Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Makadii, Amai? I am a married man with three children. My wife and I are both gainfully employed and our combined income is decent.
My youngest brother, who is aged 24, came to live with us after completing university. He recently found employment and currently shares a room with my eldest son; they each have their own bed.
We were one big happy family until last weekend. My mother came to visit and told us that my younger brother was unhappy with the sleeping arrangement. She even suggested that we move him into the guest bedroom.
This did not sit well with me and my wife. What made it worse was her further suggestion that he could even pay for the room. We do not understand where this is coming from or why she is speaking on his behalf.
She has since returned home, but I now feel like asking my brother to leave. He has not said a word, yet we can all sense the tension. What is your take on this situation, Amai?
Response
I am very well, thank you for reaching out. Well done for taking your brother in when he needed you most. Your mother is overstepping — you are her sons, you are both adults who made and agreed to an arrangement.
Have an open and candid conversation with your brother, and allow him to share his perspective. Let him know that he is free to move out if he wishes. Backstabbing is not healthy for family relationships.
Once you have finalised a way forward with him, you can then address your mother. Respectfully explain to her how hurt you were by her meddlesome suggestion and make it clear that such interference undermines the harmony in your household.
*****************
I can’t get along with househelps
Dear Amai, I am a 37-year-old woman and my husband is the same age. We have been happily married for a decade and are blessed with two children.
While our marriage is doing well, I am struggling with a recurring issue: I cannot seem to maintain a good relationship with our househelps. I am unsure if the fault lies with me or if it is simply bad luck.
I have tried every approach possible, but nothing seems to work.
Our children are still too young for boarding school, so we truly need the extra help.
I usually hire through employment agencies, but many of the workers are untrained and inexperienced. The most common issues I face are dishonesty, theft and laziness.
How can I find reliable help and overcome these challenges? Additionally, would you recommend employing a relative?
Response
Hello writer, well done on maintaining a strong relationship with your spouse; keep that fire burning! The issue you have raised is becoming increasingly common and I believe I addressed a similar situation not long ago.
Domestic work is a serious profession and should be treated with the respect it deserves. It is not simply a fallback for the poor or desperate, as some might assume.
After all, we trust these individuals with our homes and most prized possessions every time we step out the door.
While I have nothing against agencies, you must be cautious, as many unlicensed ones are appearing. I suggest taking the time to vet an agency thoroughly before selecting a worker.
Always ensure there is a formal agreement in place and ask about their training programmes before making a commitment.
Regarding your question about relatives, I would advise against it. In my experience, employing family members often leads to complications and friction down the line. I wish you all the very best.
*****************
I lost my ring
I am a 30-year-old man and my wife is 27. We live in a small place of our own where we run our business. I sell vegetables and my wife sells clothing. About two weeks ago, while I was digging and watering my garden, I somehow lost my wedding ring. When I told my wife, she became very upset and refused to believe my story. I admit that I have fooled around in the past, but this time I genuinely lost the ring. What hurts me most is that she has now removed her own ring and says she will only wear it again once I find mine. How can I convince her that I am telling the truth?
Response
Hello, dear writer. I sense that there are still unresolved issues between you and your wife. She is clearly still hurt from the last time you stepped out and rebuilding her trust will take time and effort. Removing her ring is not the best response, because two wrongs do not make a right.
I strongly suggest seeking professional counselling and opening honest channels of communication. You might also consider replacing your wedding band as a gesture of commitment. I wish you all the best as you work through this together.
Makadii, Amai?
I am a married man with three children. My wife and I are both gainfully employed and our combined income is decent.
My youngest brother, who is aged 24, came to live with us after completing university. He recently found employment and currently shares a room with my eldest son; they each have their own bed.
We were one big happy family until last weekend. My mother came to visit and told us that my younger brother was unhappy with the sleeping arrangement. She even suggested that we move him into the guest bedroom.
This did not sit well with me and my wife. What made it worse was her further suggestion that he could even pay for the room. We do not understand where this is coming from or why she is speaking on his behalf.
She has since returned home, but I now feel like asking my brother to leave. He has not said a word, yet we can all sense the tension. What is your take on this situation, Amai?
Response
I am very well, thank you for reaching out. Well done for taking your brother in when he needed you most. Your mother is overstepping — you are her sons, you are both adults who made and agreed to an arrangement.
Have an open and candid conversation with your brother, and allow him to share his perspective. Let him know that he is free to move out if he wishes. Backstabbing is not healthy for family relationships.
Once you have finalised a way forward with him, you can then address your mother. Respectfully explain to her how hurt you were by her meddlesome suggestion and make it clear that such interference undermines the harmony in your household.
*****************
I can’t get along with househelps
Dear Amai, I am a 37-year-old woman and my husband is the same age. We have been happily married for a decade and are blessed with two children.
While our marriage is doing well, I am struggling with a recurring issue: I cannot seem to maintain a good relationship with our househelps. I am unsure if the fault lies with me or if it is simply bad luck.
I have tried every approach possible, but nothing seems to work.
Our children are still too young for boarding school, so we truly need the extra help.
I usually hire through employment agencies, but many of the workers are untrained and inexperienced. The most common issues I face are dishonesty, theft and laziness.
How can I find reliable help and overcome these challenges? Additionally, would you recommend employing a relative?
Response
Hello writer, well done on maintaining a strong relationship with your spouse; keep that fire burning! The issue you have raised is becoming increasingly common and I believe I addressed a similar situation not long ago.
Domestic work is a serious profession and should be treated with the respect it deserves. It is not simply a fallback for the poor or desperate, as some might assume.
After all, we trust these individuals with our homes and most prized possessions every time we step out the door.
While I have nothing against agencies, you must be cautious, as many unlicensed ones are appearing. I suggest taking the time to vet an agency thoroughly before selecting a worker.
Always ensure there is a formal agreement in place and ask about their training programmes before making a commitment.
Regarding your question about relatives, I would advise against it. In my experience, employing family members often leads to complications and friction down the line. I wish you all the very best.
*****************
I lost my ring
I am a 30-year-old man and my wife is 27. We live in a small place of our own where we run our business. I sell vegetables and my wife sells clothing. About two weeks ago, while I was digging and watering my garden, I somehow lost my wedding ring. When I told my wife, she became very upset and refused to believe my story. I admit that I have fooled around in the past, but this time I genuinely lost the ring. What hurts me most is that she has now removed her own ring and says she will only wear it again once I find mine. How can I convince her that I am telling the truth?
Response
Hello, dear writer. I sense that there are still unresolved issues between you and your wife. She is clearly still hurt from the last time you stepped out and rebuilding her trust will take time and effort. Removing her ring is not the best response, because two wrongs do not make a right.
I strongly suggest seeking professional counselling and opening honest channels of communication. You might also consider replacing your wedding band as a gesture of commitment. I wish you all the best as you work through this together.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
