Insecurity demons

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

THERE is that nagging, close to anger feeling that rears its head wherever matters of the heart are involved. The manner in which it manifests itself is still subject to speculation. Some associate it with love, but some quickly dismiss it for insecurity. Some have justified it by saying that love and jealousy go hand-in-glove. Whenever jealousy manifests itself, it needs surgery precision to separate it with its formidable conjoined twin known as insecurity.

Such is the nature of any relationship, insecurity has always been a creature lurking in the darkest crevices, coiling itself to strike with maximum effort. It has therefore been said that insecurity in a relationship is a mirror reflection of how a person feels in the absence of his or her partner. Those with better knowledge to insecurity claim that whenever couples are haunted by insecurity, it is likely that cheating skeletons are jam-packed in closets.

Such is the vague nature of insecurity in relationships. Bringing the issue to our homes, I wonder how many men would let their partners go out and have fun in their absence. Even women, most are not settled when their partners are not by their side as they always suspect that they are up to no good. Suspicions of being cheated are haunting many and have taken away their happiness and peace. We call that insecurity demon!

So what brings to table insecurity demons where relationships are involved? Is it past experiences or it’s just the fragile nature of human beings? The response to that is fairly shocking in as much as it is intriguing. The reason why SOME women or men would never feel secure whenever their better-halves are absent is because they have the potential or chance to do things they themselves would have done in their absence as well.

Behaviour change in the absence of your partner has always been the main problem where insecurity is concerned. When you have a weakness in the absence of your partner and do things you know are not acceptable then it will come back to haunt you as you will definitely feel insecure when your partner is not present. Your insecurities are bound to be within that radius of suspecting that your partner is out there flirting or worse if it’s a woman, dishing her goodies to other men. Such is the ailment of insecurity; it’s one of the most twisted elements in relationships.

On the other hand it doesn’t only border on sexual issues, it goes as far as monetary or family issues are concerned. Some men are at the receiving end and suspect that their women are using juju on them, but how do such issues arise? Past experiences or even confessions from friends are the main fodder for such thoughts. At this point one can therefore, conclude that insecurity also adds up as learned behaviour or sixth sense from colleagues.

It has always been a society marriage cornerstone to argue that women use korobela on their men, to the extent that even up to now, even though women don’t use korobela on their men, dinner is seen as a medium of total control by the fairer sex. Such is the nature of insecurity. Although as Heartbreaks we focus much on insecurity issues that inevitably or predictably lead to break-ups. Does this sound familiar? Well, if it does, read on as it gets even more interesting.

If you are a religious reader of this column it’s safe to assume that you have been a victim and suffered a heartbreak at some point. At this point, insecurity has a one way lane which leads to heartbreaks. It’s close to impossible to have a lasting relationship with someone you don’t trust. In sad cases it leads to violent break-ups or death. Insecurity efficiently destroys relationships in a unique and silent manner.

Therefore, at this point many would ask, is there a possible way of exorcising insecurity demons? The answer is that it’s a long process. Unlike other relationship monsters, insecurity stems from lack of trust. Trust is earned in a hard way. When lost, expect the worst insecurity demons which would have found a lifetime host. The only better way of avoiding insecurity is going head strong with trust. That’s the only formula, anything less we might as well add it for a disaster recipe.

If you are insecure in a relationship, you will even see or have problems which do not even exist. All the drama will be in your head and you come to believe it and find no solution as it destroys you and your relationship. Negative thoughts will always have a direct effect on the quality of your relationship. Never apply for heartbreak by entertaining the insecurity demon. Love, trust your partner and never expect the worst!

Share your comments WhatsApp 0712978471.