adminLAST week we spoke about factors that take away marital joy. We highlighted perfectionism, ignorance and annoying habits as some of the factors. Read on as we continue to tackle these thieves of marital joy.
Pastors Gwen & Davison Kanokanga
A PAINFUL PAST
You see, ignorance deceives you into thinking that you are okay when you are not. You can only say that there is no room for improvement in your marriage when it attains perfection. No marriage on this side of heaven has ever attained perfection. In fact, none will.
Ignorance is not an asset. It is a serious liability. You have no reason to keep it. You must declare war on it. Get rid of it. It is stealing your joy. It is stopping you from having new and pleasurable experiences in your marriage. Refuse to remain in ignorance. Like knowledge, ignorance is a choice. You must choose to move from ignorance to knowledge. Do not delay this transition.
Competition
When God made Eve for Adam, he did not make a competitor for him. What he made was a helper who was suitable for Adam. He made someone who had the ability to complement him. Competition was out of the question. Adam and Eve were not to compete with each other.
Likewise, you are not to compete with your spouse. You see, where there is competition, there must be a winner and a loser. If you view your marriage as a competition you will treat your spouse as a challenger, a contender or a rival. How are contenders or rivals treated?
They must either be defeated or eliminated. This then becomes your attitude towards your spouse if you view him or her as your competitor. You will never enjoy your marriage for as long as you are competing with your spouse. In some cases, the competition is not between a couple but between one couple or other couples. If you are involved in this kind of competition that will force you to live beyond your means.
If you are competing with the Jones you may find yourself in serious debt as you try to either match or better them. Stop competing with the Jones. You have no idea as to how they are able to do what they do. The Jones are not your pacesetters. They are not your standard, God is. The word of God and not the Jones must be your standard.
Busy schedules
If you do not know how to live a balanced life, you can be so busy with your work, your Ministry, your studies, your career, your business and so forth to such an extent that you have no time for yourself, let alone your spouse. While there is nothing wrong with working hard, there is everything wrong with being so busy that you have no recreational time. It is wrong for you to be so busy that you have no time to enjoy the fruits of your labour. You must have time to rest. Jesus encouraged his disciples to rest in Mark 6:31-32:
“And he said to them, “Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” For there were many coming and going and they did not even have time to eat. So they departed to a deserted place in the boat by themselves.”
You cannot enjoy your marriage if you are always busy. There are some people who believe in reserving the best for the last. Their thinking is that they must continue working hard and suspend all enjoyment until they are in their old age, then they can start enjoying life. This kind of thinking is wrapped. Ecclesiastes 9:9 simply says, “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love . . . ”
It does not say, “Enjoy life with your wife when you have money or when you have a house or a car.” NO. it does not say that. You must enjoy life with your spouse at whatever stage you may be in your marriage. With or without children, with or without a house, you must enjoy your marriage.
The Devil
Apart from being the accuser of the brethren and the father of lies, the devil is a thief. He cometh but to steal, kill and destroy; that is his three-fold ministry. Every married person must be sober and vigilant because the devil who is our adversary walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.
At times, his destruction is not sudden but gradual. He can destroy your marriage slowly but surely. You may ask how he does this. Well, one thing he can do is to steal your joy. In some cases, you may not quickly realise that he is the one behind the strife, tension and disharmony in your marriage. If he gains entry into your life, the devil can cause you and your spouse to live sinful lives.
The Bible says: “He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning.” – John 3:8.
A marriage characterised by sinful living patterns will never know joy. The devil can blind you to the good things that your spouse does such that all that you see in your spouse are weaknesses, faults and shortcomings. Consequently, you are full of complaints. You are angry, disappointed and frustrated with your spouse, why? The devil has blinded your mind, you do not appreciate your spouse anymore.
Another tool the devil uses is deception. In 1 Timothy 2:13-14, the Bible (New Living Translation) says, “For God made Adam first and afterward he made Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived by Satan. The woman was deceived and sin was the result.”
The devil can deceive you into believing that you married the wrong person. He can deceive you into thinking that you should have married X or Y. He can make you believe that a one night stand committed with a stranger far away from home is harmless. Do not be deceived.
The Bible also records that Satan struck Job with painful boils from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. How can you possibly enjoy life when you or your spouse, children and or possessions are under satanic attack? You cannot.
While the devil can steal your joy, the good news is that if you are a Christian, you are neither helpless nor powerless. You are precious to God. His Love for you is not only unconditional but steadfast and eternal.
If you are not in Christ, you are vulnerable to the devil. Your marriage is equally vulnerable because you have no power over the evil one. You are not covered by the precious blood of Jesus. Your best bet is to take cover in God by being born again and inviting God into your marriage.
Pastors Davison & Gwendoline Kanokanga are founders and trustees of The Marriage Centre. They are also senior pastors of Impact Christian Centre
Tinaye Agere
Online Reporter