Online Reporter
Mbulelo Mpofu, Zimpapers Arts and Entertainment
REVERED arts administrator Saimon “Mambazo” Phiri did not just celebrate his belated 50th birthday on Saturday night; he willingly walked into a comedic firing squad.
The Bulawayo Theatre hosted the hilarious “Roast of Saimon”, a key event in Mambazo’s “50 Dates at the Theatre”, held in partnership with Umahlekisa Entertainment.
Forget cake and candles. Mambazo’s milestone demanded a different kind of heat. As Umahlekisa director Ntando Van Moyo, reigning as Roast Master, gleefully declared: “Tonight, we honour Mambazo by reminding him of every slightly embarrassing thing he’s ever done. It’s not about what he has done, but rather, what he hasn’t.”
The concept, familiar yet fresh in Zimbabwe, saw friends and colleagues mercilessly skewer the guest of honour — all in the name of love, laughter, and celebrating a larger-than-life personality.
The stage crackled with anticipation as the audience prepared for a night of sharp wit and unapologetic humour. The original roast panel promised serious firepower: Bulawayo Chiefs FC chief executive officer Thulani “Javas” Sibanda — Mambazo’s old Siyaya Arts travel companion known for his deep-cut nostalgia burns — alongside Zimpapers’ sharp-tongued journalist Bongani
“Inkunzi” Ndlovu as well as Scottland FC’s Sindiso “Sindora” Dube and rapper Asaph Afrika who both failed to turn up.
Their absence, however, did little to dull the comedic edge. Instead, it paved the way for some of Bulawayo’s finest comedic talent to step into the spotlight, with Zwe Hlabangana, the ever-observant General Lesley, and the king of self-deprecating humour, MaForty, delivering a riot of laughs and punchlines that kept the show’s momentum alive.
What followed was a masterclass in varied comedic artillery.
MaForty, a frequent target of the panellists’ jabs, cleverly disarmed their ridicule by turning the jokes on himself. He had the audience in stitches with self-deprecating humour about his distinctive features, particularly his eyes, quipping, “People say when you need to give me directions, give me those that are next to the place, otherwise I’ll get lost!”
Inkunzi lived up to his “Bull” moniker, delivering rapid-fire, potent one-liners that landed like precision strikes. He was truly a wildcard.
General Lesley offered wry, observational humour, dissecting MaForty and everyone’s quirks.
Then came Javas. If the others brought flamethrowers, he wielded a stiletto dipped in deadpan. His monotone delivery, stripped of expression, carried razor-sharp jabs laced with insider knowledge, the kind only decades of friendship could supply.
His tales of their Siyaya days hinted at chaos, questionable fashion, dietary and Mambazo’s legendary . . . let’s call it, “enthusiasm.”
“Remember that time where you mixed foods and actually looked like you were enjoying it?!” he quizzed.
Through it all, the roastee sat unfazed — a picture of amused resilience. True to his pre-show boasts, Mambazo was more than ready for every punchline thrown his way.
Clutching a notebook like a shield (or perhaps a grudge list), he scribbled furiously throughout the others’ sets.
“God knows what he’s scribbling there,” I wondered, eyeing the notepad with anticipation. At one point, breaking the tension, he even spontaneously led the packed theatre in a brief, rousing chorus, proving the showman never truly switches off.
But the masterstroke came when it was finally his turn. Notebook in hand and his arsenal fully loaded from the earlier jabs, Mambazo rose to the occasion, and in that moment, the prey became the hunter.
With the practised ease of the arts administrator who has seen (and funded) it all, he systematically dismantled each panellist.
He repaid MaForty’s jibes, dissected Inkunzi’s headlines, chuckled at Lesley’s observations, and met Javas’ deadpan with his own brand of withering, affectionate recall. No one was safe. Stray bullets even found the absent Sindora, Asaph Afrika, Albert Nyathi, Dr Gasolo, Sandra Ndebele-Sibindi and the front row flinched more than once.
The theatre, packed with Bulawayo’s arts and culture faithful, erupted in near-constant waves of laughter. It felt less like a roast and more like a joyful, communal ribbing, a testament to Mambazo’s stature and the deep affection that fuelled every barb.
The roast also shone a spotlight on the ongoing “50 Dates at the Theatre” series, which began on August 19 and runs through November 1. – @MbuleloMpofu
Bongani Ndlovu