Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
Happy Saturday, family!
Can you feel it? That buzz in the air. I imagine school shoes getting polished. Ties getting straightened. Little hands drawing crooked “Happy Father’s Day” cards. Tomorrow we celebrate fathers. And what a beautiful thing to pause for.
Last week we talked about money— that it matters though not the main thing. We said real love — the God kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13 — is patient, kind, not self-seeking. This week, we turn our eyes to the men who help build safe homes: fathers. Dear fathers, the world celebrates you and needs your love and kindness.
Proverbs 20:7 says, “The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him.” That blessing is not always money in the bank. Sometimes it is the blessing of knowing “My father shows up.”
Dr John Gottman, who has studied families for over 40 years, found that children thrive when fathers are “emotion coaches” — men do not just fix problems, but are sensitive. When your son is angry, you do not say “boys don’t cry”. You say “I see you’re upset. Let’s talk”. When your daughter is scared, you do not dismiss. You kneel and say “Daddy’s here”. That is strength, fathers. That is leadership. And it works. Children notice. They may not say it, but they store every “well done”, every bedtime story, every time you chose presence over your phone.
Some children will, however, wake up tomorrow and the chair at the head of the table will be empty. Not because their father died, but because he left. Physically. Emotionally. Or both. Psychologist Dr Meg Meeker, who writes on fatherhood, says children with involved fathers have higher self-esteem, better grades, and healthier relationships. When a father is missing, children often ask the wrong question: “What’s wrong with me?” instead of “What happened to him?”
If you are a father reading this and your children do not know your voice, your shoulder, your blessing… hear me. This is not to shame you. There is still hope, as long as you still have breath. Before Father’s Day ends, pick up the phone. Send the text: “I’ve been thinking about you, my son/daughter. You matter to me.” You will not fix 10 years in one day. But you open the door an inch. That too is progress. God sees your heart.
The Bible tells us in Luke 15 about a father who waited. Every day he looked down the road. And when his son came home broken, he didn’t give a speech. He ran and hugged him. Fathers, you can still run. Your children are still watching the road.
Grown children who have “made it” in the diaspora, please do not let distance become distance of the heart. I have read with disdain and heartbreak about some elderly fathers left alone in empty houses. Men who worked, sacrificed, sent you to school, missed your school plays so you could have fees . . . now eating meals alone.
Some grown children, knowingly or unknowingly, separate their parents by inviting only mum to stay with them overseas for months, even years. Dad is left behind to cook, to manage alone. Sometimes old feuds between parents become reasons to choose sides. Of course, affordability is real. Visas are hard. Houses might be small. But let us be thoughtful.
You may disagree with him on some matters. There may be real pain, harsh wounds even. God sees that. He is near the broken hearted. Honouring does not mean pretending the hurt did not happen. It does not mean putting yourself back in danger. Honouring, biblically, means you choose not to curse what God called you to bless.
Exodus 20:12 says: “Honour your father and your mother”. In some cases honour can look like a prayer from far away: “Lord, heal him.” It can look like boundaries with respect: “Dad, I love you, but we won’t discuss that topic.” It can look like gratitude for the good that was there, even if it was small. Honour is not selective. It is acknowledging both hands that God used to bring you here.
Fatherhood whether biological or not, is not about being perfect. It is about being present. Are you there vana baba? It takes courage to show up daily. Stop comparing your chapter 3 to another man’s chapter 20. Stop thinking “I must buy them the world to be a good dad”. What your child needs more of, daily, are your eyes. They need to know you see them. They need your time. Your kindness.
This weekend, do one kind thing on purpose. Consider these ideas:
- Ask your child “What’s one thing I do that makes you feel loved?” Then do more of it.
- Tell your son “I’m proud of the man you are becoming.” Words build men.
- Tell your daughter “You are beautiful and wise. No one can make you feel less.” Words guard girls against the lies the world might dictate.
- If you have been distant, please send that one text. No excuses in your messaging. Just “I love you. Can we talk?” You may never know what that can do for a longing or hurting heart.
- Children abroad,or just far: Send dad the same invitation you sent mum, as resources allow, or a call, or grocery delivery.
Share great stories of how you are honouring your father or father figure this weekend.
Until next edition, Happy Father’s Day.
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