Tinaye Agere
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
DEAR Amai, I am a 34-year-old lady and married to a man of the same age. We are blessed with two beautiful children. Naturally, we are a happy couple.
However, my husband drinks too much. He can never say no to anything in the name of alcohol. He tried to quit drinking, but it did not last a fortnight.
These days we fight a lot verbally because of his bedwetting habit. It happens when he is drunk. He does this even when he takes a nap on the sofa in the lounge.
He is a supervisor at his workplace and this kind of behaviour is worrying, more so in light of his status.
The most embarrassing thing now is that even our house help is aware of this. I am afraid this information will spread like a wildfire. I left the main bedroom and I am now sleeping in the spare bedroom. It is very annoying and unsanitary. What can I do, Amai? This is tearing us apart.
Response
Dear writer, thank you very much for your letter. I think your husband struggles with alcoholism. Bedwetting is unsanitary and uncalled for, especially if your hubby is medically capable of not spoiling the bed when he is sober. He is the father figure at home but he is behaving like one of the kids. Please, convince him to join an alcohol awareness programme. If he does not make the right adjustments now, alcohol abuse can cost him a lot at home, in social circles and at work.
I believe once these corrective actions have been taken, you will return to your matrimonial bedroom. It is unfortunate the house help knows all this and may very well tell other people when you had intended to resolve the issue quietly. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Is age just a number?
I am a 40-year-old single lady. I am independent, have a beautiful house and a car. I run a successful business of my own. I fell in love with an unemployed 22-year-old guy. Ever since he came into my life, we have become inseparable. He used to come and visit, but last month, he brought all his clothes and he is now staying with me full-time. Last weekend, his parents and siblings came to my house to fetch him.
They called me “kachembere” and other names that I cannot write in a family newspaper.
His elder brother beat him up and forcefully put him in their car and drove off. That very day, around midnight, he sent me a text message, saying he wanted me to go and pick him up discreetly.
I did as he had requested and brought him back to my home. We are very much in love. His father called to tell him that he had disowned him. Amai, is what this family doing fair?
All this havoc is because of our age difference. They are going to be shocked because we are going to get legally married. If they continue this nonsense, I will call the police. What do you think about this abuse?
Response
They say love has nothing to do with age but it is still important to take it one step at a time. Although your partner is a major, I think he still needs a lot of hand-holding. An 18-year difference is quite a big gap.
You are talking about marriage, but are you both ready for that? You mentioned how successful you are and how he is currently unemployed. His family could be thinking there are other motives behind this relationship.
To him, it could be a way of finding financial freedom and, to you, it may appear a chance to find love once more. Please, do not make hasty decisions to spite his people. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. I suggest you get professional pre-marital counselling first to figure out if you are truly ready to go the distance. As for his family,
I think assaulting him and forcibly kidnapping him was wrong; it is a criminal offence. I would also encourage you to keep your relationship with his family neutral. You do not know what the future holds for you. Remember, blood is thicker than water. I wish you all the best.
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My house is not a lodge
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. My sister-in-law, the one who comes after my husband, stays in the same city as us. We have a five- bedroomed house and they stay in a three-roomed cottage.
She is always inviting people from our rural home to visit her. When they come, she directs them to us, saying she does not have big space.
This is not going down well with us because many times we are stuck with people we do not ordinarily associate with. Should I send them away when they come or ignore them? How do I solve this one, Amai?
Response
Dear writer, thank you very much for your letter. I am very well, and thanks for inquiring. When people have issues, the best way to resolve them is to address them. Sending visitors away or ignoring them does not help in any way.
Mind you, these innocent people will have been invited and are not aware of your concerns. In my view, the best thing is to have a candid family meeting and tell your sister-in-law that it is strainful to host guests around the clock.
Your husband should stand by your side so that she has no one to run to. She is making you incur unnecessary expenses, and this is inconvenient. I would be happy to hear from you on the outcome of this issue.
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