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Vaidah Mashangwa
A long time ago uncles, aunts and grandparents played an important role in teaching their own children and grandchildren skills that are needed to make a living. This included preparing young men and women for adulthood and parenthood. Nowadays due to industrialisation grandparents and grandchildren spend a number of years without seeing or visiting each other. The important roles the seniors used to play have been replaced by teachings from church pastors, elders and peer pressure has mounted to unprecedented levels.
The young people are left with no one to confide in as some parents too can be very difficult to approach. My office has received calls from young girls infected with sexually transmitted infections and some by HIV after having failed to approach their parents.
This is no longer a time to prescribe subjects to discuss with children but a time for parents and children to openly discuss sexuality and issues that affect them. Some children are raped by relatives for years but because of poor relationships and communication between parents and children, some children choose to keep quiet.
Chronicle recently described how a grandfather raped his own granddaughter for seven years. Though the granddaughter tried to confide in her grandmother, she turned a deaf ear. As if this was not enough, the grandfather was only sentenced to eight years in jail. The obligation that adults had towards children has been weakened.
Changes in mortality and fertility mean we also have grandparents who are in their 40s nowadays, therefore young grandmothers are more likely to be employed than was the case a generation ago. As a result, young working grandmothers and aunts have less time to devote to their grandchildren and nieces.
Parents themselves at times have differing opinions in terms of how children should be raised, giving them guidance, and dealing with the children’s misbehaviour. The man at times blames his wife for her failure as a mother to discipline children, while the woman blames the man’s failure as the father to discipline the children.
At times a man may feel that his wife is very permissive when it comes to disciplining children while some women may blame their husbands for being too strict with the children. All this brings about a lot of friction in the way both parties relate with the children.
Parents ought to understand that besides the love, nurturing and care that they provide to their children, there is a need to provide the guidance, support and discipline children need in order to become responsible members of society. Parents need to train children in the skills they need to become autonomous such as walking, dressing and eating.
The way a person dresses or walks tells a whole story about the personality of the individual. Wrong traits may be carried over into adulthood. It is therefore important to teach children the norms and values of the dominant culture in our society or that of the subculture where the family lives.
While the church, school and peer group can assist it all starts at home. The rest of these groupings should just add value to what the parents started. Imagine the images of nude young girls and schools girls that were in Sunday News on the 29th of September 2013 page M6.
What kind of picture is being depicted of norms, values and culture of the Zimbabwean people? If bulawayoubuhle.com is a dating page how does nudity come in?
Is it that today’s young men are very interested in young women who openly expose their bodies because now girls are in the stiff competition to get the best male through these suggestive and seductive images.
It is high time that parents take the issue of morality seriously before we are a lost nation. Parents should also learn to be good role models to their children. A good example is that of parents who come home from work and drink liquor until bedtime. The children are also likely to be alcoholics in adulthood.
Research reveals that teenagers who are troubled about school work and social relationships are more vulnerable to drug use. The best way for parents to recognise that their teenager is becoming despondent is to ensure that channels of communication remain open. At times it is important to watch television and eat together as a family.
Researchers have concluded that the more time a family spends watching television together, the greater their interaction of individual problems and development of feelings of a loving and supportive family.
At the same time parents should also avoid unreasonable expectations from the children. Children are likely to be resistant to a hard and fast schedule because they may be developmentally unable to cope with it.
*Vaidah Mashangwa is the Provincial Development Officer for Bulawayo, Ministry of Women Affairs, Gender and Community Development. She can be contacted on 0772111592, 09-889224. Email: [email protected]
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