Online Reporter
As the year comes to an end, we revisit some of the interesting letters that were published in Mai Rebecca Chisamba’s column Mudzimba.
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Dear Amai, I am a 37-year-old woman married to a man of the same age. We are blessed with two children, and we are both gainfully employed.
We are generally a happy couple, but his family tends to arm-twist him every now and again.
My mother-in-law is currently staying with us; she came for a routine medical check-up.
She complained that the mattress in the guest room she is occupying is making her back ache because it is too soft.
She then demanded that our bed be moved to the spare room for her.
When I informed my husband of this request, he said no. However, when he told his mother, he made it seem as if I was the one who had refused. She is now very angry and in a foul mood.
She called her eldest daughter, my sister-in-law, who lives in the same neighbourhood and complained to her.
The whole issue has now been blown out of proportion. I know my husband made the correct decision by refusing, but I have not chipped in or said a word to anyone. Still, my sister-in-law is accusing me of ill-treating their mother.
Response
Hello and thanks for reaching out. I am glad you are a happy couple; keep the fire burning.
Happiness in marriages is now becoming a rare thing. Your mother-in-law, despite her age, is behaving like a spoilt child. She has caused a lot of problems by failing to put her request across properly.
All she should have done was to request for a firm mattress and one could have been bought or sourced.
It is unfortunate your husband betrayed you and you are being portrayed in a bad way.
I do not understand why your sister-in-law is kicking rocks instead of helping with the situation.
Why can’t she buy a firm mattress for her mother?
In our culture, it is taboo for your mother-in-law to sleep on your bed unless it is a matter of life and death. Your husband owes you an apology. He must call and tell his family members the truth.
I know you are upset, but please do not report this to your side of the family; if you follow this, you avoid escalating the matter.
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Newlywed couple in distress
Dear Amai, I am a married woman with my own family. I serve as the senior tete in our extended family. Two months ago, my niece was traditionally married, and it was a beautiful celebration.
People sang, danced and ululated with joy. It was agreed that a few days later, we would escort her to her husband’s home for the kuperekwa ceremony.
However, the bride’s mother — my sister-in-law — refused to participate, saying the custom goes against her church beliefs.
The groom’s family responded firmly, stating they would not accept the bride into their family without this tradition being observed.
They emphasised that all their daughters-in-law had been welcomed through this process.
My brother, who does not attend church, is unfortunately henpecked. His wife makes most of the decisions and this situation has become an embarrassment to our family. We are at a loss for what to do and the young couple is heartbroken.
We are now waiting for our eldest brother, who is returning from abroad, to guide us. He is known for being decisive and firm. Please advise us, Amai. What is the best way forward in such a delicate situation?
Response
Hello tete, I understand your concern. I know how much people in your position work hard and get misunderstood at times.
The bride’s mother is trying to play hardball and complicate things for no reason.
Lobola is a traditional ritual and once rusambo has been accepted, it is expected that all the associated steps, including kuperekwa, are followed.
Culture is not something we can practise selectively — it is a package deal.
If her church does not want her daughter to complete the lobola process, then they should have resorted to the Western way of getting married — a proposal with a ring, followed by a white wedding.
This interference is disturbing the new union. The newlyweds are supposed to be in their honeymoon phase. Complete the ritual as planned. Please keep me posted. I would like to hear what your elder brother says.
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Am I a fool for love?
Makadii Amai? I was in a relationship with a woman for two years. I truly believed she was the love of my life. I never saw a suspicious message in her phone or suspected anything was wrong.
Amai, I was completely shocked when a man who lives in our neighbourhood paid lobola (bride price) for her. I am heartbroken and feel utterly let down.
She told me what had happened and suggested we remain friends. I agreed to this arrangement, and we now chat when the guy is out of town on his travelling job.
Last week, we even had lunch together at a hideout. I want my girl back. What can I do?
Response
I am well and thanks for asking. I am sorry about what transpired. Simply put, you were betrayed. She made a big fool out of you, and you continue to play the fool.
A married woman must not request to remain friends with an ex. What type of friendship is this?
What you are doing is morally and legally wrong.
She is no longer your girl but someone’s wife. Move on. How can you fall for the same trick twice?
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
