Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
DEAR AMAI, I hope this message finds you well. I am 37 years old and my wife is 35. We are a middle-class family. My wife and I are both gainfully employed and blessed with two wonderful children.
My wife was always a reserved person due to her strong rural background. Hoping to give her more exposure, I encouraged her to join a women’s business group, where members dress up and network at events.
What I did not anticipate was that this decision would invite problems into our marriage. She has completely changed — her style of dressing, makeup and hairstyles are now wild. She has started drinking.
Additionally, she has made a few questionable friends. I do not understand why this transformation happened so suddenly. Should I stop her from attending this club?
Response
I am very well, thank you for asking. First, do not blame yourself for what has happened — your intention to give your wife exposure and uplift her was noble.
However, I do not understand why you attribute all of these changes to the business club. Where did these new friends come from? What makes you certain they are a bad influence? You need to justify your suspicions before making accusations.
Regarding the drinking, are you sure this is a new habit? Did you truly know her well before getting married? Her sudden change in behaviour is alarming. I strongly suggest that both of you seek professional counselling to uncover the reasons behind her transformation.
It is essential to communicate and understand what is happening before taking any drastic measures. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Landlord is a menace
I am 40 years old, married to a woman of the same age and we are blessed with four children. We run a small family business and are content with our monthly earnings. We live in a high-density area, renting a three-bedroom house.
However, our landlord frequently borrows money from us and never repays. Instead, he deducts the amount from future rent.
Currently, the money we are owed covers rent up until the end of August, yet he continues to ask for more. Each time, we draft a small memorandum and both sign before exchanging cash.
My wife has advised me to stop this practice, warning that it could lead to serious problems. I am confused; I do not know what to do. If we refuse to comply, will we lose our accommodation?
Response
Greetings, dear writer. It is always refreshing to hear about happy marriages, especially in these challenging times. Keep nurturing that bond. From what you have described, it seems unlikely that you have a valid lease agreement.
Such an agreement is essential because it clearly outlines rental payment terms and the rights and responsibilities of both parties. I believe your wife is right — it is time to end this arrangement, as it is not financially or legally healthy.
I advise you to take a firm stance and inform your landlord that, moving forward, you prefer to pay rent monthly rather than in advance, as you do not have the extra funds.
If you do not currently have a lease agreement, consider discussing the benefits of drafting one with your landlord.
A written agreement can protect both parties and provide clarity on such financial matters.
I highly doubt your landlord can evict you simply for requesting a fair and reasonable correction to this ongoing issue. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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I’m filled with regret
Dear Amai, I hope this message finds you well. I am 25 years old and my wife is 23. We have been married for two months. I was born and raised in a church where drinking is not prohibited, and I drink in moderation.
My wife, on the other hand, attends her childhood church, which is Pentecostal.
During our dating phase, this difference in faith was a significant point of contention, but we agreed to settle it amicably in our marriage.
However, for the past two months, we have attended separate churches, which feels strange to me considering that we are a married couple.
Last week, after supper, I had one drink and it caused a dramatic scene in our home. My wife refused to sleep in our bed. She chose to sleep on the couch, instead. She considered me unclean and felt I was going against the Word of God.
The incident upset me deeply and we spent an entire day without speaking. I am struggling with this situation.
I do not want to compromise further because I believe couples should worship together.
I feel belittled and disrespected. I now regret my decision — I wish I had listened to my parents, who advised me to marry someone from our own church.
I am just exhausted and unsure of what to do next.
Response
I am very well, thank you for asking. Your letter was heartbreaking to read — you should still be in your honeymoon phase, not caught up in conflict.
The purpose of dating is to truly understand your partner, address any major differences and find ways to resolve them before marriage. I am surprised that you took this step without first settling the church issue.
While there is freedom of worship in our country, it is highly recommended for married couples to attend the same church for unity and spiritual harmony.
Since this problem is recurring, I strongly suggest professional counselling. Both of you need to set aside your pride and attend these sessions with an open mind.
The silver lining is that this has happened early in your marriage, making it easier to address before it causes deeper rifts. As Christians, I also encourage you to pray about this — there is immense power in prayer. I sincerely wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
