tawandamusarurwa
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
I AM a married woman and a mother of three beautiful children. My husband and his elder brother were like inseparable twins. They did many successful projects together. Their companionship brought our two families together.
My sister-in-law is my best friend and our kids get on very well. Sometime in May this year, my brother-in-law was informed by one of his friends that there was a scheme that was paying out three times as much as the initial investment.
He persuaded my husband to join forces on the project. They pooled their resources and joined the scheme, against our wish.
The scheme turned out to be a scam and all the money was lost. My husband and his brother had a bitter verbal fight and now, they are not on speaking terms. My husband is also angry with me.
He says I should also stop communicating with maiguru and babamukuru. I tried to talk him out of this, but each time I do so, he takes offence. We cannot destroy a relationship, which even involves our kids’ friendships, overnight because of a misunderstanding. Amai, how do we help them reconcile?
Response
Dear writer, thank you very much for your communication. First, let me commend you for having such a strong relationship with your family. It is in everyone’s best interest.
It is very sad that they brewed a storm out of a teacup because of a Ponzi scheme. It is very unfortunate that people continue to join these schemes after many have lost their hard-earned money.
Law-enforcement agencies have been warning people of these schemes for years but it has been to no avail. I suggest you engage your family elders such as the aunts and uncles, and have a family meeting to resolve this issue.
Continue the good that you have been doing so that you do not confuse the children. Embrace each other.
There is no reason to continue crying over spilt milk because it does not change what happened. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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I feel overwhelmed
I am a married mother of two beautiful girls, who are in primary school. I live in the same neighbourhood as a woman I went to college with.
We do not have a blood relationship, but we treat each other like sisters and we both enjoy the support from our spouses. My friend’s maid takes her break when schools close, so she looks for a holiday helper.
Last term, she left it until too late and ended up bringing all her three kids to my house because she could not find a suitable helper in a short space of time.
This was a lot of work for my maid. I had to pay her double because it was a full house. My friend insisted on paying half of the maid’s wages, but I said no because I did not want to make this a permanent arrangement.
To cut a long story short, she has done it again this holiday and it is such an inconvenience. My nephew was supposed to come for the holiday, but I cannot accommodate him because the house is full. Amai, how do I let my friend know she is inconveniencing us?
Response
The fact that your spouses support your friendship shows that it is genuine. I will tell you frankly that if your friend continues to send her kids to you every holiday, this bond will end in no time. She is not thinking like a mother or a level-headed parent.
Be honest and let her know it is not working because it is affecting many people. Think of the maid trying to juggle five children and house work. The kids will suffer because she cannot cope with all of their needs.
Your nephew has already missed out on a fun holiday. If this is not stopped, you risk losing your maid as well. Your friend has to be better organised. There is ample time to find a helper for the holiday if she runs around. She should not take advantage of you unless it is an emergency. Please, keep me posted.
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Mother is on my case
Dear Amai, thank you for your Sunday Mail column. I follow it religiously. I am a married woman and a mother of a toddler.
My husband and I are both gainfully employed. My father-in-law worked as a chef all his life and is a great cook. When he visits, he enjoys showing off his recipes and we love it when he is around. A fortnight ago, my parents came over to our house and found him cooking in the kitchen. We all enjoyed the food, but my mother did not take it lightly.
She asked me to accompany her to the shops as a way of finding time to speak to me in secrecy. She called me lazy and told me that I was not being a respectful daughter-in-law by making him cook. I tried to explain the situation, but it is always difficult to win a battle when you argue with my mother. Amai, how do I convince her in case this happens again?
Response
Hello big fan. Thank you very much for following the column. I chuckled when I read your letter. You have some homework to do to make your mother understand that your father-in-law genuinely enjoys cooking.
Time this perfectly and bring this up when you are both in the best of moods. I bet you have pictures of baba cooking in other people’s kitchens and some from his career to show your mum.
Let her know that it is actually his passion. When time permits, you can also take her to your in-laws’ home so that she sees him doing it in his own house, too.
Engage him to talk about his career in the presence of your mother. I think the conversation will help her understand him better. Continue to enjoy his recipes and also make it a learning curve. I wish you all the best.
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Online Reporter