malvernmugadzikwa
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Hello Amai. I am 23 years old and my husband is 24. He is employed as a gardener.
I am not gainfully employed but I run a small vegetable market. We are blessed with two beautiful kids, a boy and a girl. We struggle to meet our own financial needs while also being expected to support my in-laws at their rural home. However, his parents have been pushing us to have more children.
As a united force, we both said no to the idea. I do not know what they ended up saying to my husband because he has changed his stance and he now wants more children.
I tried to convince him that we cannot afford it, but instead he threatened me. He stated that if I continue to say no to his request, he will have children out of wedlock. I am heartbroken; I do not know what to do.
Response
Dear writer, thank you so much for reaching out to me. I am well and thanks for inquiring. Your letter made my reading very sad. It is unfortunate that some people think it is okay to have multiple children without considering their welfare.
It is very confusing that his family has a say when it comes to making such decisions. What is your husband looking for? Currently you are already blessed with two children. Considering your income streams, with all due respect, you do not have much. Therefore, it does not make sense to increase the number of your children at present.
Your husband’s threats are foolish and cruel. It is not fair to bring a child into the world when you know very well that you do not have the means to look after them. I suggest you look for respectable people in the community like pastors or elders to speak to you and your husband and help you maximise what you already have.
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My conscience is killing me
Dear Amai, I hope you are well. I am married to a beautiful wife and we have three kids. I have four siblings, two brothers and two sisters. We are all married. My brothers and I run a very successful business in our rural home called “The three brothers”.
We contribute equally to fund the business and our families are happy with it. A fortnight ago, my eldest brother asked me to pay his share for him since he was not able to travel with us.
Upon return he would reimburse my money in full. A few days ago, he repaid the same debt. It seems he forgot that he had already settled what he owed me. I pocketed the money as if all was normal but now my conscience is killing me. Amai, how do I make things right? I did not even tell my wife about the double payment. Should I just keep quiet? Please help.
Response
Greetings writer, I am well and thanks for asking. From your communication, I deduced that you come from a very good background. Working on a money-generating project as brothers and keeping your families intact says a lot about you. That is how it should be.
I am happy that you have a conscience; it is becoming a very rare commodity. Please let your brother know that he paid you twice. Do not destroy the bond that you have built because of money. Tell him that upon reconciliation you figured out that he overpaid you. What if he is trying to see what kind of a person you are?
There is also the risk that he may remember that he overpaid you. I assume that you knew that what you did was wrong because you did not tell your wife about it. It is never too late to do the right thing.
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My best friend backstabbed me
Dear Amai, please keep up the good work; we are learning a lot from your Sunday Mail column. I am a 24-year-old guy and I am dating my high school sweetheart. We stay in the same town but in different locations.
My best friend, who recently bought a car, stays closer to her. From time to time, I would provide him with fuel money and request that he drive my girlfriend to and from her home. We are both gainfully employed.
A few days ago, my girlfriend’s closest pal sent me a picture of my girlfriend kissing my friend.
She asked me if I knew what was going on. This broke my heart and I forwarded the picture to her. Her reply was quick, but it made the situation worse. She replied in Shona stating, “Taitamba chiramu”. I trusted my friend to ferry my girl back and forth. I do not want to see them both, ever again. I feel betrayed! What else do I not know?
Response
Hello and thank you for avidly supporting this column. What you stumbled upon is heartbreaking. To make matters worse, it was done by people you love and trust.
Kissing is a very intimate action; it has a significance. That photo is a signal for you to move away from a disastrous situation. The picture could be just the tip of the iceberg, so you have to be careful.
I think you need to get to the bottom of this issue by having a candid meeting with these two guys before you decide a way forward. The meeting would also give you a sense of closure. The fact that your girlfriend’s best friend sent you the image suggests another form of betrayal.
Why were you talking to her in the first place? The four of you may need to have this sit-down sooner rather than later. Please grow from this; you will not be young forever. Experiences such as this will refine you to become a better person.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
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