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Thandeka Moyo-Ndlovu, Senior Health Reporter
SHE started writing short stories and poems at the age of 10 to escape from the traumatic life that she was enduring. She suffered verbal and emotional abuse before she was later waylaid and raped.
This is the story of Kudakwashe Kunzekweguta.
Her parents were bishops at a local church but from a tender age she never thought she could reach out and express how some family decisions were affecting her.
Choosing to suffer silently, she found solace in journalling her pain and sorrow through poems and stories with the hope that one day someone would relate to the abuse she was already going through at that age.
One fateful afternoon as she was walking home from school, a man raped her, adding salt to the mental and emotional injuries that she was nursing all by herself.
Although justice was not denied – the rapist was convicted and jailed – his family had worsened Kuda’s mental anguish by trying to bribe her to drop the charges.
The anger that resulted from the rape was unbearable and for some time she abused alcohol to numb her feelings.
At 21 she decided to get married and give herself a chance to be loved, as she had been yearning for that feeling all her life. But she found herself in a toxic marriage which saw her experience all kinds of abuse known to humans.
“At 21, thinking I had seen it all and had a fair share of pain for a lifetime, I got married to an evil guy whose abusive tendencies still haunt me even today, seven years later. It was all lovey dovey at first and the red flags started showing. I was desperate for love but on realising that this guy is an abuser I tried calling it quits day before lobola, but my family would have none of it, they had travelled all the way from Rusape to witness the union and made it difficult,” she said.
“My marriage was bound to end in tears from day one as he would bash me for any and every reason. We used to work for the same company and I could not even greet male colleagues as that guaranteed me beatings at home. He was gaslighting me and would even beat me as I earned more than him, accusing me of sleeping with supervisors. It was a nightmare.”
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind.
Kuda continued suffering in silence and none of her family including her parents had an idea of what she was going through.
“I miscarried twice during the marriage due to numerous beatings, I was even forced not to put a password on my phone. He even imposed a ‘curfew’, I could not use my phone past 9PM. What pains me is whenever I tried complaining or telling him I was done, he would laugh and say I am going to embarrass my parents by divorcing, I mean what religious leader would take joy in a child who divorces? It was a sign of weakness!”
Her turning point came when she gathered enough bravado to confide in her mother who surprisingly told her she was welcome to come back home.
“I happily went back home but community whispers about umabuy’ekwendeni made my life hell. I was judged by church women who said I was being beaten as I failed to elongate my labia et cetera, it was a mess. My family, however, shielded me and that is how I was delivered from the jaws of Satan.”
As Kuda started her journey towards healing she realised there was no organisation or support system for women who had been through abuse in Bulawayo.
She failed to find comfort at church as members would continuously remind her that she failed to persevere in marriage, something which they said is expected of every Christian woman.
Her life, pain, and trauma birthed Women Association of Survivors (WAS) in July 2017 and so far she has helped about 500 women and girls. The organisation helps young girls and women to be socially and economically competent, providing them with a sense of self worthiness, to experience a full range of life opportunities through capacity building and mentorship.
The quiet girl, who would drown her sorrows in pen and paper years ago, is now popularly known as a gladiator who slays dragons of all forms of abuse against young girls and women in Bulawayo.
In 2019 the Dutch Embassy honoured her for being a gender champion. She is the co-author of Chaotic Peace, and Outlive Your Labels, books that have earned international recognition.
Kuda is also a 2018 TEDx Bulawayo speaker.
She also did family and adolescent counselling with Contact Counselling Services, studied Theology with Immanuel University to equip herself with skills to help survivors deal with their traumas.
She is working on another book titled Colour Attitude that seeks to help people deal with childhood traumas.
“Pocket Independent is an empowerment programme that seeks to assist women with financial empowerment projects. We also offer EduHer, a programme that gives the girl child who is a survivor a second chance with education. I am currently doing NoToInvisibleTattoos targeted at churches to take an active part in curbing abuse and also uncover some abuse cases that are being swept under the carpet by church leaders,” she said.
“We do the High Tea series to help victims and survivors open up in a safe space and also help other victims understand that they’re going through abuse and it’s not normal. We also empowered community gender ambassadors to identify and also assist SGBV survivors through psychosocial support and referrals.”
Kuda added that sometimes standing up against abuse subjects women to more abuse as there are pests out there ready to pounce on women who are trying to find their feet.
“As I was recovering, I launched my poetry anthology called Survivor and I recall I was approached by a man who was in the arts industry. They offered to assist me on how I could penetrate the arts industry as a poet. It was a dream come true as I had been writing poems all my life but it came at a cost which I couldn’t afford, not after everything I had been through. This popular guy, who I won’t mention, said I had to have sex with him and his friend which forced me back into my cocoon, I chose to be an underground poet.”
“Some women have been victimised and are scared to even speak up in fear of their reputation being tarnished or being identified as a clout chaser. It’s sad that our society can believe the perpetrators more than the victims especially if the perpetrator is a public figure and role model to some of his fans, the victims will be labelled that they wanted it now thus they have made it they now speak up to ‘ruin him’ the perpetrator,” said Kuda.
“The more than 500 women and girls that we have assisted have had first-hand experience with abusers at home, church and in the workplaces. We help survivors of rape like myself, sextortion, sexual harassment, domestic violence, intimate partner violence, emotional and verbal abuse; forced marriages, child marriages and anyone going through mental challenges like depression,” said Kuda.
“Nowadays I get sleepless nights, when justice is not yet served by the endless calls and threats I used to get from perpetrators when I started WAS. I had stalkers but after going through myself I realised I had to create a better world for women and girls. Sexual and gender-based violence can happen to anyone, we need to unite, survivor, victim or not. We need to get knowledge about SGBV and we stop normalising abuse.” -@thamamoe
Online Reporter