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BEING a fan of reality shows, I realised that the “mjolo” pandemic will never end because people are so carried away with sex and think it’s the true expression of love.
The so-called relationships do not last because sex and love got a fragile agreement. The “mjolo” pandemic might slow down when people accept that engaging in the sexual intercourse craze does not necessarily mean LOVE.
To make it worse, nowadays people are no time wasters, they meet and claim to be feeling each other and hit it once. The accusation statement will be like, “You do not love me, if you don’t want to have sex and there must be someone else.” To prove that love, one gives in only to be disappointed later.
Sex can be an expression of love and love can emerge from sex, but they are two completely different experiences. Love and sex are so overwhelmingly joyous and powerful that most people want them to be eternally linked, but they are most certainly not.
These labels and definitions are all wrong and actually brainwashing and gaslighting people to believe a delusion and falsehood about love. Most believe love and sex are two sides of the same coin, that sex is an expression of love.
They are 100 percent wrong. Love and sex are not the same thing. Of course, they can coexist but not for long. In its early stage, you perceive love as a game or a challenge. If all the components are there, attraction, compatibility, excitement and good sex, you think you have won the love game and desperately believe in the fairy-tale of forever together.
Then boom, one is all over social media changing Facebook or Instagram from “single” to “in a relationship”. That steamy sex makes you feel like you just won the lottery and gives you the sense you locked it in forever. Initially love and sex are confused as the same thing.
When you are sexually attracted to someone and want to have sex with them, you twist your psyche to define it as a love process because one thinks it will make it last longer and have more meaning than simply a down and dirty romp. When in that initial explosive love stage, you want it to last so badly and often trust your intelligent, rational brain to keep it going.
The bad thing is that fresh love feels so good that you will do anything to keep it alive. But no matter how hard you try, love evolves and changes! Love and sex begin like Siamese twins who cannot survive without each other but end up getting surgically separated.
During the early stages of “love,” you fantasise about the person who is electrifying your life so powerfully even though you do not know them well enough to care beyond the physical attraction. As you begin to share thoughts, ideas and accept each other’s humanity, talking dirty in bed becomes more of a comedy than a turn-on.
And, like anything in life, something that is originally new, fresh, and breathtaking becomes old and familiar. Love and sex ultimately part ways! In trying to avoid being part of the pandemic statistics, know exactly what love looks like.
Love is a devotion to someone despite everything and it invites sex in but doesn’t need it to exist. Love doesn’t need Viagra and Viagra certainly does not need love. Love only needs togetherness. Togetherness, no matter what has happened, or will happen, you need that person in your life.
Both love and sexual attraction can cause strong reactions, but it’s sometimes difficult to tell which one it is. Sometimes, one person feels love, while the other is simply around because of lust. Understanding the difference can help you decide where your relationship with the other person is going.
Identify whether what you and the other person feel is sexual attraction. Signs of lust might include focusing on each other’s appearance, having a relationship that revolves around sex, and little interest in having real conversations and getting to know the other person.
Having a relationship based entirely on sexual attraction can work for a while, but things can become complicated if one partner feels love for the other while the other only feels lust. Ask yourself if you or the other person feel love for the other.
Love is usually coupled with sexual attraction, but love goes deeper. Think about whether you and the other person have long and deep conversations to really get to know each other and if you value each other’s happiness.
The person who loves you wants to see you becoming a better person and they are honest with you.
As long as people overlook and continue believing that sex and love are twins, the mjolo the pandemic will “kill” them.
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Bongani Ndlovu
Online Reporter