adminAnne Ruthernberg Marriage Doctor
Hello there everyone. We should be back to work by now or back into our daily groove where ever we are. Yes the year has begun and there is no looking or going back. This week I am answering the following;
Dear Doc,
My husband is always accusing me of cheating behind his back so im tired about that i nid ur advise pliz. Its not his 1st time 2 say that even if i talk to other men even his friends who came to visit us he changes moods so im always ask y then he will start saying i laugh with others more than with him so l dont understand him any more but he claims that he loves me yet i dont have peace any more. I charted wth my x frnd who is in south then he is saying that ther is something behind that.
End.
Hello there reader, thank you for your question. From the detail you are giving me, all I can get from this issue, is that your partner is feeling insecure in the relationship and because of that he is reacting jealously.
I also see that he has already giving you a reason why he is acting in this jealous or possessive way. He stated that you seem to be happier around other men including his friends than you are with him.
I also see an action you have taken or have been taking that is not okay, and that is the fact that you are contacting or being contacted by your ex.
Let me address the statement of concern from your man. Why are you seemingly happier with other people than you are with your man. Truthfully that is not normal. The reason one has a partner is because this person makes you happier than other people. But if you are happier outside the marriage, then this must mean that there is an issue in your relationship.
You told me that your man says he loves you, but my dear my concern is that you did not tell me how you feel about your man or the relationship. You say you do not have peace anymore, but it seems that you are the one causing the lack of peace in the relationship. You never once stated in your message that you love your man why? What has happened? Why are you still with him?
My next question is why are you still contacting your ex? Yes I am seriously asking you that question. This person is no longer in a relationship with you, you are with a new man, whom you are supposed to love, to laugh with, to communicate with, to socialize with, to share intimate moments with, to love, to share important memories with. What then would you be talking to your ex about my dear? And what is it you would want to talk to another man about that you cannot speak to a female friend?
I suspect my dear that you are either not very committed to your man, so you still want to flirt and be very friendly with other men. Or could it be that you are no longer happy in your relationship and so you are finding fulfilment with other men. Just because the men you are happy with are known by your man, does not mean it is okay. The issue is not who you are flirting with; the issue is that you are acting happier with other men more than with your man, that is the problem dear.
My dear I sense you are not very happy in your relationship, so I would suggest be truthful with your man. If it is something he is not doing, tell him. If it is something he is failing at, tell him. You are worried about his current behaviour, but his behaviour is the fruit of something deeper between you that is not okay.
You two need to talk and quickly. One of you is going to start having an affair very soon the signs are starting.
If of cause you say you are just a friendly woman, okay I understand. But what I do not understand is why you are more friendly with outsiders than with your partner. I know women that are “Tomboys”, they prefer male company. But the women make sure that they shows more love and attention to their men.
If you really love him, you would not make him feel insecure or very jealous or unhappy in front of other people. A woman in love will touch her man, she will whisper silly things in his ear, hold his hand, put her head on his shoulder or chest, kiss his head or cheeks or hand or lips, all in front of other men. And if you do this for him, he will stop being suspicious. And you need to stop chatting with your ex.
My last advice is tha if you are no longer happy with your man or relationship and is you are not married, it is best to save his heart now and end the relationship by telling the truth. But if you say it is all innocent on your part and you love him, then it is best you change your behaviour and start acting like you are in love dear.
There is nothing wrong with laughing and joking with other guys, but if you are in a relationship you need to make sure your man feels more important and more loved. Think about it dear, if this was your man doing this to you, how would you feel?
Think about all I said dear and start communicating with your man. If he is a man that does not like talking, you will have to make a specific appointment with him to get his attention. Life is too short, some of these issues are unnecessary for us to go through in relationships, so lets sort this out soon.
That’s it from me folks, until next week have a blessed week.
Marriage Doctor can be messaged/watsapped on 0772 933 845 or email: [email protected].
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