Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Our letters this week explore personal struggles with trust, boundaries and emotional disconnect in close relationships — whether with in-laws, romantic partners or a spouse.
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Dear Amai, I hope you are well. I am a 29-year-old woman, happily married and with one son. My husband and I generally get along well, and we both have stable jobs. We live a comfortable life and support both sides of our families equally.
However, my concern is about where we live — it is very close to my husband’s parents and siblings. His mother and siblings often come to our house when I am not around, raiding the pantry and fridge.
I have asked my househelp to stop them, but they simply ignore her. They have even figured out the times I am usually away. I do not understand why they do this, especially since we help them financially.
I have asked my husband repeatedly to address the issue, but he refuses to take action. I am reaching breaking point. This is becoming a very expensive problem. How can I solve it?
Response
Thank you for writing in. Your situation is not complicated, but it does require a firm and direct approach. Do what your husband will not — speak to his mother, woman to woman. Let her know how these uninvited visits are affecting your household and budget.
They may accuse you of being unaccommodating, but you must call a spade a spade. Over time, they will come to understand the impact of their actions. Your husband also needs to step up and set boundaries with his family.
As for the househelp, it may be time to hire someone new — someone they are not familiar with and who will follow your instructions.
Make sure she locks the gate when you are not home and does not allow anyone in without your permission.
Ensure she has a phone so she can alert you if disturbances occur. It is difficult to instil order but letting this continue will only make things worse. Be direct and sincere, and address it head-on.
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Is he playing games with me?
I hope I find you well. I am a 23-year-old woman in my final year of university. I am dating a man who is seven years older than me.
I have known him for a long time since he lives nearby. He asked me out many times and I always declined — until this past January when I finally gave him a chance.
We never do anything exciting; we mostly just hang out at home. He even forgot my birthday and did not send a message.
He communicates poorly and I feel like I am putting in all the effort. He says he wants us to settle down, but I am unsure if that is wise given the disconnect between us. Please help.
Response
The fact that you turned him down several times before finally agreeing to date him says a lot. Deep down, you may have sensed he was not the right person for you. Is he employed? You mentioned he never takes you out or does anything special to show affection.
Sometimes, what we expect may genuinely be beyond someone’s means — but effort and communication do not cost money.
You cannot talk about settling down when the relationship itself feels so casual. Tell him what you need from him and how it would improve your connection.
Only then can you seriously consider a future together. Have that conversation now so you know where you truly stand.
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I ‘robbed’ my hubby
Dear Amai, how are you? I am a 30-year-old woman and mother of two boys. My husband and I generally get along well — we even budget together. I am writing to you because I did something I deeply regret.
Recently, I was looking for my charger, which I had misplaced, and I went through my husband’s belongings. I found a large envelope labelled “Hospital Receipts”. Out of curiosity, I opened it and discovered a significant amount of money in United States dollars.
I took about half of it and left the rest. I am not sure if he noticed, but the envelope has since been moved and the money is no longer where I left it.
His mood has not changed, but I am consumed with guilt. I do not know what he is thinking, and I am unsure whether I should confess. Please help me. What should I do?
Response
Thank you for writing in. I am glad to hear that you and your husband have a strong relationship and work together on your finances. That is a solid foundation, but trust is a key pillar and unfortunately, you have compromised it.
Whether it was a moment of weakness or something deeper, you need to come clean. Taking that money without his knowledge was a breach of trust. If you did not understand what the money was for, you should have asked.
It could have been earmarked for something important — medical bills, debt repayment or family obligations.
If he is unaware of the missing amount, he might wrongly blame someone else or face serious consequences later.
Be honest with him. Tell him what happened; explain that it was a lapse in judgement and assure him it will not happen again.
Whether he forgives you is his choice, but your sincerity will go a long way.
In future, always seek clarity before making decisions that affect your household. It will save you from unnecessary drama and preserve the trust you have built together.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
