dyton mupawaenda
Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
First things first, Happy International Women’s Day to all women: mothers, sisters, friends and daughters. My prayer for you is found in 3 John 2: “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.” —NKJV
As we delve into this week’s topic, you have probably heard it said: “You are the company you keep”? — I know I have. But when it comes to romantic relationships, this phrase takes on a whole new level of significance!
Call it a wrong partner, a mismatch, incompatibility, poor choice . . . the bottom line, in my view, is there is something that goes terribly wrong with one’s life when they choose to marry a certain type of person whom they probably should not have been with.
The reason why this interests me so much is that the partner you choose can make or break your life, influencing everything from the children you will have, your self confidence, your faith to your finances, family, friendships, fitness, and overall outlook on life.
This week, especially coinciding with International Women’s Day, I was inspired all the more, to explore the complexities of this issue, when I came across a video shared by Coach Steady on social media, where a woman spoke about it with much conviction and from some kind of experience she had.
What caught my eye was the caption which said: “How you pick your life partner is a matter of life and death” and I thought to myself, hmmm . . . few people realise this in the sweet moments of romance, especially in the early days of a relationship and the “honeymoon” euphoria. I have seen cases of people whose destinies were derailed, lives lost or maimed — through having chosen to “do life” with the wrong partner.
Back to my story — so the woman in the video says with gusto, her passion evident with every word: “The person you choose as your life partner will affect your faith, family, finances, fitness, joy, outlook, spirituality and even your path. I did not realise that when I was younger but someone said the most important decision you make in life is your life partner . . .”
What is your view though, dear reader?
Renowned relationship expert, Dr John Gottman, states, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” This is not an exaggeration. Your partner can either be your rock, supporting and encouraging you, or your stumbling block, causing stress and anxiety, sabotaging you and competing with you.
Faith and spirituality
For people of faith, choosing a partner who shares your values and spiritual beliefs has been known to be helpful and crucial. The Bible advises: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Some will say a partner who does not share your faith can lead to conflicts, but of course, experiences differ.
Some have been known to find common ground in their faith, way into the relationship or marriage, as some partners take longer to commit their lives to the faith or religion of a spouse.
Finances and security
Your partner’s financial habits and values can significantly impact your economic stability. Couples who disagree on financial matters are more likely to face recurring and unhealthy conflict in their union, sometimes leading to total breakdown of the marriage.
If you can help it, please choose a partner who shares your financial goals and values.
Family and friendships
The partner you choose can also affect your relationships with family and friends. Some have been known to be forced into some kind of isolation from friends and family, to live a lonely, troubled life.
If your partner is not supportive of a relationship with your loved ones, it can lead to strained relationships and a sense of isolation. The Bible teaches, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17). Choose a partner who values and supports your relationships.
Fitness and health
Your partner’s lifestyle habits can also impact your physical and mental health. Couples who exercise together tend to bond even more and testify of having higher relationship satisfaction. It would be a lovely bonus to choose a partner who shares your passion for health and wellness.
Outlook on life
Finally, your partner’s outlook on life can significantly influence your own. A positive and supportive partner can help you navigate life’s challenges with confidence and hope. A partner with pessimistic tendencies will pull you down with them. Its important to address the pessimism and find a way to be on the same positive page. The Bible encourages, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labour: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Choose a partner who shares your optimism and enthusiasm for life if you can.
Word of encouragement
If you are already in a relationship or married, and feeling like you have made the wrong choice, take heart. It is never too late to seek the kind of help that works for the two of you, eg professional counselling, prayer retreat among others. Work on communication, and strive for positive change, together you can turn things around.
Remember, relationships are a journey, and growth is possible.
Just to give an idea of some of the views on the topic, I picked a few comments from over 300 comments from the lady in the video I mentioned. Many agreed with her, while some had different insights to share on how the choice of a life partner affects one’s life:
“Amen! I found that out the hard way. But it’s never too late to begin again! In case you stand at a crossroad in your life. Hurt, disappointed, and you have no peace inside. Perhaps some decisions you made did not work for your good and deep in your heart you feel you have made a mess. Don’t give up, don’t throw in the towel just look to the Lord, He will show how.
What is best for you God knows. He’ll lead, guide and direct and He’ll show you what’s best for you! You can always begin again!!! Just STAND!!! Amen” — Paulette Cypress.
“Will affect everything. My dear sister you said it all” — Masegafane Nthabisend Bapela
“This is so true! May God help those who are yet to make that decision” — Flora Arati
“Weeeh,, ?? When you’re younger you wouldn’t know how deep this is. Young people, love, is not enough” — Else Steve
“Very true….. It’s happening to me now after 30 years in marriage” — Mariam Emily
“You are right, choice may affect all these but can’t determine it” — Eniola Emmanuel
“True, a bad life partner will send one to an early grave plus your whole generation, they don’t care! Wish I met a mentor 30 or so years before the biggest mistake happened sadness” — Sheila Mutunga
“Unfortunately many people are still playing like babies when it comes to being serious with destiny’s decisions.
The future will always reveal your seriousness in the present.” — Djoannes Elohims Museba
“Before deciding whether you have a good or a bad partner, I think it is important to also ask yourself if you are a good partner. Maybe you might find out that you’ve been the bad person all along. We need to have love in our hearts to attract love. I have learnt to stop condemning or judging others to justify my feelings and emotions”. — Chijioke Eke
“No one can pick a good life partner! We can only work on being good life partners ourselves!” — Sifiso E Buthelezi
“More than anything it will affect the kids you’ll have from them”. — Fre Selam
“I am a Kenyan and I never watch the news because a big possibility is that each day there will be some sort of bad scene about two people who once loved each other. The other day I was thinking the most dangerous thing we can do in the current times is to choose the wrong person to love. As a Christian, the Bible tells us that the human heart is wicked. If there is a time we need God to help us in choosing life partners IS NOW.” — Lucy Blessed
“I think the best decision in life is to not seek our happiness in anyone but in God and self. I would rather people prioritise character and compatibility rather than religion and deceitful outward appearances while deciding on who to marry. The major problems in marriages are linked to character. Know the person very well”. — Favoured Aduke
Conclusion
Choosing the right life partner is a vital decision that can impact every area of your life. By considering the importance of shared values, financial compatibility, lifestyle and habits, support for family and friends, and a positive outlook on life, you can make an informed decision that will set you up for success. Remember, your partner can be your greatest blessing or your most significant challenge.
Share your thoughts
We would love to hear from you! Share your experiences, insights, and advice on choosing the right life partner. What qualities do you think are essential in a partner? How has your partner impacted your life? Let’s exchange insights and experiences to inspire improvement and strengthen our relationships.
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