Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
Mother’s Day is hopefully more than flowers and cards tomorrow but true recognition of the strength, sacrifice, and love of women everywhere. However, beyond celebration of this special day, business successes and other great achievements — in search of wholesome, successful relationships and marriages, many women ask: What does a real man look like? How can I tell if he truly loves me? Is love an illusion?
A real man shows love consistently — through actions, respect and responsibility — not just on anniversaries or birthdays. Bishop Davison Kanokanga and author Emelda Tsumba remind us in their separate writings, that marriage thrives when both partners embrace God’s design: men loving sacrificially, women submitting willingly and both seeking balance in Christ.
Davison Kanokanga, in “Marrying Right” (2016), warns: “Most marital problems can be traced back to what either happened or did not happen before the couple got married. Ignoring red flags during dating leads to misery later.”
He also reminds us: “Marriage is not about finding the right person, but about being the right person. A good candidate for marriage is one who is disciplined, faithful and prepared to serve.”
In her book “Marriage Handbook : Her Perspective, His Perspective” (2022), Emeldah Tsumba emphasises: “Relationships thrive when both partners bring honesty and commitment. Love is not proven by words alone but by consistent actions that elevate the union.”
So, what else makes a real man worth marrying?
A good man is not defined by wealth and achievements alone but by character, consistency, and Christ-centred love.
Life Coach and Bishop (Dr)Aderino Nyabanga put it this way: “When you’re dealing with a real man, you’ll realise you don’t have to ask for anything . . . not a date night . . . . not money . . . not time . . . not affection . . . absolutely nothing.
“When a man truly desires you”, he adds, “. . .he moves differently for you on his own. He will make you feel prioritised without you having to beg for the bare minimum. He will call without you asking . . . plan things without you hinting . . . show up without you reminding. His consistency will be loud . . . his love will be clear . . . his intentions will be pure.
It is easy to visualise this as he continues: “You will never have to chase what is meant for you. A real man does not make you question your place in his life. He will pour into you because it brings him peace. He will invest in you because he knows your value. He will protect your heart like it is his own because loving you is not a task . . . it is an honour.”
This really hit home: “When a man is truly for you . . . effort is natural . . . loyalty is automatic . . . love is intentional. And you will never again have to wonder what it feels like to be fully chosen.”
What could one add when the experts have put it so well? Nevertheless, let us break it down a little more: An ideal partner should have all or some of these or at different stages of development:
Financially: Responsible, plans for the future, avoids reckless spending, provides stability.
Romantically: Expresses affection without being prompted, surprises you without needing an occasion.
Relationally: Respects your family and friends, communicates openly, values your opinions. |
Psychologically: Secure in himself, not manipulative, supports your growth. Emotionally sound ie of good temperament or at least working towards it
Spiritually: Seeks God’s guidance, prays with and for you, honours biblical principles.
These are of course not exhaustive. The Bible is however clear: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). This means love is sacrificial, protective, and enduring. Wives also have their vital role as they are called to submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22), not as inferiors of course, but as partners in God’s divine order. Love is never one-sided — it is a balance of roles.
So ladies, how do you view these takeaways on what genuine love could look like?
He remembers important dates without reminders.
He is kind and giving: Might even give gifts spontaneously, not only on occasions.
He shows up in difficult times, not just when convenient.
He listens attentively and values your feelings and views.
He plans a future with you, not just the present moment or giving off vague vibes
He treats you as a priority, you feel like his chosen one, not as just an option
If you constantly have to guess his feelings, chase his attention, or remind him of anniversaries — well, it may just be a difference in socialisation, or priorities — or something is really amiss, in which case you would do well to decide how much that matters to you, discuss with him how you feel and agree on a way forward.
The balance of love and submission
Ultimately true love flourishes when both partners align with God’s intent. Couples should regularly seek God’s face, reflect on areas needing adjustment, and humbly serve each other. When balance is achieved — husbands loving, wives submitting — marriages become testimonies of God’s faithfulness. Their home will be a haven of peace.
Share your comments and impressions on this topic. Next edition, we delve in detail on understanding submission in a dynamic era. A blessed Mothers’ Day Zimbabwe. Vana amai vese, all manner of mothers, rambai muchigoneswa naIshe. Tinokudai. Makakosha.
Feedback: Connect on Facebook: Naledi Laina Makuzha, or Whatsapp/SMS: +263719102572
