admin
questions this week.
The responses to last week’s article alone have also been overwhelming and readers had different views on the topic “Mix of tradition, modernity key in marriage.”
Some readers felt that I should have just said it as it is and this is not the first time that readers have expressed such sentiments. Here are some of the emails:
l Hi Joyce, I trust you are well. I take it from your piece Herald is also meant to educate the “modern” generation. I don’t think they will understand what is meant by “pulling the ribbons”; I think you should have spelt it out. Some of them will no doubt ask their elders what it meant and what it’s all about, but the majority will be totally bewildered. Why not just spell it out?
The reason why I don’t really spell it out, is because this is a family paper and the information might fall into wrong hands – those who might not be able to process the information in an informed way – young people. I deliberately use jargon language so that couples, families and friends, parents can explain to their children in a more informed way and also discuss amongst themselves.
Anyway my brother as you say, let me spell it out, “pulling the ribbons” is the pulling of the labia to prepare for womanhood or marriage, to those who are into this practice. The ribbons are mostly used for sexual pleasure – to please the woman and the man. They are some who are not into “pulling the ribbons”; it is one of those ways of enhancing sexuality just like other ways which we have discussed and that we are yet to discuss in this column.
l A woman who was also having problems understanding the article had this to say:
I was lost and I kept reading ribbons and ribbons and I kept asking what are ribbons? It took me a long time to understand what you were talking about. This is interesting, it’s sore when you are older but that thing is elastic it stretches to whatever length you want.
I am happy to know that you understood at the end, and also thank you for explaining the way you have.
While there are some who prefer that I spell it out, some prefer the subtle way of writing.
l I like the way you put it Joyce because, as Africa, there are things we do not put across directly then the platform can go into any hands – since you cannot use forewarnings like PGA etc, as with films.
But what I also like is the fact that, as Africa, we are communal by nature – and your articles encourage social discussion and debate as we try and find out from each other – and that stimulates further discussions, thereby helping knit the social fabric. Asking those around does not kill – we learn from each other.
A woman who read the story expressed her displeasure and wrote:
l I believe that humans are created normal, why disfigure yourselves with these sad myths? It’s like the other Africans who circumsise girls for the same sad beliefs ( to please man ). This pulling is a very painful process for the girls, and those ribbons become swollen and painful when rubbed often. This act is senseless to me.
I sent this to some readers of this column to comment and here is one of the comments I got.
l God made one of us unique as individuals, the very reason why authorities use fingerprints to distinguish between different individuals for different purposes but, in the final analysis, distinction has to be made between mutilation (which may be removal or de-sensitisation of a part) and enhancing (which may exaggerate, but leave structure with original feelings but giving the owner the potential to feel good or even show off in appropriate situations).
So, in my opinion, ribbon-making (good or bad to some, depending on upbringing and exposure) is no different from fingernail extending, or momentarily pain-inducing practices like: tattoo-making, hair plaiting, plucking of eyebrows, piercing (ear-ring/nose ring/lip ring/belly button ring/genitalia ring, etc), and all sorts of figure-enhancing surgery.
If we are to talk disfiguring which deviates from how we were created, then we may as well lead a laissez faire life where we just “let it be” – then we will stop activities like shaving – (both upstairs and downstairs). At the end of the day, simply because our world has become outrageously democratic, it all boils down to choice – one does what they want with their body.
A contribution from a woman who is into this practice – “pulling of the ribbons”:
l Hi Joyce, I read your article and have some contribution(s).
Yes, I grew up in rural area of Zimbabwe and as young girls (up to 13yrs) we would go to swimming and take a small break and went kuseri kwemagarden (behind the gardens) and do the ribbon pulling – started swimming again. Those who were older within the group would tell youngsters and new comers what to do.
Now don’t you think that the issue of climate change (one of the many reasons ) has contributed negatively to this practice? All the madzivas (rivers) have disappeared.
On the other hand, the platform where we can draw attention and make some changes is within our own country. In other Western countries, integration courses is by denouncing the ribbon pulling practice. And because we like the practice, we are forced to do it secretly.
I did a course in pre-modernity, modernity, post modernity and trans-modernity and all the issues and references are related to developed countries.
During the exam I gave examples of Africa and my own country and they could not let me fail because I was giving really examples.
I can write books over this issue but . . . which is our starting point?
Would like to hear from you.
Our starting point my sister is here, we need those books as I have also started writing a book on sex in the African context and how women should understand their bodies before anyone comes into their lives and yours will be one of the books to be written on this taboo subject.
We need to document these issues, to document and pass on the information, oral traditions have gone this far but we need to start harnessing everything that we can get hold of and to document more dynamic ways; writing of books, making of documentaries, films have schools, clinics that discuss these issues. Get rolling my sister, time is not on our side.
I got an e-mail which encouraged me to start a school to teach these issues, yes it is important to have a school and also a clinic, the emails I receive from readers wanting to understand certain issues have also encouraged to study sexology in order to understand this subject from a scientific point of view.
There are some who felt that women were getting a raw deal from this whole thing – “pulling of the ribbons”.
l For starters when are women going to be their true selves? It’s all about pleasing men.
It’s as if women are sex objects. I know of women who despite having these ribbons are divorced and some without them are still married. Some are stuck with these ribbons which are a permanent reminder; the modern guy does know what to do with them in some instances. Please women be yourselves.
I also discussed with friends, sisters and those who follow this column. A woman who read last week’s article said:
“I think when you wrote the article you mentioned that the pulling of ribbons was encouraged so that a man could play with them and persuade the woman to engage in play time.
I don’t see anything wrong if women feel they want to do this to bring happiness in the leisure room.
This practice obviously was passed in some parliament long time ago, and for a bill like this to be passed it meant that everyone was involved men and women, but our society being patriarchy it had to be okayed and announced by a man.
There is no way this could have been successful if women were not part of it, whose ribbons were men going to play with if they did not include women.
Someone must have touched that part of the body and what came out of it was something – the leisure room must have lit up, just like once upon a time a gynaecologist while examining a woman touched what is known today as the “G” spot today.
If a man does not pass through Port “G” when navigating this can upset a woman. Women should not feel as sex objects if the pulling of ribbons makes them happy.”
Another woman felt that women should not be negative about everything that is “introduced” by man, if they can benefit from it they should make the best of it, most women are part of this practice because they benefit from it.
She also advised women who do not feel they do not want to pull the ribbons not do it, if has to be about choice and for a woman to be able to chose they need to be empowered.
We have discussed and encouraged women to be empowered in this column, as that is how they can live fulfilled lives – women need to empower themselves in order to be able to chose whatever they want in an informative way.
Sentiments were raised on how some felt that the introduction of ribbons to young women will give them ideas of wanting to sleep with men, but some chose to disagree that this should be part of a broader spectrum of sex education; educating girls and boys to understand their bodies and take care and look after their most prized possession.
Girls should be taught to love themselves and love their bodies, be proud of them, understand them, not to wait for men to tell them how beautiful they are.
They should have some sort of pride instilled in them and this is done during the time the girl is initiated into womanhood.
When Miriam Makeba went to sing in a shabeen she would sing a song – Into yami ngiyayithanda (I love my thing), so that people in the shabeen would know that she had not come for men, but to sing.
The Nguni song goes like this – part of the lyrics:
Into yami ngiyayithanda noma injani, into yami ngiyayithanda . . . ngiyekeleni ngento yami, ngiyekeleni ngento yami, into ngeyami, into yami, into yami. (I love my thing, I love my thing . . . please leave me alone with my thing).
Here Miriam Makeba is saying singing in a shabeen does not mean that I have come to look for men please do not touch me.
l Joyce Jenje Makwenda is a researcher, archivist, author, producer and freelance journalist she can be contacted on: [email protected]
Online Reporter