Online Reporter
Fadzayi Maposah
Correspondent
I have challenges crossing the busy streets of Harare. I have concluded (after self-diagnosis!) that I have some phobias that I may still need to conquer.
I was in my early days of college life when I witnessed someone being hit by a vehicle. I don’t know whether that person survived the incident or not.
I just did not want to be part of such bad news. This was many years ago at the corner of Samora Machel Avenue and Leopold Takawira Street. I try to take my time when crossing the road.
At times, people look at me and wonder why I take so long. I have been told that I am too scared and that I should relax just a bit and cross without being too uptight.
I am not able to tell them my story. It is something that I carry inside me, and when people criticise, I tell them not to worry, I will cross the road when I am ready.
I have had the opportunity to be with relatives and friends when crossing the road; others will be adventurous and get to the other side, and then look at me as I take my time. Being watched only adds to the anxiety
Getting to the office where I have been assigned to work these days is a daily test for me.
As soon as I thank Sekuru for the ride and then wish him and the others in the car a pleasant day, I know that my test of crossing the road to walk to my workplace gate has begun. Others do not say it, but I know the feeling is shared with many. When I say I take my time, I mean just that.
I have told myself that I will cross when I do not have to run over to the other side.
If I should take hours at the road, I am sure that my Human Resources Department will hear about me and organise a rescue mission. Since I come to work very early, I am never in a hurry to cross.
There are days when someone will assist me to cross the road gently, no questions asked. There are days when someone will shout something as I get nearer them.
Recently, someone shouted; “Mother kucrosser road hakudi kuita serious yakanyanya kunge muri kugadzira CV yekutsvaga basa,” loosely translated; “Crossing the road does not need one to be so serious as if you are preparing a CV for job hunting”.
How mean can a person get? On this other day I had crossed the road at my own time with someone who said that he was never in a hurry too.
He looked at me and when I did not say anything, he said he had thought that I was going to say something bad. I told him that I had told myself I did not have the energy to respond.
He told me that he had been called names for taking time to cross the road. Maybe they will put speed humps to slow down the cars he said as we parted. Maybe it will happen, I responded.
I was thinking of my response when I discussed with someone who has two children and has been trying for a third one, without luck yet.
There are some family members who think that they are enjoying having the two children and are not eager to have more simply because they are being selfish.
The choice of words is amazing. How does one who is not your spouse become selfish because they have not had many children? Sadly some people think that getting pregnant is as natural as the sun rising. Like me and crossing the road, people watch from a distance and think that I am being a coward or I just do not want to cross the road at that particular time.
How many of us know the trauma of hoping that the pregnancy is a done deal, only to have a very normal menstrual period? Men and women are equally broken by trying to get pregnant and failing.
The ones who have had other children are judged harshly because in the past, it simply happened.
The complexity of getting pregnant is only looked at in a deeper context after it does not happen. When there are no challenges, it is taken as something that just happens.
The processes that happen behind the scenes are trivialised just because the expected outcome is a foregone conclusion. Getting pregnant is not easy, though it may seem easy. It is about attention to time and processes.
If the time and processes are not aligned or there are humps, no pregnancy will happen. At times like me crossing the road, one is hesitant and when one thinks the time is at hand, one becomes uptight. Being uptight strains the body and also affects the processes.
When one gets another to guide them in the process, like those who help me cross the road, it is better.
While those who have comments to shout will always be there, it is important to acknowledge those who look out for you. Word of caution, there is nothing easy. Never think just because you can do it, it becomes easy. It could have seemed easier in the past, but something complicated it.
Reach out and get the necessary support. Secondary infertility is the inability to have another baby after at least one successful pregnancy, and it affects both men and women. It is a frustrating experience. If you think you really need to know, make sure you ask both parties involved, not just one side..
Encourage them to seek medical attention if they still want more children to get a proper diagnosis and improve their chances of getting pregnant.
