Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, how are you? Lately, life has been very hard and unfair to me. I fell ill two decades ago because of a freak accident.
Over the years, I have lost two of my sons and my beloved husband. My husband supported me wholeheartedly, but now he is gone.
I have three sons who are married, yet they hardly visit me. My daughters-in-law often say they are busy, but I see them visiting their own parents. I feel lonely and miserable. Only my church friends and tenant help me occasionally. Is this what happens when one does not have daughters of one’s own?
Response
I am very well, thank you for asking. I am truly sorry about your predicament.
I am still trying to process how such a situation could happen within a family like the one you have described.
Blood is thicker than water, so it is difficult to understand how your own children could treat you this way.
Did you have a good relationship with your sons when they were growing up?
Can you recall when this kind of resentment began?
Being kind-hearted and responsible has nothing to do with gender. Please take comfort in those who are present in your life, such as your church friends and your tenant. Since this is troubling you, I suggest asking your pastor to speak with your sons and their wives.
He may be able to help you reconcile and encourage them to support you more. I would be glad to hear from you again.
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Hubby too embarrassed to face reality
We are a young couple blessed with two beautiful children. My husband works in construction, doing menial jobs.
Life has been very difficult, and we are struggling to make ends meet. I am currently looking for a job. Someone has offered to employ me as a househelp.
One of the benefits is that they will allow my family to live in a two-room cottage on their property free of charge.
In addition to my monthly salary, I will also receive basic groceries. However, my husband is hesitant.
He believes I should look for a “better” job, even though I have little to no qualifications — I failed Grade Seven. I am very skilled at house chores, but he is more concerned about what his friends will say than about the benefits this opportunity could bring us.
How can I convince him to see the value in this job and understand that it could improve our family’s situation?
Response
Hello, and thank you very much for reaching out to me. Well done for being proactive and considering the possibilities of how life could improve if you accept this offer.
Unfortunately, your husband seems to be letting pride get in the way.
Any job that can sustain you and your young family is valuable. His concern is more about appearances, but the reality is that rent-free accommodation, monthly groceries and a salary are excellent incentives.
Have an honest conversation with him, and if possible, involve one of his sensible siblings or even his parents to help him see the bigger picture.
If you delay too long, you may lose this opportunity.
Accepting it could not only ease your current struggles but also give you a chance to better yourself in the future. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Business is tearing us apart
Amai makadii? I am a middle-aged man who is happily married. My wife and I are both gainfully employed and we also run a private business on the side, which has become quite lucrative.
However, our main jobs keep us busy, and it is straining me to manage the side business after working hours.
We have jointly decided to employ someone responsible to take care of the business, although we will monitor it closely.
My wife suggested hiring someone from her side of the family, as she feels she can put her foot down since money is involved. I disagreed because I would also want to enforce rules, which I cannot easily do with my in-laws.
My wife has ruled out the possibility of employing someone from my side of the family. How can we resolve this? Normally, we relate amicably, but in this case, we are not seeing eye to eye.
Response
I am very well, thank you for asking. Well done on working hard together to establish your business. Keep it up. A happy marriage is truly a blessing to the family at large. From what you have shared, I can tell that you are organised and transparent in the way you handle things.
In short, it seems you do not want family members directly involved, but you both are unsure how to express it.
My advice is to go ahead and hire a professional who is not related to either of you to manage the business. Take your time to find someone you both approve of.
Do not waste energy arguing; instead, make the best decision for the success of your business. I wish you continued prosperity and success.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
