adminIt is I, Bra Gee the former pillar of the pub who had disappeared to regions spiritual to raise money to establish a fund for all drinkers to draw upon for eternity.
I have spent the past few months under the cloak of a preacher and what I have seen there will keep us entertained through posterity as we drink in unlimited joy.
Before we go into the shenanigans of the church let me start with the important matters. I am pleased to announce that the target has been reached and all drinkers are safe for the foreseeable future.
Starting today I will be hosting any with an open throat at the usual place and there is no need to even mention the January disease. I assure you brethren in spirits, the church is a no fail fund-raising venture for those with the proper business acumen.
If you think the great Bra Gee lies, look at how one boy with no riches or fame in his severe rural background is now vying for a Forbes listing along with his Nigerian trainers. I tell you dear fellow drinkers, the church is where all the money in the country is heading, no mistake about it. So let us wet our throats today as we usher in 2012 with some of the millions that I collected on your behalf in a few short months.
And do not let your conscience bother you on how I scammed some “holy” people. All the money came from self-serving hypocrites who think they can buy a front row seat in the Kingdom of Heaven by paying any person who calls themselves a pastor or a prophet.
And those are the ones with the noblest intentions in these churches; you know which ones I mean!
The rest are not even concerned with the hereafter as their sole purpose for going to church is to get blessings to ensure that they get rich quickly here on the Kingdom of the Earth.
It is for such that the culture of seeding was conveniently created and that is exactly the doctrine that Bra Gee took advantage of: “Give the prophet/priest/reverend/pastor or whatever title the person holds a set amount of money and God will return it to you tenfold.”
All I can say dear brethren in spirits, is that the trick worked wonders and the money came pouring in. As to whether the contributors to our fund will get their 1 000 percent interest, who knows and who cares? Certainly not the drinking constituency!
I would advise that they Google the name Ponzi and live and learn. Or they can read up on the other fellow who talks about how fools and their money do not enjoy sharing the same neighbourhood for any extended periods of time.
I must say it feels good to be back in the fold of the drinkers once more for it is here where the good and honesty people congregate. There is no hypocrisy couched in the words of the brethren in spirit which is more than I can say for the group that I have had to put up with for the past few months in my search for money.
For example, the ladies who sell their intangible goods in the bar make no secret of what they are offering and they tell you what the price is upfront. It is only when you refuse to pay up that they strip
you in front of the cameras of that little paper that we all love to describe as filthy even we lap up every little sordid detail.
And even the likes of yourself who always come to the bar with no cent in their pockets and leave the place roaring drunk every night, you do not pretend to be anything other than the good-for-nothing spongers you are as you sidle up to anyone with a few dollars and shamelessly beg for “just one”.
But at the other gatherings you do not see such honesty, no sir! For example, a person will come to tell you their problems then when you help them out they will thank forces unseen in order to avoid being beholden to you, the hypocrites!
When God wanted to help the Israelites out, he showered them with manna from heaven and did not use money from the wallet of a human being.
At the bar we are always directly grateful unto those who cheer our spirits and lift our glasses to salute them without fail before we even partake of what they have provided, generously or reluctantly, whatever the case may be.
But we will get back to such matters later as I tell you of how life under the cloak went. For now let us drink and be merry while we await 2012. Happy New Year!
Online Reporter