adminBusie Mshede
BECAUSE I am a woman I have to be blamed that Bulawayo men “do not marry”. It seems that fewer and fewer people in general are getting married these days, and even fewer men seem interested. Men no longer see marriage as being as important as they did years ago perhaps, I don’t know.
Census results suggested that Bulawayo men do not marry because of various reasons. But one that caught my attention was some discussion I heard, and as always the women. Well for me an unfortunate fact is that not everyone is meant to be married.
Marriage is a choice people make when they want to spend their lives together. To rush that choice does a disservice to both parties. Anywhere after the census hype I took time to ask both women and men and this is what they had to say:
Men said:
You’ll lose friends. When married, men’s ties with friends from school and work tend to fade. Although both men and women lose friends after marriage, it tends to affect men’s self-esteem more, perhaps because us, men tend to be less social in general after marriage as she is always going on about not liking my friends.
You could lose your kids, and your money. This was in reference to my column last week, agh! you will raise children that are not yours. Lots of men I spoke to were aware of the dangers of divorce, and worried that if they were married and it went sour, the woman might take everything, including the kids. Other men were concerned that they might end up paying child support for kids who aren’t even theirs, a very real possibility in many cases.
Women said:
LOW SELF-ESTEEM: One personality disorder that most people suffer is low self- esteem, hence, men are not exempted from this. Low self-esteem is rating yourself so low while comparing yourself with another person. If some men could be wise to know what a woman wants, you would not allow self-esteem issue to belittle your real worth. Marriage is not about comparison. If it were to be, everybody would be looking out for their mate (with the same IQ, temperament, maturity or understanding) to marry. Men need to change their perception about us women if love is the drive for the relationship then put a ring on it!
LACK OF UNDERSTANDING: When a thing is under-studied, it will be very difficult to handle properly. One thing that has been discovered is that men lack the understanding of how to deal with us. Apart from the fact that some of them could be disrespectful or proud, women can easily be handled if you deal with them in knowledge. What makes a man a player? His ability to deceitfully play a woman’s heart and mind.
But if a woman is well studied and understood properly, there is a way to love her and she will worship you irrespective of her achievements or status.
FEAR: A key factor that prevents men from marrying is fear. How will I cope with her? How can I fit into her life and all? Many “hows” are the questions most men ask themselves. If your main reason for marrying her is “love”, I mean true love; not for anything else I see no reason why you should be afraid of asking her hand in marriage. A lot of men are afraid because they feel we are too expensive to manage. Money does not make a good marriage but genuine love and a handful of money perhaps.
SOCIETY BELIEF: There are some things that lack an element of truth which most people do accept as true. One such thing is that us women cannot make a good wife or better mothers. Men are the carrier of this belief, hence it is untrue. When a woman makes up her mind to be good, nothing can change that decision except if she is treated harshly. Do not join the society to spread this unbiased belief about women.
So really men should get off it. Every woman is a good wife depends on how you handle or deal with her. Till next week let’s keep talking.
Feedback from last week:
$20 is not a realistic figure for maintenance the courts need to do something. – 0715875380
Teach girls to respect themselves and avoid this animal called maintenance. – 0712970651
I love your column. – 0772896458
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