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Dear Tete Joyie:
I have been sleeping with my sister’s new boyfriend at the gym everyday.
I am terrified that she is going to find out.
Sometimes we do it twice on the same day.
I find him irresistible and he says he finds it impossible to keep away from me.
I am 22 and work at the gym.
My sister and her boyfriend are both 25.
They work for the same company, which is how they met.
They both started coming to the gym on a regular basis and I found him really attractive from the moment I set eyes on him.
I felt very envious.
He started visiting to work-out more and more often.
My sister got a bit bored with it and after a few weeks she was only coming once a fortnight or so.
There was an undeniable chemistry between him and me.
I knew he fancied me rotten by the way he looked at me and I fixed things so that I will not be far away when he is changing.
Then one time, when things were quiet, he grabbed and kissed me.
I just melted and we slept together there and then in a cubicle in the men’s changing room.
After that, I would often slip in and join him when things were quiet and I knew he was showering.
Of course there was a risk of someone coming in, but that just made the intimacy even more exciting.
I would keep my eye on him as he used the gym equipment beforehand and I knew he was watching me too.
It was like foreplay.
I never see him outside work, but I go to sleep thinking about him and I wake up thinking about him.
Tete Joyie says:
If you don’t feel you are being used, then you should.
This guy is offering you nothing.
He is not even trying to form a relationship with you.
He doesn’t really know you as a person and is not free to be with you.
Even worse, he is cheating on your sister.
He would no doubt cheat on you too if he had the chance.
You deserve a better guy than this to fill your thoughts and dreams.
When the affair becomes known, as it surely must, not only will there be an almighty family row but you will probably lose your job as well.
Meanwhile he has nothing to lose but his relationship with your sister — and he obviously doesn’t value that very much.
He may seem amazingly attractive right now but this man is not worth the risks you are taking for him.
Tell him to get lost and look for a boyfriend who cares about you.
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Hubby keeping me a secret
Dear Tete Joyie:
My husband has two wives.
I married him because I couldn’t bear to live without him, but it’s playing havoc with my emotions.
I am 29 and we were dating for two years before I found out about his other wife and son.
We are both from Zimbabwe, but stay in the UK.
I confronted him when I saw some mail addressed to “Mr and Mrs”.
He cried, admitting that he had an arranged marriage in Zimbabwe, but insisted he has never truly loved his wife.
He said he loved me, then proposed.
I said yes, because I wanted to take his name.
We married six months ago and I told my family we had a quick civil ceremony.
My parents were devastated.
My husband says he won’t tell his first wife about me, but now it is on my mind.
I don’t want to be his guilty secret.
Tete Joyie says:
You are never going to be happy in this situation.
Your husband may not love his first wife, but it is unlikely that marriage will be regarded as dissolved.
That will make him a bigamist and your marriage null and void.
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Friend’s boyfriend cheated on her
Dear Tete Joyie:
Two years ago, a close friend confided that she’d slept with her other friend’s partner and was now pregnant, but she had a still birth.
Since then I’ve become friends with the woman whose partner she slept with.
I’ve made clear my view that our now mutual friend deserves to know the truth about the man that she may marry.
My relationship with my original friend has broken down, mainly due to our conflicting views about keeping this secret.
We still all see each other in a group and it causes me much anxiety that everyone knows about this affair except the person it affects the most.
Especially as my original friend stays with this couple frequently, dances and flirts with the man, and criticises other women for putting men before friends!
The thought of our mutual friend entering into marriage, having children, etcetera, with a person who would do this is unbearable.
Is my inability to move on from this symptomatic of my own shortcomings?
Tete Joyie says:
Pardon me for being so blunt, but you’re quite the busybody, aren’t you?
You are tied up in knots about an infidelity that took place two years ago between a friend you’re no longer close to, a man you’re acquainted with and his deceived girlfriend, who’s since become a friend.
Remind me how this is any of your business.
This woman didn’t go on to have the child, which would have been a secret too far to have to keep, so I’m intrigued that you’re so affected by this long-past dalliance that you weren’t involved in.
Dare I ask if you harbour your own feelings for this guy?
You may be the most morally upright woman on earth, but you’d do well not to expect the world to conform to your standards.
I think it’s best to stay neutral.
It’s treacherous terrain that, again, I’ve once trodden.
When you get to my age, the sad truth is that there are few paths left unexplored.
I suggest you give some serious thought to why it’s causing you such consternation and develop some of the objectivity you seem to be missing.
Above all, and I admit it’s ironic coming from yours truly, stop busying yourself with matters outside your remit.
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