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BEFORE you continue reading, stop for a moment and remember the first few weeks after meeting your partner.
Try to visualise when you were deeply in love and could not spend a day without seeing each other.
Remember how it felt falling in love, how happily distracted you were, how you couldn’t wait to see her — how everything he said was interesting and funny.
Remember how you felt the two of you were special? Meant for each other! Destined to be together!
And now . . . not so much.
Now you have been together for a while, maybe years, and the bloom is off the rose.
What was once endearing or funny now gets under your skin like a bad rash. The differences you found so appealing now divide you like a sword.
It’s time to rekindle your relationship.
Frustration, resentments, hurt feelings and unmet needs are always simmering just below the surface. One wrong word, one sideways glance and one exasperated sigh is all it will take to cause the lid to blow.
And it has blown so many times. Too many times to count.
Stop reading for a moment and remember the first few weeks with your spouse or partner.
Bickering is a daily sport and full-blown fights dot the landscape of your marriage like bleeding soldiers on a battlefield. Whether your particular fighting style is a head-spinning screaming match or a silent treatment freeze-out, both of you are exhausted, hurt, and so tired of living this way.
How did it come to this? What happened to the joy, the fun, the great sex, the intimate talks? Where are those two people who fell head over heels in love?
If you spend more time in your love life fighting or feeling angry, hurt, or resentful than you do enjoying the connection, then it’s past time to take action. You must do something about it right now if you want to save the relationship.
Before you start working on the relationship be very honest with yourself. Honest answers to the following questions will determine whether your marriage will work or not.
Do you really want this marriage to work? Are you invested in it enough such that you are willing to make some changes?
Remember, the honeymoon may be over but that mean the end of the romance.
Go on, break out of your relationship rut, reconnect with your partner, and fire up the passion that brought you together in the first place.
Remember those fabulous qualities you noticed in your partner when you started dating? Time and stress may have brought their less-favourable traits into focus but their good qualities are probably still there.
Fixating on the negatives couldn’t have worked in the beginning and it will not work now. In marriage, it’s easy to freeze your partner into a fixed perception. Get out of that.
Make a list of what you fell in love with and another list of the good things that you have discovered over time. Refrain from making your partner the brunt of a joke, but rather publicly brag about their amazing qualities. Embrace their positive qualities and let them know you fully got their back.
It’s amazing what getting out of your normal routine and pushing your comfort boundaries will do for your love life. One study found that couples who did novel and arousing things together felt better about their relationships than those who stuck with routine, mundane activities. The trick is to pick something fun and exciting, not just pleasant.
So many couples hold back kissing, touching, or holding each other until they have time or the desire to have sex. But that’s a mistake. Researchers have found that affectionate touches boost the body’s feel-good hormones. Hug your partner, hold hands and be playful with touch.
Whisper sweet and adoring things into your partner’s ear. Brush against him in a sexually seductive way. Affection is a way to make love all day outside of the bedroom.
Do you spend a lot of time trying to read your partner’s mind? Limit the guess-work by being open and honest, it can bring you closer. Ask your partner what he or she needs from you. Take turns. The goal is to show more and see more of each other, rather than defend the status quo. The rewards run deep. Great conversation often leads to more open, loving sex.
Every discussion doesn’t have to be serious. Light-hearted laughter goes a long way in lifting your spirits and reconnecting. Have fun. Crack a joke. Revel in the humour of a situation together. There is nothing sexier than a smile and a happy partner.
What fuels your passion? Maybe it’s having an exciting career or training for a half marathon. No matter what, just get out and do it. When you love yourself and your life, you bring more energy and interest into your relationship.
Independence and a sense of purpose are sexy. When you take care of your own needs and pursue what you are passionate about, you become less predictable and more interesting to your partner. It is a win-win situation. You will be more confident and peaceful as you keep evolving, and your relationship will thrive.
Remember those things you did when you were romancing your new love? Make a list and do them again now. Identify your relationship’s strengths, then build on them. Know what works well in your relationship and do more of it.
Finally, dream big. Envision a future together that inspires you. Maybe it’s a home bustling with a big family or vacations to new, exotic places. Whatever your dream, you can create a plan now to start making it happen.
Rekindle the spark in your marriage and enjoy it.
Apostle Kanyati is the President and Founder of Zoe Life Changing Ministries and Grace Unlimited interdenominational. Send feedback to [email protected] or Whatsapp: 0772 987 844.
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