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Laina Makuzha Love by Design
A good attitude can go a long way in the success of any relationship. It can turn things around and strengthen a bond between two people. On the other hand when someone has an attitude issue, in a romantic relationship, it makes physical and emotional connection with their partner difficult.
This can unfortunately lead to a loss of intimacy as well as cause untold contention in the relationship.
Buckle up, this one might hit home for some.
A bad attitude is just foul, no wonder some people aptly describe it as a “stinking” attitude. Acknowledging that you have an attitude problem can be likened to ripping a band-aid off a gaping wound, it really isn’t always the most pleasant thing to do, but it would pay in the long run.
How does a bad attitude affect a relationship?
Lets face it, noone would enjoy dating someone or being married to someone with a bad attitude, as that can be exhausting.
Your attitude may push people in your life away, while consequently preventing others from desiring to get close to you. Constant bickering, rudeness, or always taking offence where none was intended by your partner for instance, will no doubt make your partner feel unappreciated and unhappy.
It turns out — the most simply understood attitudes in psychology — are the feelings individuals have about themselves and the world. Prominent psychologist Gordon Allport described this latent psychological construct as “the most distinctive and indispensable concept in contemporary social psychology.” Attitudes can be formed from a person’s past and present.
So you find that some people are comfortable with being bad, nasty people because they have a way of making excuses for their bad attitude — every single time. Someone else caused them to behave that way, they might say. But think about it.
With a willing heart and a little effort, can one really fail to adjust a negative, pessimistic attitude?
You can tell yourself that there’s no excuse for a bad attitude, for one because here’s the thing: If you don’t stop making excuses for your bad attitude, it would be impossible to effect any permanent changes.
Healthy relationships involve the understanding that while you cannot control what happens to you, you can control how you react.
One of the many negative consequences of a bad attitude can be anger and stonewalling. This happens when one partner just shuts down the communication process in a relationship for self-protection. Stonewalling is one of four communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship or even divorce, which could possibly be avoidable, starting from a change of perspective.
There are effective ways to deal with stonewalling and anger in a relationship while taking care of yourself.
The term “stonewalling” itself stems from the construction industry, where it refers to building a wall of stone to keep out intruders. In relationships, “stonewalling” is known to be the emotional equivalent of putting up a wall.
One relationship researcher and therapist John Gottman, Ph.D., defines stonewalling in a discussion or argument as being when “the listener withdraws from the interaction, shutting down and closing themselves off from the speaker because they are feeling overwhelmed.
You’ve probably heard this statement before: “Attitude is everything”. While this may be arguable to some, there’s no denying that attitude plays a vital role in human relationships.
Whether we are talking of relationships between in a romantic relationship, between siblings, family members, platonic friends, attitude plays a major role in good communication and the success of such relationships.
So, if you’re in a relationship and you have a goal to enjoy it to the fullest, you really would benefit from learning how to improve your attitude.
In the best selling book “Attitude is Everything,” author Jeff Keller says your attitude can be regarded as your window to the world. Everyone starts with a clean mental window evidently.
“We all start out in life with a good attitude — or, should I say,a clean mental window. Just watch young children. They’re always laughing and giggling. They have a sunny disposition. They love to explore new things,” he says.
Referring to the attitude of a child who’s learning to walk, Keller says, “When he(child) stumbles and falls down, what does he do? I’ll tell you what he doesn’t do. He doesn’t frown or blame the carpet.
He doesn’t point fingers at his mother or father forgiving him lousy instructions. He doesn’t quit. Oh, no. He smiles, gets up again and makes another attempt. And another. He keeps going for weeks and weeks with a positive attitude until he gets it right! His window is squeaky clean, and he feels like he can conquer the world.”
In that scenario, the child does not decide to give up and think “well maybe this walking thing just isn’t for me” Yet,in adulthood, there comes a point where life starts throwing some dirt at our windows.
“And here’s what happens: Our windows get splattered by criticism from parents and teachers. Our windows get smudged by ridicule from peers. Our windows get smeared by rejection.
Our windows get soiled by disappointments. Our windows get clouded by doubt.
“The problem is, the dirt keeps building up, and all too many people do nothing about it. They continue to go through life and relationships, with a filthy window and not very pleasant to be around.
They lose their enthusiasm. They get frustrated, depressed and sometimes take it out on those around them,be it at home, work, college or various social groups. And most tragically, they give up on their dreams — all because they failed to clean their attitude window.”
If you are reading this and you, or someone you know can relate to any of this at all, and you see no possibilities and sometimes believe love and good things are not meant for you just know that is from the viewpoint of a clouded attitude. The trick is not to blame yourself or anyone, but to realise you can do better.
It is not surprising that you would have a negative outlook on relationships and fail to see yourself happy whether alone by choice,or while waiting to meet that special someone. How could you- with a window that is marred with the mud of negativity? Every potential relationship just seems wrong when seen through clouded eyes.
The good news however, is that changing your attitude is possible, and will help you relate better with others. That means in order to get in the dating arena with the right mindset and a beautiful open heart and find real lasting love, you might want to ‘wash your window’. Learning to improve your attitude will help you to see the world clearly again and find that special someone, or fix a relationship your bad attitude might have ruined.
Whatever you do, let love be the driving force. Love is after all the buzzword especially in this month of February. And indeed when I see all the bizarre things happening in the times we are living in, its apparent the world could sure use a generous dose of love from all of us.
My question to you dear reader, is: What are some of the ways in which we can change our attitudes and spread some love? And while we are at it, I would love to hear what you are planning with or for your loved ones in this season? I often express how I’m ever challenged by the kind of love that God has for each and everyone of His children — the greatest kind of love in my view. I like to refer to it often and try to grasp it – in 1Corinthians 13v4-8.
Your comments,insights and thoughts on this week’s topic or any others we have covered so far, are most welcome.
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