adminPastors Gwen & Davison Kanokanga
UNFORGIVENESS can result in divorce. Divorce is the end result of unresolved or improperly handled marital misunderstandings.
It is not something forced or imposed on a couple, much as they may be influenced or pushed by attorneys, friends or relatives.
Both Christian and non-Christians are getting divorced at an alarming rate. What a tragedy! Unless you take steps to make your marriage work, your marriage can easily become a divorce statistic.
You must work for the betterment, preservation, sustenance and continuity of your marriage; bearing in mind that your marriage is the most important relationship that a married person has.
In Zimbabwe, before a court can grant a decree of divorce, it must be satisfied that the marriage has irretrievably broken down to such an extent as to be incompatible with the continuation of the relationship.
Some of the circumstances and facts courts take into account when determining whether or not a marriage has irretrievably broken down are contained in Section 5 of the Matrimonial Causes Act (Chapter 5:13).
They are:
(a) The parties have not lived together as husband and wife for a continuous period of at least 12 months immediately before the date of commencement of the divorce action; or
(b) The defendant (i.e. the spouse against whom the divorce proceedings are instituted) has committed adultery which the plaintiff (i.e. the person instituting the divorce proceedings) regards as incompatible with the continuation of a normal marriage relationship; or
(c) The defendant has been sentenced by a competent court to imprisonment for a period of at least 15 years or has, in terms of the law relating to criminal procedure, been declared to be a habitual criminal or has been sentenced to extended imprisonment and has, in accordance with such declaration or sentence, been detained in prison for a continuous period of, or for interrupted periods which in the aggregate amount to, at least five years, within the ten years immediately before the date of commencement of the divorce action; or
(d) The defendant has, during the subsistence of the marriage:
(i) treated the plaintiff with such cruelty, mental or otherwise; or
(ii) habitually subjected himself or herself, as the case may be, to the influence of intoxicating liquor or drugs to such an extent as is incompatible with the continuation of a normal marriage relationship.
In addition to the above legal grounds, people divorce for all sorts of reasons which include, but are not limited to:
1. Unmet needs
2. Childlessness. This in the African culture can be a big issue as children are considered to be extremely important. In some cases people divorce not because they are childless but because there will be no male child to carry the family name
3. Dissatisfaction with one’s spouse which leads to the thought that the marriage was a mistake
4. Sexual frustration
5. Unacceptable interference by in-laws
6. Unresolved misunderstandings relating to finances, communication, faithfulness, headship, submission
7. Negative influence or unscriptural counsel from attorneys, pastors, friends or relatives
8. Loss of hope in the marriage
9. Domestic violence.
Regardless of cause, God hates divorce! These are the reasons why God hates divorce.
(a) Marriage is not any man’s idea. It is God’s idea. It is God himself who ordained marriage in the Garden of Eden by joining Adam and Eve as husband and wife. Matthew 19:6 says “… therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate”.
When divorce takes place the parties get torn apart. It violates God’s law as it involves the putting asunder of what God will have joined together.
(b) It is an expression of loss of hope in God and in the marriage. When people divorce, they will have lost hope that their marriage can work and that God can heal or even resurrect their marriage.
(c) Whether it is a friendly or bitter separation, divorce is traumatic for everyone associated with the marriage. It causes untold pain and suffering to spouses, children, friends and relatives.
(d) Divorce is a result of hardened hearts. Divorce occurs because one or both spouses will have kept a record of the wrongs of their mate and either failed or refused to exercise forgiveness.
(e) There are some lessons which people can best learn within the marriage institution for example headship, submission and sacrificial love. By divorcing, people rebel against God’s school of learning. To that extent, divorce exemplifies rebellion.
(f) From God’s point of view, marriage is a covenant. It is a commitment unto death. Divorce violates the covenant nature of marriage.
(g) Marriage is an Earthly picture of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church. In this relationship, the Lord Jesus Christ never leaves nor forsakes His Church. Divorce distorts this relationship.
(h) When married people have a conflict and fail to reconcile their differences, they may end up divorcing. Divorce is a result of a failure to exercise the ministry of reconciliation God has given us.
(i) Divorce is destructive and not constructive.
Davison & Gwendoline Kanokanga are the founders and trustees of The Marriage Centre. They are also the founders and senior pastors of Impact Christian Centre
Bongani Ndlovu
Online Reporter