Make a Difference: What we say should build others

Body language can mean the same as words. It conveys to the intended recipient the same meaning with the spoken word. Actions, gestures and glances can hurt as much as words do as the old adage says, “action speaks louder than words.”
I have, however, heard people say that it is better to be beaten than to be chided as words cut right to the bone marrow. Words leave an emotional scar and negative impression that is not easily forgotten.
Proverbs says “reckless words pierce like a sword” and goes on to say that the tongue of the wise brings healing.  I think there is need to control what we say because words spoken cannot be taken back. There are many times that we have uttered things that we wish we had never said. We wish we could erase them because they burden our conscience or they get us into trouble.
What we say can build or destroy others. I have seen families and friendships disintegrate because of the spoken word. Words tend to wound and deflate people who are otherwise energetic.
There is so much slander that is traded even between and among people of faith.
The Book of James in the Bible talks about the negative effects of the tongue. The tongue is likened to a fire and referred to as a world of evil that corrupts the whole person.
There are people who thrive on saying those things that hurt others especially if there is an audience. They want to prove to the world what a villain this other person is and demonstrate that they are better.
A friend of mine narrated an incident that happened at a bus stop, at peak hour during the days of fuel shortages. A certain man came along and tried to jump the queue, unfortunately right where she was. Since she had waited for a long time she saw it fit to tell the man that what he was doing was not right. The man could have none of that so he became very abusive, calling her names on top of his voice. He called her “hure” (prostitute) a term that is normally uttered by losers in tirades.
For a while, the man was on top of the situation as people laughed at his demeaning words. My friend being naturally a calm person says she took some time contemplating on how best to hit back in a way that would silence him. So she picked that man’s shoes were worn out and crying out for replacement.
Instead of protecting her image she decided to play along while at the same time hitting back really hard. She said to the man “ndiri hure zvangu asi murume anebhutsu dzinenge dzenyu handaimbomuda” (I could be a prostitute but I would not have gone out with a man with shoes such as yours).
She said that people roared with laughter when they checked out the shoes such that the man was left with no choice but to disappear into thin air.
Last week I was made to feel very foolish when I went to a public office to get some papers sorted out. I had waited for months for this date and I looked forward to it. Unfortunately I forgot my identity document. Since most of the time I carry my driver’s licence I produced it hoping it would be accepted.
I was later to regret my decision to produce my driver’s licence. I was ridiculed in a subtle way. Instead of telling me that the driver’s licence was unacceptable the officer addressed her colleague instead.
She asked her colleague whether this is what the office was advising clients to bring. This was said for the consumption of everyone to hear. Imagine how foolish you feel.
I wonder what is it with people that make us want to inflict pain on others.
Apart from those who denigrate others with words there are also those who cannot hold their tongues. They cannot wait to share anything that comes to their ears. They are the information centres of the village, the work place, the church and the community. As a result people get hurt as confidence is betrayed and also people act on information that is devoid of context.
One gentleman said something interesting about the way he views gossipers. He said that the person who repeats to the victim of gossip the nasty things that were said by some other people actually says what she has always wanted to say but had no guts. So she hides behind others.
Scripture says, “from the depth of the heart the mouth speaks.”
This means that the mouth pronounces what is in the heart. So it can be concluded that the mouth or the tongue is the mirror of the heart.
A loving and kind person speaks love and kindness. A bitter person speaks bitterness. An angry person spits venom. Envy and jealous is apparent in the many words that come out from an envious person.
In my view a person who has no peace in own heart creates discord among others. He disseminates what is stored in the heart.
I know many people desire to speak well but fail due to the power of temptation and pleasure of vilifying or gossiping about others.
Through words we can pull others down to levels that we wish them to be. We lie to ourselves and derive satisfaction from that but one thing for certain, is that what these people are cannot be changed by that.
Words can build others through encouragement, kindness, politeness and gentle answers.
Let’s learn to control what comes out of our mouths and more importantly seek to change what is stored in the depths of our hearts.
So that there is an outpouring of goodness in our speech.