malvernmugadzikwa
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am aged 37 and my husband is 39. We are blessed with two wonderful children.
My husband and I are both secondary school teachers, so we have a lot in common. We are based in a town.
My husband gets on well with a lot of people in our small community. A fortnight ago, he came back home from a beer-drinking spree with a swollen lip and two missing teeth.
The account he gave did not make sense at all but I had no choice but to accept it and help him get better. A few days ago, I learnt through the grapevine that he got involved with one of the ladies of the night and a fierce fight broke out.
I know the woman. Amai, do you think it is wise for me to go and confront her? Hospital bills are heavy and I cannot take it anymore.
Response
I am very well and thanks for inquiring. Your letter made my reading very sad. A teacher should be exemplary. He is supposed to be a role model to learners and the community at large. It is very demeaning for a man of his stature to fight over another lady when he is married.
You got your account from the grapevine, and I wonder how accurate it is. It is not the most credible source.
Please do not confront this woman; you will end up in trouble. If the information from the grapevine is true, then your husband’s injuries are just as good as self-inflicted.
When your husband has fully healed, I suggest you go for professional counselling.
This will give him a chance to open up and maybe tell the truth about what happened. Last but not least, continue to take good care of him; two wrongs do not make a right. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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I hid money from my spouse
Dear Amai, I am a 40-year-old woman and I am married to a man of the same age. We are blessed with three teenage children. As a couple, we are both gainfully employed. However, my husband only assists his side of the family in most cases. This pushed me to join a ladies’ mukando group in our neighbourhood.
My hope was that I would then be able to send money to my own parents secretly.
A few days ago, I do not know how my husband got wind of this club.
He approached me angrily.
He stated that he wanted to know why I never told him about the arrangement and what I was doing with the proceeds from the club.
I once complained about his one-sidedness and he bluntly said he was not duty-bound to look after my parents; instead, it was my brothers’ obligation to do so.
There is a lot of tension in our home; we are not talking. Mostly, we give one-word answers. I do not even know where to begin. Please help, Amai.
Response
Hello and thank you very much for reaching out to me. From what you mentioned, I can tell that there is a lack of communication in your home. You do not work like a team.
You are married but you are not acting like one unit. Bickering over who should send what to whom is uncalled for. Your parents will always be your parents despite your gender, and you should religiously play your part in their upkeep.
In a good marriage, there should not be any skeletons in the closet. I suggest you come clean and tell him the truth. Lying will not get you anywhere.
Have a candid talk and speak your mind. He should also express himself fully.
Do not compete when it comes to helping your parents out; there is no standard format for this. Professional counselling will help you both. Please keep me posted.
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My partner is too controlling
Hello Amai, I am a 26-year-old woman and my husband is aged 29. Furthermore, I am a full-time housewife.
We are yet to have a child. We have been married for just a year, but we fight over very small things.
At times I feel very lonely because of my husband’s mood swings. On bread, he even determines the number of slices that I consume.
We have a television set, but I am only allowed to watch the channels he prefers. You cannot touch the remote when he is around. I feel like opting out; I am already fed up.
Response
Greetings writer and thank you for writing in. Your letter made me sad. It is astonishing that you are fed up after just a year. I highly doubt that the two of you ever went for premarital counselling.
Your husband is very controlling, to say the least, but with the necessary communication, you will be able to appreciate one another and give each other some much-needed space.
Tell him how you want to be treated as a grown-up.
Explain to him that his nature is making it hard for you to imagine a long-term relationship with him.
I guarantee that will be the nudge he needs to adjust his attitude. I would be happy to hear from you again.
Feedback: beckychisamba@ gmail.com; 0771415474.
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