Looking for a snake

I can spin some interesting bar talk along with the best of them but there are people out there who have never seen the inside of a bar who can do much better, I tell you.
There is a story of a lucky clutch of drinkers who found heaven on earth for just one night. (If only it could have happened to better fellows like you and I on a weekend).
Anyway, this is their story.

A fellow came into the usual place the other day claiming to have just left some part of the country where he had witnessed an incredible happening that no science can explain.
Of course, on further ques-tioning it turned out that he had not seen it with his own eyes but had only heard of the event from some drinking mates that he bumped into while stopping to wet his throat on a cold winter’s night.

So this is what happened at the place. I shall not mention the name for fear that the people from the named area will join the legion of Bra Gee anti-fans if the account is not true or has been so richly embellished as to be totally false.
According to the drinker who heard it from people who were told by those who were there, a commuter omnibus was travelling along one of the highways that lead from the capital city to the borders of the country.

It was in the evening (it is always in the evening).
The vehicle stopped to let off some travellers who had reached their destination.
As you know people going to the rural areas always carry a lot of luggage and it takes them a lifetime to disembark from a car.

So as they struggled with their loads of provisions and blankets and Chinese-made trinkets, and the driver had his hand on the hooter urging them to get off just as he had earlier begged them to get on.
Suddenly he stopped the hooting as he was confronted by the sight of a huge snake head by his window. The snake type is not specified but by all accounts it looked magnificently huge, scary and poisonous.
Then it opened its mouth and no, it did not strike the driver, it spoke.

“I am going to So n’ So Shopping Centre and I am tired of slithering along and I will be eternally grateful if you would give me a lift,” it politely requested.
Getting no objection it wriggled into the car and told the driver to proceed which he did.

Now I do not know about you but I think that driver is super hero. Me, if I was the driver I would have only asked that such a thing happens soon after I had just emptied my bladder and bowels, that is all. As for even driving the car, perish the thought!

And if I was a passenger, I would have made use of whatever was nearest, door or window to get out of that car. But maybe on second thoughts I would have stayed put. What if the new traveller had left a clan on the ground? Better to deal with the devil on board who appeared quite civil.

Anyway they went on until they got to the snake’s destination where it ordered the driver to stop. Predictably it was some dark hole in the midline of nowhere with no distinguishing mark and none of the other passengers was ever quite able to pinpoint the exact spot.

Before disembarking the snake informed the driver that he was not a leech and he did not expect to be ferried for free therefore he would pay his way and a huge bundle of dollars appeared on the dashboard.
The snake told the driver to make sure that he took none of the money home as it would bring him a lot of ill fortune. It was to be used instantly and not to be salted away for little inconveniences like rent, food and anything else like that.

So the driver moved on till he got to So n’ So Shopping Centre where everyone disembarked and they set about spending the heap of notes.
The regulars at the place were the delighted beneficiaries of the unexpected windfall. And they were the ones who later told the fellow who brought the tale to the usual place.

There was an all night party as the driver was determined to spend the money before daybreak.
A butcher was woken up so the crowd could have some meat. The bottle store owners thought that Christmas had come early.

Like I said when you think you have heard them all, a new one comes along. And now Paul and Officer have taken to repeating the story to those who did not hear it from the stranger.
And Taurai says that in another bar where Paul sometimes goes, he has been claiming that he was on the minibus when it happened.

But the truth is that yours truly visited So n’ So Shopping Centre to try and find out what really happened and everyone there says they have heard of the tale happening in the opposite end of the country.

Too bad. I had just gathered the courage to look for that snake and offer to be his chauffeur and get an unlimited bar and braaing expense account in return. What more can any drinker ask for? That would be heaven on earth.
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