malvernmugadzikwa
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am aged 33 and my husband is 32. We are blessed with two lovely kids.
We visited our rural home last month and my in-laws asked if we could take my husband’s cousin, who was desperately looking for a job. I was not keen on this arrangement, but I had no way out because my husband had already agreed.
This guy does not even have a Grade Seven certificate and yet he is refusing to take menial jobs.
He was asking my husband if he could pay for his driving school lessons. I do not understand him at all; he does not even have a car. I think he has overstayed his welcome. I ignore him most of the time and no longer call him to come for meals unless he is around. Please help. I am fed up.
Response
I am very well and thank you so much for reaching out to me. I think your husband’s cousin has his priorities upside down.
I do not think it is fair to write him off as you have already started doing. From your communication, it seems like this guy is in a world of his own and is marching to the beat of his own drum.
Candidly explain to him the complexities of life and how a menial job can be a stepping stone to bigger opportunities.
These jobs may even help fund his driving lessons.
Explain to him that everything is earned and not given.
Give him an ultimatum; tell him that if he does not take the jobs that are available, then you will have no choice but to send him back home. You catch more flies using honey than you do with vinegar.
There is no need to be mean to him or deny him food.
He simply needs guidance. Get your husband to back you up on this.
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Wife refusing to pack lunch for me
Hello Amai. I am married and I have one child. I am a civil servant. I used to carry my lunch box to work all the time because buying food is expensive.
The lady I share the office with has no manners at all. I personally respect our friendship and boundaries, but she does not. At times she would eat my food before I did.
This went on for a long time until I told my wife what was happening. My wife threw a tantrum and promised never to prepare a lunch box for me again.
She complained that I was using her to make food for my office girlfriend. The lady I am talking about is just a colleague and nothing else. There is a lot of tension at home and I just want to make peace. Since this incident, I now buy food at work. I miss home-cooked food. What should I do?
Response
Hello and thank you for writing in. There is no use crying over spilt milk, although in retrospect I think you should have talked to your colleague candidly before sharing the matter with your wife.
Taking food from your lunch box without permission was very uncultured. Now you are trying to manage something you could have resolved before it was blown out of proportion.
I suggest that you talk to your office friend and tell her how things are at home. This will most likely deter her from making a similar mistake in future.
You did not say much about your wife, but I get the feeling that your marriage lacks trust. Professional counselling would help you get back on amicable terms. Please keep me posted.
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Hubby does not want me to work
Makadii Amai? I am a married woman and mother to two kids who attend primary school. My husband is gainfully employed.
I assist the family by doing part-time jobs. Our landlord is looking for a full-time house maid and I am willing to take up the job.
It is convenient. I spoke to my husband and he thinks it is not a good job because many people look down upon it. The salary they are offering is very good. How do I convince him to accept my request?
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. First and foremost, let me say congratulations because this sounds like a good deal. You have been up and about doing part-time work; this sounds more stable.
Your husband should not be afraid of what “people” will think; which people is he referring to? You did not describe much about your relationship with your landlord.
If it is good, please give it a second thought and go for it. Talk to your husband and convince him before it is too late. When you agree to good opportunities, do not worry about outsiders. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
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