Here’s three qualities that will help save your relationships

Nolwazi Mnikwa, Opinion

The topic of relationships is one we love to hate. It’s a seemingly simple yet complex topic. Being in a relationship brings a form of fulfillment yet at the same time, relationships have with them their fair share of drama.

At the mention of relationships, I know the first thought that probably came to your mind was a courtship, dating or marriage kind of relationship right? Well maybe because the term relationships has in most recent times been closely associated with ‘mjolo- the pandemic’. In as much as the above mentioned are types of relationships, they’re not the only definition or reflection of what relationships are.

There are different types of relationships such as family relationships, friendships, acquaintanceships as well as romantic relationships. A relationship is basically the way in which two or more people are connected. Interestingly, the love or lack of that an individual receives in one type of relationship has an impact on how he or she relates to the next person in another type of relationship.

For example, someone who never experienced love from their parents while growing up will find it hard to give love in a dating relationship, but that’s a topic for another day. Today our focus is on the three top qualities that make a good relationship.

I know someone just said, is there such a thing as a good relationship these days? The answer to that question is yes, there is such a thing as a good relationship whether in the romantic context, friendship context, family context as well as in business relations and so forth. What guarantees a good relationship is the level of effort put in towards turning the relationship to a quality relationship.

There’s an old Ndebele adage that says, ‘kuzazenza phambili’ loosely translated as ‘it will work itself out’. This approach of ‘things working themselves out’ is one that has resulted in the poor quality relationships that are there in this day and age as it removes from an individual the element of responsibility and effort.

In order to have a quality relationship, there’s a need to put in the work. It’s not an easy or smooth process but it’s worth it as there’s so much joy and peace in a good relationship.

One of the top qualities that make for a good relationship is honesty. Honesty is a critical component to the success of any type of relationship. It’s what I would refer to as a foundational element in the construct of a relationship. Just as a building needs to have its foundations set before the structure can go up, so do relationships, and the top most foundation required to hold a relationship is honesty. Honesty paves the way for trust and also takes a relationship from strength to strength. It is easy to trust an honest spouse, partner, parent, child, colleague, relative or business partner. However, the opposite is true for a dishonest person.

Someone who lacks honesty cannot be trusted; someone who lies frequently cannot be depended on. As a result, someone who cheats, steals, lies, and withholds information finds that their relationships are either surrounded by so much drama or the life-span of their relationships is quite short. So if you find that your relationships don’t last long, they’re easily fractured or people generally don’t trust you, I would recommend you do some introspection and check how honest you are. When doing the honesty introspection exercise, it’s important to be honest with yourself as you do it so as to get the most accurate results which will help you improve on your level of honesty.

Effective communication is another important element in building quality relationships. Everyone can speak or listen but not everyone can communicate. It’s important to develop one’s ability to communicate in order to build quality relationships. There are times when friends have arguments or even stop talking to each other as a result of miscommunication. There are times when couples have serious disagreements that in some instances lead to separation or divorce, triggered by miscommunication.

Opportunities with business partners are at times missed due to miscommunication. Achieving miscommunication is very easy as it doesn’t require any effort. Whereas being able to communicate requires investment, it requires effort. You know how when you decide you want to buy a car, you religiously put aside savings for it until a point where you have enough savings to make the purchase, the same is true for investing in developing yourself in communication. So what then is communication if it’s not just the speaking and listening aspect?

Communication involves the ability to relay information to someone in a clear and articulate manner; in a manner someone will understand. Communication also involves the ability to listen and understand what the next person is saying. I’ve realised that there are times when arguments escalate not because the issue is ‘big’ and can’t be solved, but simply because there’s lack of clear communication or one of the people involved in the argument is not listening to understand but listening to respond. When putting across a point, it’s ideal not to assume that the person you’re talking to will use ‘common sense’ to figure out what you’re saying. It’s advisable to use a step by step approach to put across your point so as to avoid ambiguity or misinterpretations. Remember the person you’re talking to is not in your head, neither are they a mind reader so being as detailed as you can be in putting across your point is very essential in effective communication.

When listening, it’s good to listen to understand and not listen to respond. One who listens to respond is not concerned about understanding the point being put across thus giving room for misinterpretations of what is being said. Whereas one who listens to understand displays a concern for what is being communicated. When you listen to understand you allow yourself to feel what the person you’re communicating with is feeling and this goes a long way in sharing joys or solving problems.

The importance of effective communication in the building of quality relationships cannot be over emphasized. It’s therefore important to invest in developing communication skills so as to relate well with others in general.

Another important element that enhances the quality of a relationship is mutual respect. Note that it’s not just respect but mutual respect meaning both parties in a relationship ought to respect each other. There are some people that struggle with giving respect yet expect to be respected. However; in order to build a healthy, strong and quality relationship whether it be with your spouse, child, parent, colleague or business partner, respect should be given regardless of your position. Through respect, feelings of safety, trust and well-being are established. Respect also creates the platform for boundaries to be honored.

As I mentioned earlier, relationships are simple yet complex, they’re a mystery. There’s so much effort that goes into making a relationship work, but one thing for sure; the effort is worth it in the end. I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or WhatsApp +263774492700.