Chronicle Editor
Andile Tshuma
OF entanglements and side affairs, and open relationships; love can be very, very complicated.
A side note — those currently entangled in some complicated love arrangements with more than one partner you must be very brave, but I would think to some extent quite selfish too.
I would understand for those already in a polygamous setup, preferably all staying at the same residence.
But those rolling from one suburb to the next to see partner A and partner B, how are you protecting yourself and your partners from the Covid-19 pandemic?
Bulawayo has been hard hit with Covid-19 deaths at 10, as of yesterday, and cases at 419. But you will see some entanglement experts still juggling the complicated relationships as though life is normal.
These are challenging times. People must disentangle themselves from complicated partnerships, lest they be entangled in some ugly scenes with the virus.
In love and relationships, entanglement is the word of the moment, thanks to Jada-Pinkett Smith and the Will and August open relationship fiasco.
Well, for those who may have not been following, Jada had an affair with an artiste, August, while married to long-time hubby Will Smith.
It goes without saying that Will and Jada Pinkett Smith are one of the most famous power couples in Hollywood and, over the past few weeks, their marriage has been a major point of focus.
This all began when singer August Alsina claimed he and Pinkett Smith, with Will Smith’s permission, engaged in a romantic relationship while she and her husband were going through a rough period in their marriage.
The Smiths, who got married in 1997, then came out on TV talking about the situation, both so calm as though they were discussing the weather.
Some people have expressed their views on the arrangement, with some men saying that Will is being abused and that no man must ever put up with a cheating wife.
I find it absurd because society is always telling women that in marriage, a wife must be strong and persevere. Kuthwa emendweni kuyabekezelwa. A real wife must deal with the pressures of marriage head on, including infidelity, and must not throw in the towel and walk away.
Why are we not giving Will this advice? Emendweni kuyabekezelwa. He too, as an equal partner in the marriage, must be strong and persevere in the marriage.
While some wives have been prepared to forgive their straying husbands, experts say that men are far less likely to do the same.
Feminism may have given women the inclination and the power to be as unfaithful as their husbands, but male attitudes to their wives haven’t yet caught up.
For a betrayed woman, an affair is an offence against her dignity. For a betrayed man, it’s an offence against his manhood. It goes right to the core of his identity.
As men are more likely to be unfaithful in the first place, this suggests that men are less able to forgive an affair and more likely to see it as the end of their marriage.
Men are generally more likely than women to be able to compartmentalise sex and intimate connections. For many men, sex is sex, and relationships are relationships, and the two do not necessarily overlap.
Thus, a man who casually cheats may do so without feeling a significant degree of emotional connection to a mistress, while a woman who cheats could see things differently, with sex and emotional connection intermingled in ways that make compartmentalisation more difficult.
But why does society frown more on the cheating wife?
Men have been promiscuous for centuries and it has sort of been ingrained in us that it’s an acceptable form of behaviour. Issues can be ironed out, the wife must understand, and life goes on.
But all hell breaks loose when a woman cheats, why?
It’s high time men sit on the other side of the table and be dealt the same set of cards. They should also remain strong, pray for the marriage and forgive a cheating wife. That’s what love is all about.
A strong man forgives a cheating wife just like a cheating wife forgives a cheating husband. It’s so simple, I wonder where men are missing it.
Fairly speaking, cheating in a relationship hurts whoever is cheated on, and this societal norm that certain genders can be easily forgiven when they cheat is wrong, and that when some genders cheat, it is treated as an abomination.
The playing field must be levelled. If cheating is wrong, it’s wrong, let it be wrong and unacceptable for both men and women.
If it’s okay, or can be discussed, then the cheating rules should apply equally to both parties in a relationship.
Men must just also learn to bear the brunt of marriage, even when a woman cheats. — @andile_tshuma
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