Sundaymail EditorLife Issues with FGK
I have extensively talked about the issue of integrity and its attributes over the past weeks.
It is clear that we all value the virtues that are found on a person with integrity. This is because we all want other people to treat us well and behave themselves in a manner that does not infringe our peace and well-being.
There is a particular type of behaviour that we want people to adopt for us. Conversely, some people have their own specific behaviours which they expect from us.
We all should be strict and follow the set ethics and morale guides given by God to humanity. Without integrity, our relationships will be painful and short-lived. It is up to us to make or break lives by choosing to adopt a life full of integrity or without.
Sometimes lack of integrity within a marriage set up leads to one or both partners falling into infidelity.
If they or one of them resorts to having an affair, the differences can be salvaged with intense counselling, and the wronged party might be able to forgive.
However, when there is a repetition of the same wrong actions within that marriage, trust is broken just as when the affairs are multiple.
When infidelity becomes habitual, even after counselling, there are less chances of rebuilding trust, let alone affection. The union is as good as dead.
It is unhealthy to stay in a marriage that is periodically punctuated by infidelity, for it brews jealousy and anger, which could result in a fatal ending.
I will share with you a depressing example from my neighbourhood.
A certain family is respected so much by the other residents. The husband is a metallurgist and the wife works for an insurance company in Harare’s Central Business District.
Their lifestyle is better than that of most of the other families in the area. Talk of their nice cars and children learning at an expensive school in Chisipite.
The wife usually drives the kids to school before going to work.
At face value, this is a typical model couple.
I personally felt God should bless many other couples like He had done with this one. But that feeling did not last long, I recently discovered something horrible about the family.
The husband is living in torture.
Their supposedly beautiful mansion is apparently full of ghosts!
This woman’s husband shared with me a creepy story.
The couple has been married for 18 years now. They met when the husband was 33 years old, in Kwekwe, where he used to work as a metallurgist at a certain mine that smelts iron.
He and his wife are “blessed” with four kids, one girl and three boys. The eldest is “their” sixteen-year-old son (name withheld).
Three years before he met his wife, an incident that turned his life into a nightmare occurred. He was on a hoist which was taking him and other miners down an iron ore mine shaft, 150 metres deep.
On its way down, the hoist rope rubbed through a sharp stone and was cut. The cage carrying them fell 100 metres deep into the shaft. The cage had seven miners on board, him included. He was the only survivor.
He was rescued two days after the accident and got hospitalised in the intensive care unit for eight months.
Doctors concluded that he would be paralysed for life. But after a year of physiotherapy, miracles began to happen one after the other.
Within two years, he was fully recovered.
He went back to work and his life was normal again.
But the accident left him sterile for life as he developed a condition called varicocele. His valves, some veins and related structures, were compressed beyond repair.
Six years after this accident, he met his wife and they married and wedded that same year. He never disclosed his condition to her or anyone, even his relatives because of fear of stigmatisation and related abuses.
A year into the marriage, his wife convinced him to be born again, which he did and became a fully committed Christian within his wife’s church.
They both began serving God in that church. Eventually they were ordained pastors due to their commitment to God’s work. The wife is very instrumental in ladies’ training and she is the head of the ladies’ department as she deputises the senior pastor’s wife.
She conducts marriage teachings to couples, touching on the issues of faithfulness and submission.
But the couple’s predicament started sixteen years ago when this man’s wife got pregnant and “they” were blessed with their first born child.
He did not show the world that something impossible had happened. However, to avoid doubt, he took his son for a DNA test, which proved that he was not the father.
The marriage continued but the issue was eating him up.
Years after, “they” got three more children.
He repeated the DNA test on every child, without the knowledge of his wife, and the results were all negative, proving something that he already knew – that the children were not his, none of them.
The man continues to stay with his wife and children, but he has developed high blood pressure, severe anger problems and irritability. He has developed hatred for the kids and everyone in his house irritates him. He feels he does not belong there anymore.
What would you advise him to do in this situation?
These are pastors serving God, and they are an example to many people in their society and church.
What should he do?
Quote of the week: Without integrity, our relationships become a source of pain, perpetual struggle and can be short-lived.
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