Chronicle Editor
Andile Tshuma
IMAGINE being in a relationship with your partner and thinking you are their only bae. You are giving your all in the relationship but for one reason or the other, you are not together for the lockdown, probably at your parents’ house. You are busy making plans about spending quality time after lockdown, then boom, the evil social media delivers V11s of your bae enjoying quality lockdown time with the other bae, the actual, main bae. It’s a rude awakening. You may have been just the other bae. But such is life.
By the end of the Covid-19 lockdown, there are people you need to get away from, habits you need to have broken and relationships that need to be cut off.
Some people have been inconsiderate and used to the life of making outrageous demands to their partners, but if you are not together during the lockdown, mobility is limited and those outrageous cravings and insane demands may have to be shelved for a while. You may realise you are not the orbit of the planet, neither are you the axis of earth. You are just John, or simply Jane.
And for some who thought they were in marriage bliss, because of lockdown, some secrets are too thorny to keep hidden in a sack.
A woman in a 10-year-old marriage discovered there is another family, another woman and kids in town. There were never any signs that something was amiss, hubby was just ever busy with work and ever travelling, yet he was just going to the next township.
We have all heard about the good side of the lockdown, rekindling old love, families coming together and all. But this lockdown period is revealing some secrets and unleashing some truths we would rather not have known.
Deception, infidelity and skeletons in the closet. There is so much that couples hide if they are not spending a lot of time together.
I for one know this lady who is a full time housewife and is married to a man who spends most of his time away on business.
She happens to have a side dude, whom she has been spending more time with than her husband to the point of even attending some social functions together.
This side person was even spending time at the woman’s matrimonial home when the husband was away. Now, the husband is around full time and the wife has to adjust. And she has been confiding in this mutual friend of ours about how it is difficult to go for weeks without seeing that side person. And now she can’t take calls or chat on social media as it is just too risky and there is a lot is at stake. The side dude is giving problems, he is not coping with the distance and craves the usual attention he gets from bae. Disaster is brewing.
It must be the same with men although I have not been privileged to get to hear all the ghastly details from anyone. However, for one who has a side bae or two, being stuck at home and unable to be wherever and whenever must surely make for a miserable few weeks.
Then the side baes themselves must be having the most difficult time.
Not being able to call your “partner” as you know that he or she cannot pick your calls since the main bae is there. Life is tough. For those financially dependent on such arrangements, it’s a tale of sorrow.
For some it’s a moment of truth. You may have been thinking you are the main bae, but bae is somewhere spending the lockdown down with their actual main bae.
It is somewhat unfair, but all these revelations being made at this time are showing that so many people in society have been living a lie.
Some people were thinking the whole world revolves around them and had been the alpha and omega of their partners in relationships.
People are getting a clear and more realistic view from the world as they are sobering up and realising that they are actually not so invincible.
A benefit of this situation is that it is forcing people to end infidelity and bad relationships. Cheating is not gender specific. Men and women do it, for a plethora of reasons.
Some are having to learn how to live with each other all over again and if they were spending more time with other “external elements”, then they have to make do with what’s there and do right by their relationships.
Spare a thought for slay queens.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that there was a sharp decrease on the number of posts by the so-called slay queens ever since the Government imposed a national lockdown due to the Covid-19 pandemic.
The lives of most slay queens was backed by “blessers” so as the lives of side-chicks. However, due to the implementation of measures to stop the spread of the virus, most men and the queens too have got little access or none to free movement which simply means that they had to adjust and live within their own means.
The sponsors of all that expensive life are mostly older married men and as such, due to the lockdown, they are “locked” with their families somewhere; where no slay queen or side-chick can see them.
Some men have even blocked most of these girls on their phones as well as on social media platforms.
The lifestyle that was lived by slay queens has somehow changed dramatically since the “sponsorship” is based on pay-as-you-use principle which means the slay queens will only get these benefits when the man is set to get something from them.
Not all hope is lost, dear Zimbabweans. There is still time to mend what’s broken, or move on and build new empires from scratch.
Two core necessities for a strong relationship are trust and communication. So take this as a God-given chance to work on your relationship. Remember that whatever issues your relationship suffered can be mended now. Start with healing yourself and then work on healing your relationship.
Those who can’t even attempt to be faithful to their partners in the face of a deadly disease need to introspect and evaluate the nature of their relationship.
Cheating in times of a crisis is not as simple as “oops I made a mistake, I’m sorry”, it’s more in terms of “I know we’re probably going to die but even then I don’t have the decency of remaining faithful to this relationship”.
This actually tempts me to finish up a half-done piece of writing on “fake” monogamous relationships in the side chick era, and the 21st century polygamy.
Maybe we would not be in this hot mess if people were embracing isithembu officially.
Till next week, stay safe, stay at home and practise social distancing should you have to be in public. – @andile_tshuma
Online Reporter