adminAnne Ruthenburg Marriage Doctor
Wow it has been a long/short year for many people in 2015. But we made it congratulations! But some lost loved one, friends, family, peers, workmates etc., and the pain may still be fresh.
But we still have to give thanks to the almighty for keeping us this far, and as long as you have breath, there is another chance for a new beginning, to make a better decision, to make things right and to start to live a positive and hopeful life. This week I decided to print something sent to me from one of the readers.
As promised last month we shall be doing this column together, we shall touch on singles, engaged, married, men and women, in a hope that we can make life better for all by giving relationship advice that hopefully will make a difference.
I will also be adding a touch of spirituality, alongside the physical, intellectual and emotional advice, because whether we like it or not, the universe is governed by a spiritual force whomever you believe it/he/she to be.
Take time to read this write-up it could change your relationship in a great new way if you choose to follow it.
MARRIAGE IS NOT A 50/50 PROPOSITION.
There is fallacy that has lead to many marriages ending up in divorce! Lets get something straight – marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. Each partner must fulfil his/her responsibilities 100%, whether the other does or not!
Vows, if seriously taken, can keep a marriage together, but vows will not build a happy home. A home which is both secure and happy must be built on a real understanding of what makes a marriage successful.
The slogan “marriage is a 50-50 proposition” is heard frequently. It sounds logical. However, the logic behind it can destroy many marriages. The basis of a 50-50 marriage is. “If you will do your part, I will do mine.” It leads to tragedy because there are times in every marriage when someone fails. In a 50-50 marriage, this causes the other partner to step back and refuse to do his 50%. Then the battle rages.
The 50-50 marriage is not God’s way. The husband and wife who start marriage on a 50-50 basis will always be checking to see if the partner is fulfilling his or her 50%. When one partner falls short, bitterness results in the other. The partner who feels cheated will withhold some of his 50% in an attempt to even the score. Things get worse. Even 90%-10% marriages will not work. The partner who is willing to give 90% will have a tendency to check to see if the partner is really fulfilling his or her 10%.
God’s way in marriage is 100%-100%. Each partner is expected to give his or her 100% even if the other partner fails completely. If only one partner in the marriage faithfully gives his 100%, the home cannot be destroyed. God uses right actions and attitudes of the faithful one to straighten out and restore the failing partner.
God’s instructions for the 100%-100% marriage are found in Ephesians 5:18-33. Both husband and wife have different instructions and responsibilities assigned to them.
Wife:
a) Submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Note that it does not add “if he does right and fulfils his responsibilities”.)
1. A wife should not nag, complain, lecture or teach her husband. She will win him to Christ by her behavior. 1 Peter 3:1. When a man fails to be what he should be in marriage, God deals with him. Too often, the man does not hear the Lord or feel the Lord’s pressure because he hears his wife too much and feels her pressure too much.
Husband:
a) Head of the home. This does not mean that the wife is inferior, as seen from 1 Corinthians 11:3, “The head of Christ is God”. Being under authority is not a position of inferiority. Jesus is God and is equal with the Father in all ways, yet in coming to earth as a man and dying for us, He submitted Himself to His father in all things.
(Note: in submitting to His Father, He did not become inferior. He did all things because His Father wanted it, and He loved His father. Submission is not a mark of inferiority.)
b) Love your wife enough to die for her. God, after telling wives to submit, severely limits the man’s right to do anything that he pleases. God takes away man’s right to use his authority irresponsible by telling him, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Christ loves us as in Romans 5:8: “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
Seeing Christ’s love transform our hearts and brings us to love Him, so too a husband’s patient, long-suffering love will finally win the wife’s heart and change her behavior. Christ does not cleanse and perfect us by beating on us. He uses His Word. God has no 50/50 marriage arrangements. Each partner is called upon to fulfill his/her own 100%, even if the other does nothing. God is not calling us to a life-long martyrdom, but will use these qualities to change the partner.
Thank you to the reader that sent this to us. I truly hope that couples out there will read this, meditate on it and put it into practice. In 2016 we will break down relationships to core of its being to help restore marriages to the way they should be. The family structure has broken down so badly in this century, that many young peoples view of marriage is warped and unsustainable and selfish.
As we end this year, take time to reflect on whether our family unit is secure, united, joyful, structured, loving, supportive, encouraging, spiritually uplifting etc…or is each person doing their own thing. If you are in a relationship acting and behaving like you are single – STOP! You cannot go into 2016 this way, it is unsustainable. Marriage is not 50/50, it is 100/100 each way. In 2016 let us try and get it right folks. Life is hard enough without us adding more stress on to each other, just because we are selfish.
This is my last 2015 message, see you in 2016 folks. God Bless.
HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!
Wedding Doctor can be messaged/watsapped on 0772 933 845 or email: [email protected].
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