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But many a time some of them suffer in silence due to societal prejudices and gender orientation which socialised them into a feeling that a “real man” is expected to be able of “control” his wife.
Apart from the embarrassment over admitting abuse, abused men may feel that they are somehow less of a man for “allowing” themselves to be abused as it erodes their dignity.
William Muzvidzwa (33) resorted to the cowardly act after he reportedly caught his wife pants down with a public service official at a Gokwe North lodge.
Barely a week after, Nathan Gwaze (25), who was working at Mbovana Secondary School, also hanged himself after he found a love message in his wife’s cellphone. In February this year, a chief was allegedly brutally assaulted with a machete by his live-in girlfriend who suspected that the traditional leader was having other affairs.
Chief Mpungu of Chisumbanje later succumbed to injuries sustained during the vicious machete attack at the hands of his girlfriend, Sarah Mtisi Mandlazi.
The 61-year-old Chief Mpungu, who sustained a deep cut on the forehead where he needed 13 stitches to cover the wound, deep cuts on both cheeks and lost a number of teeth in the process, is believed to have been murdered by his 31-year-old live-in girlfriend while they were alone at home.
The above disturbing incidents, and many others that have been reported, are framed and should be understood exclusively against the widespread impression that abuse is a female victim and male perpetrator problem.
Men and women, according to studies, react differently to abuse, because of differences in their socialisation.
Indeed it is undeniable that most perpetrators are males and that most of the victims are females but recent research reveals that statistics on abuse are controversial because some cases are not reported especially on the males’ side.
This is due to the concept of gender orientation which sees men not likely to report abuse cases but choose to brave the dilemma.
While most attention is given to women who are abused by men, men are often overlooked as victims of domestic violence leaving them to suffer in silence because they are afraid that no one will believe them or take them seriously.
While much of the attention is given to women as victims, men’s rights activists argue that violence against men is just as worthy of the attention.
Gender interpretations and reactions to abuse showed that there is little or no statistical data concerning men as victims of violence within the domestic realm.
But it goes without saying that men are just as likely to be abused physically, emotionally or verbally as women are. This is underreported, however due to the highly advertised notion that violence against women is more severe than that against men.
Unfortunately, because of the situation that has been created which positions violence against men as inferior, it becomes harder for victimised males to speak out and seek help.
In fact, some men who try to get help find that they are mocked and ridiculed leading them to sometimes engage in dangerous and violent behaviours to prove that they are “real men”.
Psychologists argued that when such overzealousness in projecting their “macho” image or status failed to yield intended results or went horribly wrong they then resort to cowardly acts such as suicide.
One analyst also observed that men respect gender stereotypes more than females and this influences their reaction to abuse as gender stereotyping prescribes that men should be overriding particularly in sexual matters.
When they are abused, they feel dominated and subdued to the extent that they feel their gender role identities would have been denied.
Another issue that prevents men from reporting abuse is a lack of resources or social structures, which may be real or imagined. Many domestic violence services are aimed mostly at helping women and girls. While the broader term “domestic violence shelter” is becoming more common, many shelters are still known colloquially as “battered women shelters”.
This insight that many men are too embarrassed to admit that they are being abused is clarified by David L Fontes, P, in his article “Men Don’t Tell”. He notes:
“Some abusive women not only victimise their spouses by abusing them verbally, emotionally, financially and or physically, but they also attempt to manipulate the criminal justice system in their favour and against their partner.
“When a man is a victim of his wife’s physical abuse he is both shamed by the assaults of his wife and shamed by society for not ‘controlling’ her better. For many men ‘taking it like a man’ means do not complain and do not show you are vulnerable or in pain.
“With the prospect of being viewed as ‘wimps’ and or having the assaults by their wives not believed or minimised by the general public and law enforcement, it is no wonder few men report their abuse or discuss it openly.”
Campaigners claim that men are often treated as “second-class victims” and almost invisible to authorities that they do not take them seriously when reporting their abuses and the plight is also largely overlooked by the media.
This is partly the result of primary aggressor laws, which encourage responsible authorities to discount who initiated and committed the abuse but instead look at other factors that make them likelier to arrest men.
It is apparent that our society has made positive strides over the years to bring needed attention to domestic abuse and to better protect women from their abusive partners.
Regrettably, based on what many abused men experience, society still has a long way to go to afford them similar protection of their safety and security and to eliminate the current gender bias in our system that “re-victimises” them all over again when they step into the legal arena.
To help bring this type of abuse out into the open counselling services for violent couples should establish services and help for male domestic violence victims.
Efforts should be made to ensure that male domestic violence victims will not lose their children in custody proceedings and facilities should be availed to cater for male victims who are forced to make do with male rights organisations which are underfunded with no high recognition.
Online Reporter