dyton mupawaenda
Mudzimba-Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope this letter finds you well. I am a 24-year-old man with one married sister. My parents recently opted for early retirement.
However, the transition has been difficult as my father is now unfortunately drinking irresponsibly.
My mother, a resilient and hardworking woman, sustains the household by growing vegetables and rearing chickens.
Two months ago, she gave me US$2 000 for safekeeping. She was deeply concerned that if my father discovered the money, he would squander it on alcohol and gambling.
Tragically, I have betrayed that trust. My best friend recently misappropriated funds at his workplace and pleaded with me for a loan to cover the deficit, claiming he would be fired if I did not help out.
In a moment of misplaced sympathy, I told him the truth about the money I was keeping. He promised to repay the full amount within a fortnight.
Now that the repayment is due, he has begun avoiding my calls and ignoring my messages. I am desperate to recover these funds before my mother asks for them. What steps can I take to rectify this situation?
Response
Dear writer, I am well and thanks for asking. There is something seriously wrong that I cannot put my finger on.
Your mother was desperate enough to give you that money because your father is irresponsible. That alone shows how much that money means to her.
Why then did you trust someone else with your mother’s money? It was not yours; you had no right to do what you did.
Did you have a written contract with this guy that can be used as proof? In future, you should advise your mother to keep large amounts of cash in the bank.
The only way out is to come clean and tell your mother the truth before she finds out. You will open another can of worms once your father gets wind of what happened.
Try to communicate with your friend; do not just use the phone — go to his house or workplace and apply pressure.
Inform him you will be left with no choice but to open a police case. If you have your own personal funds, give your mum back her money and deal with your friend to get your money back.
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Am I being played for a fool?
I am a successful, independent 39-year-old woman. I have worked hard to build a stable life. I own my apartment, drive my own car and hold a rewarding, high-level position.
Despite these personal achievements, I have been deeply unfortunate in my search for a life partner.
For the past three years, I have been in a committed relationship with the same man.
We have had extensive discussions about marriage, a goal he initially seemed eager to pursue. However, the reality has been a series of disappointments:
He has now cancelled three separate dates that we had set for our wedding.
The first time, he claimed he had to redirect our wedding funds towards a sudden family emergency. The subsequent two cancellations were backed by increasingly flimsy excuses. This cycle of broken promises has created immense tension between us.
Whenever I try to address his lack of follow-through, he dismisses my concerns by accusing me of putting “too much pressure” on him to marry.
I am feeling completely disheartened and emotionally exhausted. Is there any hope for this relationship or am I waiting for a commitment that will never come? Please help.
Response
Hello, I am sorry about your predicament. You seem unlucky in love. You sound desperate for him to marry you. There is only one way to get into matrimony with this man.
Love will have to lead, then blossom into marriage. Anyone can get married at any time, but the million-dollar question is if the foundation is built on true love.
If not, it will not last. I think that is what is lacking in your relationship. Some people do not want to be pushed into a lifetime commitment before they are ready. How strong is your relationship?
Have you talked about why he has lied to you several times before? You may not be singing from the same page. Go for pre-marital counselling and get help.
Communication and the unfiltered truth will help you plot a way forward.
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I am tired of my pesky and intrusive neighbour
Dear Amai, I want to thank you for the invaluable advice we receive every week through your column in The Sunday Mail.
I am a married woman in my 40s and a mother of three.
I am writing because I am at my wits’ end with a neighbour who has become an intrusive presence in my life. My neighbour is a true busybody.
The moment she spots visitors at my gate, she enters my home uninvited under the pretext of “greeting” our guests.
She then proceeds to sit and stay, disrupting our private time.
While my husband insists that I should simply send her away, I find it incredibly difficult to be so confrontational.
Beyond the lack of privacy, she is constantly begging for household staples, ranging from tea bags to mealie meal.
Her entitlement even extends to the times I am away from home, as she frequently pesters my househelp for supplies. She is not a personal friend; she is merely a neighbour. I am completely fed up with this drain on my resources and my peace of mind. How can I firmly stop this behaviour without causing a feud?
Response
Greetings and thank you very much for supporting the column. I am truly sorry for what you are going through. It seems you may have missed the chance to address the issue early on.
Your neighbour appears spoiled and overly entitled. While many people behave this way, the best approach is to call a spade a spade. It is noble to let her know that certain behaviour will not be tolerated.
Try to remain diplomatic, as neighbours are important. Have a candid conversation with her. Explain that you need privacy when you have visitors, since some may come for specific discussions or reasons.
Regarding the begging, make it clear that all requests must be directed to you, not the househelp. Also emphasise that you can only provide provisions when you have enough to spare.
She may not accept this immediately, but with time she will process and appreciate it. Do not allow yourself to become a slave in your own home. Please keep me posted.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
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