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Laina Makuzha LOVE by DESIGN
The desire to find a partner is felt by many single men and women alike and it is perfectly normal. Love is a beautiful gift and in the quest for love however, we often stumble upon various obstacles and make mistakes that hinder genuine connections. While there are no hard and fast rules or methods there are some guidelines that will bring successful results.
While the guidelines may not be for everyone, there’s benefit in learning as much as we can and preparing well for the desired result.
This week we will explore a few common mistakes single ladies sometimes make when dating — with a Christian perspective in mind. So, grab your favourite healthy beverage, sit back, and let’s delve into this captivating exploration of love, faith in action, and self-improvement!
Rushing in:
Some sisters tend to be in such a hurry, going ahead of themselves before a real relationship has even taken off. I’ve heard some testify how on the very first date, they start planning the wedding in their head already and mind you, this is not by faith or anything, they just see a husband in any potential relationship. Those who are prone to this tendency, cite various reasons including internal and external pressure to be married.
Social conventions or family pressure in some cases would have probably made one feel left out, and some begin to orchestrate their own marriage, trying to manipulate situations, creating a “suitable” partner in their own head sometimes before the perceived partner has even shown interest or without due diligence, without following wisdom or biblical guidelines.
In this case, calm down a notch and take the time to genuinely involve God. This can help one in finding lasting love, with someone, arguably of your faith, with a teachable spirit, sound emotional intelligence,with a vision and compatible in ideology to say the least.
The overactive analyst:
So ladies, you may find that the approaches all work hand in hand somewhat, they intertwine — for instance, the flip side of that first mistake mentioned above is this: it’s time to put away the magnifying glass and stop over-analysing every gesture or word from potential suitors. Some packages may not come wrapped as per our expectations. He may not have the eloquence you prefer in speech, or have likeable teeth, maybe his shoes aren’t the designer type you like, or his belt has seen better days — these were real concerns I’ve heard some mention.
So he may not know how to dress with sophistication yet, or have your ideal ravishing “Mr World” type of looks, or maybe not in your favourite profession. The question however, is: can you see the true man beyond these aspects? Can you see the character beneath it all? Of course this is not to say look the other way when you can see something wrong or just accept every “riff-raff”.
We already discussed that it’s essential to assess compatibility. However, constantly second-guessing everything that someone says or wears etc, can also lead to missed opportunities for true love that has a promise to grow.
Remember, God’s plan often works in ways that are so different from our ways. Rather ask Him in prayer to show you what the deal is. And this doesn’t mean you will see a vision of who your partner is, no, not everyone has such an experience, though some might — but there’s a divine connection, there are signs and confirmation you will get.
Due to space constraints I may not be able to share examples and testimonies from ladies who faithfully sought God’s counsel, and followed it to the “T”, they are many! It’s crucial to allow room for spontaneity and genuine connections to flourish, where you surrender, let go, and let God guide you.
Unrealistic expectations in all areas
In a world obsessed with perfection, single ladies often fall prey to unrealistic expectations about their potential partners. What does he earn, what is his net worth, what does he drive, the list is endless. While it’s essential to have standards, seeking an unattainable ideal may lead to disappointment and discouragement. Instead, consider embracing humility, understanding, and focusing on the true essence of an individual. After all, a loving heart can often recognise beauty where others may not.
Perpetually being the damsel in distress:
While Hollywood might promote the romantic notion of being rescued by a knight in shining armour, it is vital for single ladies to take ownership of their lives and cultivate their spiritual, financial and emotional independence, otherwise munhu anozonetawo, always rescuing you.
Remember, being complete and content in our relationship with God, before a romantic relationship, allows us to bring a healthy level of confidence, strength, and self-assurance into our partnerships. Bringing something to the table by way of some kind of income generation, efforts thereof, or just showing oneself to be a person with a vision, can also go a long way in balancing the relationship and its future prospects. Your potential partner must also see ka, that you are a lady with focus, you are going somewhere or working towards it.
Self proclaimed serial “fixer”:
Another common mistake to watch out for, dear ladies, is falling into the trap of trying to fix or change a potential partner or being in the habit of trying to mould a potential partner into your “ideal”.
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While lovingly encouraging growth and improvement is great, it is important to recognise that true change comes from within an individual, guided by the Holy Spirit. Embrace acceptance, understanding, and support, rather than trying to force someone into a predetermined mould as this will only repel them, or worse still result in someone who pretends to be what you want, when in truth they are not. This can spell disaster down the line, if that relationship graduates to marriage.
Ignoring red flags:
In the beautiful journey of love, some ladies turn a blind eye to red flags, consciously or subconsciously hoping they will disappear or change with time. However, this can lead to heartache and wasted effort. Instead, trust your intuition and listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit about it, and recognise that sometimes, walking away is the most courageous and loving action you can take.
Despite the challenges of navigating the world of dating, armed with faith, self-awareness, single ladies can approach their romantic journey with confidence and grace; and cultivate meaningful connections based on mutual understanding, trust, and a shared spiritual foundation. Remember, it’s not about seeking perfection but embracing the beauty of imperfect humans, just as God loves us unconditionally. So, single ladies, rejoice! Embrace your worth, enjoy the journey, and trust that God’s perfect plan for love will unfold in His time.
We just scaled the surface, but can keep the conversation going.
What are the other mistakes we make or see others make?
Get in touch with your views, experience and tips. We can learn from one another. Vamwe vari kuzvigona wani, vari kuzvigona sei?
Feedback: WhatsaApp: +263719102572/
Email: [email protected]
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