Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
I AM 25 years old and work in the civil service. I am deeply in love with a woman of the same age who works for a private company. I love her very much, but she has expensive tastes. She does not believe in affordable takeaways; instead, she prefers top-tier restaurants.
For her birthdays and other special occasions, she expects designer gifts. Another habit of hers that I find troubling is that she frequently asks family and friends for money and favours, which makes me uncomfortable. This behaviour embarrasses me, and I do not know how to address it. Amai, how can I stop this from happening?
Response
Hello and thank you for reaching out. Dating is a crucial period for understanding your partner better and identifying potential red flags and concerns.
I am glad you are paying attention to these details. You say you love this woman deeply and I hope she feels the same way about you.
I suggest having an honest conversation with her about your concerns. Living beyond one’s means can lead to financial strain and unnecessary debt, which could jeopardise your future stability.
If she is open to change and willing to adjust her habits for the better, you might consider premarital counselling to align your expectations and values. However, you must also prepare for the possibility that she may not want to change.
If she chooses to continue her current lifestyle, how will you handle it? Remember, relationships thrive on mutual respect and shared values. Wishing you all the best in navigating this situation.
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I made a grave mistake
Dear Amai, I hope this message finds you well. I am a 23-year-old gardener, married with two children. My wife, who is 21, is a full-time housewife.
I had been working for my previous employer for four years when a neighbour convinced me to leave my job to work for his cousin in a nearby suburb. He assured me that I would receive double my salary and have better working conditions.
Without informing my boss, I left, believing this new opportunity was secure.
Before starting the new job, I took a short break and visited my rural home. When I was ready to begin work, I called the man who had arranged the opportunity, only to be shocked when he told me that his plan had fallen through.
Desperate, I reached out to my former boss to apologise and enquire if he would be willing to rehire me. Unfortunately, he refused, saying he could no longer consider me after what I had done. Amai, please help me find a job. As a husband and father, I am struggling.
Response
I am very well, thank you for asking. While you identify yourself as a husband and father, your decision-making did not reflect those responsibilities. You were enticed by the promise of a better job without securing it first.
Your former employer is understandably upset because you abandoned your job without notice. His reluctance to rehire you is justified — once betrayed, trust is difficult to rebuild. I hesitate to assist you in finding a job due to your past decisions; I do not know whether you will handle another opportunity wisely.
However, I strongly suggest that you contact a registered domestic worker placement agency, as they may be able to help you find employment more quickly. In the future, remember your responsibilities and do not allow yourself to be deceived by promises that seem too good to be true. After all, all that glitters is not gold.
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I feel unappreciated
I am 28 years old and single. I have three siblings — one brother and two sisters — who are all gainfully employed and living comfortably.
Unlike them, I did not perform well in school, and I rely on menial jobs to get by.
I am the one who resides with our parents at our rural home, and I oversee all the projects here. I do not understand what my siblings expect from me.
They insult me and label me a “good-for-nothing” person, who simply waits for them to send groceries at the end of the month.
I had considered moving out to find my own place, but my parents pleaded with me to stay because I am their helper.
Even if my siblings stopped sending groceries, we would still manage through the projects we run at home.
Yet, whenever they visit, they take a substantial amount of produce — something I would have worked hard to cultivate. Their attitude and constant criticism are affecting me deeply. Amai, how can I move past this?
Response
Hello writer. Your letter was difficult to read — it is clear that this situation is emotionally draining. Your siblings’ behaviour is unfair and unappreciative. I get the sense that their opinions about you may stem from discussions among themselves, with one possibly influencing the others. Although your contribution may not be financial, you are providing invaluable care and support to your parents.
That is something money cannot buy. Continue your work for their sake and try to find peace in knowing that your efforts matter. Family should not be a source of resentment.
I strongly suggest that your parents call a family meeting to openly address these concerns. Clearing the air could help reduce tensions and foster understanding.
Do not allow negativity to weigh you down — this issue can be resolved with honest communication. Wishing you strength and clarity as you navigate this.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
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