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HEARTBREAKS are real. I am not really sure there is a “pleasant” way to break someone’s heart but I think there is certainly a right way to go about it. In reality nobody likes rejection, and when it comes from the mouth of a lover, or former lover, it surely does not become any easier of a pill to swallow.
Part of what makes rejection so difficult is that there is not usually much you can say, or do, in response to it. Sometimes you just have to accept it, hard as it is. When breaking up with someone, you need to be mindful of the consequences of your own actions and being broken up with via text is petty though it is becoming all too common.
Remember, with matters of love, you are almost always playing with a person’s most intense emotions and while you might think that a break-up is in both of your best interests, you can never be too sure your significant other will agree to a break-up so that is why I personally think one needs to be mindful of all these things before tapping send on your phone.
For this reason, it is only fair to go the extra mile, yourself, to make sure he or she is comfortable with how things are playing out or, at the very least, understands where you are coming from. With anything in life, it is always best to finish strong.
Whether it is at a job you may not like or in a relationship with someone whom you might have once loved how you choose to finish something will likely serve as someone’s lasting impression of you.
Have the respect for your significant other and yourself and break-up in person. It is just the right thing to do.
This week our topic touches on a woman who received a break-up text from her lover leading to a series of events and eventually left her dealing with the heartbreak of being dumped by two men.
It’s so devastating to come to terms with speaking of someone in the past tense when you used to see them as your present and your future. I met my high school sweetheart during our school days and we were crazy in love, I had planned long term and I thought he was the one I would wake up to and spend the rest of our lives falling deeper into love.
He was an outstanding athlete and managed to secure a scholarship abroad to pursue his sporting career. At first I was against the idea of him leaving me because I was worried it would cause a rift and I was not ready to have a long distance relationship.
However, I had to face up to my demons and deal with my insecurities as I thought long term and because I believed in him I knew he had a bright future ahead of him and we would both benefit from his achievements. I supported him all the way and then he started having problems with his visa application and he was frustrated most of the time.
One day he told me that his mother had told him that our relationship would not stand the test of time and I wanted to prove her wrong because I loved him and he was my world and we both believed in “us”.
Eventually he was granted the visa and he phoned to tell me about his travel plans and seeing as he was going away for a long time I thought it would be nice to go and see him off and spend some quality time together. So I packed my bags and travelled to see him and when I got there he was really happy to see me and when I got to his house he made dinner and special arrangements just to make our night memorable.
On that very same night he assured me that we would work and get married and move together and I gave him my heart and all of me. I was willing to stay faithful to him even though we had not yet “officialised” things. I felt safe when he assured me that we were going to work out and that it was always going to be me.
He left the country to start a new chapter of his life and then he settled in well and started school and we would communicate every time and nothing changed. He slowly started changing and communicating less but I understood because I knew he had school pressure and was still finding his way around.
Then it got to a point where I would send messages and he would go online read my messages and then not reply or if he did he would take time to. We started having problems because I just could not understand why he was changing and why he was being distant and I had my frustrations but each time I asked him about it we would fight so I decided to be understanding some more and give him space.
One day from out of the blue I received a message from him and I was happy until I opened it. He was ending things and apologising that he had been wrong about making it work because it was just not happening. My heart was in pieces, I was shattered, broken and I was hurting. I lost my mind for a bit and my world came down crashing. I went home and tried to understand what had just happened and I could not believe my eyes so I decided to phone him and he told me the very same thing he had texted to me.
To say it hurt would be an understatement, I cried my heart out for two weeks and I was not talking to him, and the next thing he called me telling me he was sorry and wanted us to try again. I was still head over heels and I wanted to be whole again so I took him back. However, I was not certain about the relationship and I had a lot of un-answered questions so much that I was convinced that he was just playing with my heart again.
I decided to date someone else though I did not love the guy. Well, at first it was fun and exciting because when two guys are rooting for your love, you may feel like the ultimate catch, but you will end up the ultimate loser and your indecision is a cruel trick played by the universe which will leave you all alone when you get caught.
Anyway I was with the second guy because I feared being alone and I wanted to belong and be appreciated. I wanted to have someone to fall back on just in case it did not work out again with my first I would not be left broken. I knew that there was everything wrong with my second relationship but I kept on ignoring my instinct. I started comparing the two and the new guy was giving me attention and I let my guard down and moved with the flow.
Months later I started having problems with my second relationship only to discover that they both knew each other and eventually the truth came out. I was caught and both guys made a big deal out of it and trust was lost and I had created a big mess of things. I tried to make it work with both of them but they were just not willing to try again because I had betrayed both of them. I found myself alone. It was heartbreaking for me and I was left in pain of dealing with two heartbreaks because of one silly text I received, I even had to change myself so be careful with hearts because you cannot delete the memories from them as easily as loading them with the memories.
Getting through a break-up is as much a physical process as an emotional one. Remember that, and know that it will get easier. Keep going. You will get there someday and in the meantime continue to share your heartbreaking stories with us.
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