‘I still love my ex’

It’s been a month and 10 days since my ex and I broke up. He broke up with me because he felt he wasn’t ready for the relationship despite his strong feelings for me (he’s a very insecure person when it comes to love, kind of like the type of guy who wants his independence but won’t let you let him go?), and then I told him that we should stop everything because I was starting to feel like he was going to hurt me and that I wasn’t okay with that. He asked me to be friends with him but, honestly, our relationship started so fast and ended so quickly that we never got to be first friends in the first place . . . Anyway, I fell in love with him and I’m sure he also had some very strong feelings for me, thus, we used to get along incredibly well, like, I could’ve relied on him at all times and that we could be ourselves around each other because our connection was THAT GOOD.

I used to see this guy at least twice a week because we work at the same place, but we’ve been ignoring each other since the break-up.
The reason I decided to ignore him is because people always say that to get your ex back, you have to ignore him, and, it’s been more than a month and I’m starting to feel tired of ignoring him, because I still miss him and love him.

I also found out he’s been complaining to his friends about me not saying a word to him (he didn’t try reaching me either, by the way) and then his friends coming to me and telling me I broke his heart and that I should be the one to approach him because according to him, we both broke things off.

I’m pretty sure that he won’t approach me, so there’s this part of me that tells me to go to him and talk to him, and I think I’ll definitely need to do it. The problem here is, how?
I’ve never done this before because I tend to be a very proud person.

I don’t know if I should text him (we used to text A LOT, more than calling each other), call him or talk to him in person (the problem with talking to him in person is that we barely see each other anymore). What should I say to him?

I don’t exactly want to tell him that I want to get back together with him, but maybe start things over, try being friends, maybe?
I honestly don’t know what should I tell him.

And see what happens from there . . . I’m very confused and I’m sorry for this loooong question. Thanks in advance.
Signed by:
I’m still in love and need advice

I know you’ve been playing the Silent Treatment game and I’m not into games.
First of all, I want to tell you that this guy seems very passive.
He’s complaining behind the scenes that you haven’t come after him. What’s wrong with his dialling finger?
His friends also say you broke his heart, so you should try to win him back.

Wasn’t the break-up mutual?
Didn’t he equally break your heart?
Didn’t you break-up because he had such cold feet?

I’m saying all this because you are at a crossroads. My old grandma used to say in every relationship there’s the kisser and the kissed.
By this she meant, there’s one partner who’s more invested in the other and therefore more willing to do the work of the chasing.
These roles tend to get solidified early in a relationship. If you start chasing him now, there’s a good chance you’re always going to be doing the heavy lifting.

This guy is sending mixed signals. He’s not chasing you.
He also said he wasn’t ready for a relationship (which is why, I imagine, you thought it best to break up). And you said that he wants his independence, but he won’t let you go. Talk about crazy making!

We know that he’s still conflicted and his ambivalence is expressed by his current actions – or inaction. He’s not coming after you.
He’s just complaining behind the scenes. If he wants you, why isn’t he coming for you?

Don’t forget. Men are hunters by nature. When they desire someone, they go for it.
He isn’t doing this? Why? What’s his problem?
Well we know that he’s confused about what he wants. I think there’s more going on.

He also seems to need to be pursued. He’s sending messages that are meant to get you coming after him.
You can certainly reach out to him, but do you want to be in this role with him?

I don’t think you do. You obviously minded his lack of investment and you broke up with him. Now I do hear that you feel the urge to go after him.

Your instincts seem to be telling you that a friendship would be a good way to restart. But we both know, you want more than friendship.
Are you willing to take the risk? What’s changed with him? Why would he be any different this time around?
I know that at this point he will still continue behaving in a confused and conflicted way – just as he’s doing now.

Is his confusion due to his being young?
Or is his confusion the result of his brain not being fully developed, so that he doesn’t know what he wants?
Or are we dealing with something deeper?

I’m suspecting a passive, character disorder that expresses itself by his willingness to wait on the sidelines and expect to be pursued – perhaps as a way of building up ego?

Or as a way of protecting himself from some imagined horror that would occur if he jumped into the relationship with both feet.
By the way, this kind of reticence can be the result of having been raised in a broken home.

If you’re willing to start with friendship and, keep your guard up, you can watch and see whether his reluctance to come after you is due to a deep-seated problem or the simple fact that he didn’t have enough time to get to know you as a friend and insure that you are a good match.
If you do approach, promise me you will keep one eyebrow raised, so to speak, and keep him on temporary probation until you see that things are different.

Above all, don’t fully open the door of your heart and allow yourself to get hurt again.
Wait and see if he’s capable of more before you offer more. If you want to go for it, don’t play games.

Tell him exactly what you told me. That you think you guys jumped too fast and that you want to start over and be friends and get to know each other better. – Online