Sundaymail Editor
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I have been married to my husband for 40 good years. We are both lawyers and retired. We are now pursuing other projects at our plot. We had very successful careers throughout our working years.
Unfortunately, we never had children of our own. Despite that, we never stayed alone. Several children, at least five from my husband’s side, came to stay with us.
Some were his sisters and brothers’ kids. We put them through good and expensive schools, one after another, and looked after them like our own kids. Our house was like a halfway home for our relatives, but we did not mind at all. We did our best to accommodate everyone.
However, it seems they have all forgotten us, except for one, who is a doctor, who comes to check on us every now and then.
Is this because we are not their biological parents or is there something we do not know of? Amai, my heart is broken and the pain of not having my own children has never been this strong.
Response
Dear writer, thank you so much for your letter. It is refreshing to hear of a 40-year happy marriage. That is a milestone. Congratulations can tell that you and your spouse make a good team. You worked your hearts out and helped the needy.
The fact that they have made it in life should make you happy because that was your objective. Out of the lot, only one remembers and looks back. That is good enough and should make you proud.
Do not worry. Even some biological parents face similar problems with their own children. Have you ever tried to reach out to any of them? It would be good to make the first step and see if a connection can be re-established.
Finally, yet importantly, you played your part as a guardian/parent. There is no need of regretting. While you did not have biological kids of your own, you positively impacted the lives of many children around you. I wish you all the best.
*************
Grandad refusing
to go back home
Dear Amai, thank you so much for The Sunday Mail column. I am a man aged 29 and married to a 25-year-old woman. We were blessed with a one-year-old son. We live in a small apartment with just enough space for a young family.
We also have a live-in helper because of the baby. My grandfather came to town for his medical review and my brother brought him to our place for an overnight stay so he could see us.
The following day, he came back to pick him up so that he could be taken back to his rural home. We were shocked when he refused and said he was happy to be staying with us and does not want to return yet. I really do not know what to do. We are squashed; the helper is now sleeping in the kitchen.
He is my father’s dad and stays with my parents. My parents are losing their cool, saying how can we allow him to dictate what he wants? Amai, what can I do? He is forcing himself on us.
Response
Thank you for writing in. I empathise with you. In as much as it is such an inconvenience, sekuru means well. He seems happy to be spending time with his loving grandchild. Limited space does not mean anything to him if he is used to being in similar conditions.
I suggest you engage your father because sekuru will likely listen to him. Remember, he knows him better, and he will most likely be quite diplomatic about it. He can convince him that his presence is desperately needed at home as an elder.
You have to be careful when you rebuke the elderly because you may end up doing more harm than good. I think you are very good hosts. That is also why he is feeling at home. I wish you all the best. Enjoy these moments.
These are some of the memories you will cherish once you move on up and gradually begin to afford larger homes.
Online Reporter