My hubby thinks I’m having an affair

Mudzimba

Dr Chisamba

Dear Amai, I am a married 33-year-old woman with one child. My husband gets on very well with his friend, who was the best man at our wedding.

A fortnight ago, as I was driving from work, I bumped into this guy. I stopped to pick him up since we stay in the same area. He told me he had left his car at the garage for service. After a few kilometres, my car played up. I then called my husband to explain that my car had broken down.

I also explained how I had run into his friend. He spoke to him on the phone and asked him to try fixing the car. After a few tricks, the car was up and running.

As we drove along, we got stuck in traffic because of roadworks. It took us about an hour to get home. My husband behaved normally and went to drop off his friend at his house.

On his way back, he found his friend’s necktie in my car and all hell broke loose. He went mad and came to his own conclusions. I suggested that perhaps he took it off when he was fixing the car.

He has since hurled all kinds of insults at me. There is heavy tension between us, but he pretends to his friend that all is well. Amai, should I tell his friend about this? I am very upset.

Response

Hello and thank you very much for writing in. I read your letter and wondered why your husband is putting you under all this unnecessary stress, unless there is something that I am missing. It seems he has some serious trust issues, which, in this instance, are uncalled for. According to your narrative, everything was transparent. You called him to come to your aid.

He even instructed his friend on what to fix. It is common knowledge that when fixing a car, people remove their neckties. I think your hubby has other issues that he failed to bring to your attention and would want to use this occasion to vent out his frustrations. I suggest you sit down with your hubby and have a candid talk. If he does not trust his friend, then why does he continue to have ties with him? I do not think telling his friend about this will bring anything positive to the table. If need be, let him bell the cat. I would be happy to hear from you again.

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Mother-in-law causing family drama

I am 38 years old and married to a very caring man of the same age. We are blessed with two teenage children.

My mother-in-law has been under the weather for the past month, so we took her in so that we can monitor her condition. We made sure she took her medication and followed the doctor’s instructions. I told my own mother about my mother-in-law’s illness and she felt very sorry and promised to make time to come and see her.

Last week, she came over with some pumpkins, cucumbers and other garden produce for my mother-in-law. After a few days, my mother-in-law was on the phone with one of her daughters. The phone was on speaker.

She complained about seeing my mother in her weird dreams and said she thinks she is a witch. She also asked her daughter to come and pick her up because she is not keen on eating what was brought for her from our home.

The good thing is my husband was there and he heard the conversation and told her to hang up the phone immediately.

My mother did not take this well and she has since left. She asked me to let my husband decide on the way forward. Amai, what do you make of this?

Response

Greetings writer. It is very refreshing to hear of people who care for each other. Well done. I also would like to commend you for looking after your mother-in-law during her illness.

You made a very good decision to let your mother know about the illness despite what happened later. I understand why your mother was upset because what was said about her was very defamatory. She advised your husband to deal with this issue as he sees fit.

I suggest he goes to tell his mother’s siblings about this, then have a meeting with his mum.

They definitely owe your mum an apology. In our culture, you do not infuriate your in-laws. Vakuwashaka ava. One of her brothers or sisters should go and make peace with your mother. They may even be asked to do so in the form of a token (kuripiswa).

As a couple, do not read too much into this. Each person must answer for their transgressions individually. Continue to love and respect each other. Pray over this so that you are able to forgive and look after her well. I would be happy to hear from you.

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Pastor assumes I’m dating his daughter

Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 28-year-old guy and yet to get married. I am degreed and gainfully employed. I fellowship at a popular pentecostal church. I happen to be a good friend of the pastor’s daughter. Naturally, many people are encouraging me to marry this girl but I have no intention of even dating her. I have a girlfriend but she goes to another church with her parents.

I do not know why people suspect that we are a couple. However, I think this girl is to blame. She is always all over me and does not want other girls near me.

Last Sunday, one of the elders warned me against misbehaving with this lady because we would bring the church into disrepute. It seems her parents have joined those who assume we are dating. I am under so much pressure that I feel like quitting and joining my girlfriend’s church. I tried to reason with my own parents but they did not believe me because the rumour is very strong. Amai, how do I come out of this messy situation?

Response

I am very well and thank you for inquiring. It is impressive that you go to your church consistently. From what you stated, I think this girl is deliberately giving people the wrong impression about your friendship. I think the best and easiest way out is to talk to her in a very friendly manner about your girlfriend.

You can even suggest introducing her since yours is just mere friendship. Tell her you intend to bring her and introduce her to the church before you get married. I think this kind of talk will put her off once and for all.

If she is the one spreading the rumour, it will quickly die down. If you are serious about your girl, why not show her off? Take it one step at a time. Refuse to be put under any pressure. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. I would be happy to hear from you again.

Feedback: beckychisamba@ gmail.com