Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
LAST week we said: if you are too busy for love, you’re not ready for it.
True love makes space. And when its real, love is enough. But many asked: “What about money? Love doesn’t pay school fees.”
Fair question. Let’s talk about the elephant in many marriages: Money.
Society shouts: “No money, no marriage.” Even counsellors echo it. But here’s the truth: money matters, yet it is not the main ingredient. Love is.
When the pay cheque disappears
I read a letter to Mai Chisamba in The Sunday Mail recently: a man lost his job after years of providing for his family, even funding his wife’s studies. Suddenly, she treated him with contempt. He felt captive in his own home.
We only heard one side in that letter, but the pain is real. Many partners feel “redundant” overnight when income vanishes. Yet vows still say: “For better or worse.” So what kind of love exists only when money flows?
1 Corinthians 13 does NOT say — “Love is patient, unless you’re unemployed.” It says: “Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” If love collapses at retrenchment, it was not love — it was a transaction.
What money cannot buy
I have seen couples with little who radiate joy and wealthy couples who live in misery. Provision without presence is emptiness. A bank account cannot hold your hand at 2am. A promotion cannot whisper, “I’m proud of you.”
When money gets tight
Separate person from pay cheque: You did not marry a job title. Speak to each other as humans.
Remember who was there before the money: Grace goes both ways.
Teamwork over transactions: Budget, cook, pray together. Couples who problem solve together endure.
Guard your words: Words are currency. Spend them kindly.
Anchor in God: Seek first His kingdom. Security is not in ZWL, USD, or Rand — it is in Him.
Just to be clear: I am not saying money does not matter. Bills are real. School fees are real. “Love and air” would not fill a child’s stomach. Love is not enough if it is fake, lacking depth.
But love IS enough for every season when it is true, the 1 Corinthians 13 kind. I am here to remind someone that real love will:
1. Be patient enough to wait for a better season together
2. Be kind enough not to insult your partner when they are down
3. Be honest enough to say “we’re struggling” instead of blaming the partner who is in a dry season
4. Be sacrificial enough to downsize lifestyle if necessary, without downsizing respect
If you only love someone at their highest, it may be that you do not understand what it means to love truly. You love their benefits.
To the one feeling “less than” right now: if you are reading this with an empty wallet and heavy heart, you are not your bank balance.
You are not “less of a man” or “ less of a woman” because money is tight. The right partner will not leave when money leaves. Real love adapts, believes and stays. And with fervent prayer and consistent action towards your goals, you will come out victorious.
Insights from Alison Armstrong
Renowned author Alison Armstrong who has “studied men for 35 years”, views love as understanding the “operating systems” of men and women, then choosing to honour them instead of fighting them.
She is not a “fairy tale romance” teacher, she is practical. Her message is: “The purpose of understanding men and women is not to manipulate, but to create peace.”
Armstrong shares 3 core views on love:
1. Love = Admiration + Cherishing, not same-language
From her writings: “The Queen’s Code” and “Making Sense of Men”:
“Men need to be admired for what they do. Women need to be cherished for who they are.”
She says we crash because we try to love men the way we want to be loved. Women crave connection, emotional safety, being seen. Men crave respect, purpose, being trusted to solve things.
So love, to Armstrong, is learning to speak your partner’s language. If he is quiet, love might look like giving him space + respect, not chasing him for “talk to me”. If she is anxious, love might look like reassurance + presence, not only fixing her problem.
2. Love = Respect for differences, not trying to change them
She teaches that men and women literally think differently. Men are single-focus, purpose-driven. Women are multi-focus, relationship-driven.
Love is when you stop saying “why can’t you be more like me?” and start saying “ah, that’s how you’re wired. How can I work with that?”
That’s why in this column last week, Armstrong’s quote also fit so well: “men withdraw when they feel inadequate, women spiral when they feel unseen”. Love is knowing that and not taking it personally.
3. Love = Creating safety + peace, not getting needs met
Armstrong is blunt: “If you’re in a relationship just to get your needs met, you’ll always be disappointed.”
Love is when both people feel safe enough to be themselves. Safe to fail. Safe to be broke. Safe to not have answers. That is why she says “understanding creates peace”. When you understand him, you do not attack him when money is low. When he understands you, he does not call you “nagging” when you need reassurance.
I would love to hear from you! Have money issues ever tested your relationship? How did you resolve them? Share your insights below. Your story might help someone.
Until next week when we celebrate Father’s Day, may we choose more presence over presents, consistent teamwork over transactions and let us spread some real love.
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