Mixed signals my foot . . .

Mixed signals

 Nhlalwenhle Ncube

NO matter how long your relationship has lasted, mixed signals are both confusing and frustrating. One day your partner declares his lasting love, while the next day he is distant and hard to reach. Besides being hurt, you find someone comforting herself with a lie saying it’s mixed signals. Mixed signals my foot, it’s either you are loved or not.

To me, mixed signals simply sound like a whole lot of wasted time and effort which does not exist and only believed by someone failing to see the bigger picture!

Truth be told, the so-called mixed signals mean disaster for any relationship. At times some people seem to enjoy being in pain. The minute you start entertaining mixed signals then you are waiting for a bombshell. It is just as good as waiting for a response from a potential girlfriend who said she needs time to think of your proposal, whether to accept it or not. Most times, if you get that response, you know that she does not love you.

If you are in a relationship, be brave enough to accept that he does not want you anymore in his life. This applies to both men and women. There is no such thing as mixed signals, but if you look closer, you will realise on which side someone falls and it can just become confusing as one acts up just to get what he wants, not that there is love.

If you are a man and the woman only phones you when she needs some favours namely transport, airtime and some company for a night out while chopping your money, but most of the time you are just as good as dead to her, never say its mixed signals. If you in such a situation, you are being used, wake up man!

Unfortunately, women are the ones who like singing about this mixed signal issue confusing themselves. When someone is really interested in you, you will know. It will be clear. There will not be mixed signals. When this happens, it will feel effortless, natural and easy.

This point sort of speaks for itself. A person might pretend to be interested in you or even pretend to care about you because he or she might have some sort of ulterior motive. If someone is playing you, they can create a false sense of intimacy. Eventually, their true colours will show and it will be around that time when you start complaining about mixed signals.

Most of the time, you can spot these types a mile away; always listen to your instincts because you should be able to tell if someone is genuine or not. Again, consider the actions if you need proof, one way or another. Actions speaker louder than words! If someone’s words (or text messages) lead you to believe that he or she is into you, but the actions prove otherwise, listen to the actions.

Do not let yourself get confused because of what they say to you, but you get confused by their actions which will be total opposite of what comes from their mouths. Some heartbreaks can be avoidable, but the problem people have is always leaving issues to pile up and be taken for granted when they should have seen it coming.

The other thing, never entertain lies. When people are ambivalent about a relationship, they are sometimes highly guarded about what they reveal. If your partner is not forthcoming about her feelings and thoughts about the relationship, you must sense a problem. Such things can make one feel pushed away or unimportant. This can be misinterpreted as mixed signal, but it is obvious you are not loved. Be honest to yourself and be hurt once instead of letting it brew up for long. If he once loved you, it does not mean it will forever be the case, accept that things have changed and move on.

If your partner sends the so called mixed signals, your first move is deciding how long you will put up with the ambivalence, set up the boundaries.

Waiting a few weeks for someone to warm up is reasonable, while holding out for months or years is unhealthy. Decide what you need and let there be honest communication or a projected timeline for becoming more serious, clearly spelling it out. Be direct but gentle and then back off if he is not clear on where he stands. Move away from people who are confused!

Be alert of red flags in relationships which most people claim to be mixed feelings, yet they hurt you at the end. If you love and care for someone, there is no way you can be on the other side as well. Get real and see it coming. You would rather face the hurt than be tortured for years by your partner who keeps sending mixed signals. If someone wants you in their life, they will create room and you do not have to fight for a spot!

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