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Nhlalwenhle Ncube
THERE are people who often feel let down by love to the extent that they have come to believe that the issue of love does not exist or it’s just over exaggerated.
I know too many disappointments in relationships can cause great distress and lead one to believe that they are not meant to be in love as it always leaves them heartbroken.
Expecting your better half to keep you happy all the time is normal to everyone.
Once your partner forgets something important to you, be it your birthday or anniversary that may make you feel let down and disappointed in them.
Your whole relationship is then based on that one wrong move or that one isolated incident evoking feelings of being unappreciated and unloved.
Such feelings make you accuse your partner of being uncaring and forgetful, the responses sting the most. Your partner is likely to tell you that you complain a lot, are too critical or that you are hard to satisfy, pushing you deeper into distress.
Being hurt and let down happens, but you should not always expect the worst from your partner, give them the benefit of the doubt instead of shutting them out. Feelings of being let down come when you seek love, respect and approval from others and feel disappointed when they do not provide you with what you want.
Give yourself the love that you expect others to give you because if you expect that from others you will never be satisfied, leading you to question if they still love you or searching for signs to see if they are still interested in you.
Relationships are not all that rosy and in most cases, make you question how much you are worth. When your partner fails to make time to see you, you feel like they have neglected you, sometimes you question if love really exists. You tend to question if you have been cursed as you follow the trends set by your previous relationships.
Give yourself time to accept the circumstances before thinking about jumping ship, when the feeling of disappointment kicks in, many consider breaking up to escape the pain. It is not the only way to go, but first find ways of communicating your feelings instead of leaving every relationship because you feel disappointed and let down.
Love is complicated and hard to understand, it involves a lot of emotions and awakes feelings that you never knew existed, but in its true sense is worth it. Just as you let down yourself at times accept that your partner is human and is bound to make mistakes as well which might disappoint you.
When you are that kind of person who always expects to be let down in a relationship, no matter how much someone loves you or showers you with attention and expensive gifts you will always feel that they are guilty of something, are cheating or even doing it out of duty instead of love.
When you constantly feel let down and don’t appreciate the efforts made by your partner, better take a step back and search deep inside you, maybe you don’t love yourself enough. Know your self worth and add tax to it, that itself will make you a better partner and a fun person to be around. No amount of attention, diamonds or even passionate declarations can close the gap inside you if you are always expecting the worst from everyone!
The feeling of being unloved is terrible, loneliness kicks in and in worst cases you become depressed. Being let down is not a reason to abandon yourself, let it be the reason why you get up and strive to be a better partner in your relationship.
Don’t let disappointments from the past set the pace for your current or future relationships because when you constantly look for mistakes and expect the worst in your relationship then it is doomed.
Your constant fears and judgment will always stand in your way of finding happiness, you may have been let down today or in the past but that is not the end of the world but a chance to begin something beautiful.
When you really think of it you realise being hurt or let down is a chance to start over, that process gives you a chance to begin a new chapter allowing you to be a better person and a better lover.
It is a dangerous move to allow the past to control your mind, it will only chase away a potential partner or even scare away your current partner.
Hammering down on our loved ones when we feel they have failed us is only going to breed more damage. Love is about telling the other person that we will help them pick up, dust off, and move on.
Trust is more than expecting someone to never make a mistake. It’s expecting mutual love regardless of each other’s failures.
Trust really goes hand-in-hand with love. Forgive, love, and support!
derick.khumalo