admin
Dear Tete Joy
I am almost 17 years old and went to a party with a big group of friends about two months ago.
We all got extremely drunk.
I was in an awful state.
I woke up the next morning with a boy I know really well and who I have gone through school with.
We chatted that morning, but haven’t spoken much since.
I have been on the pill for the past year for health reasons, but I discovered two weeks back that I’m pregnant.
I have always wanted a baby, but most certainly not at my age!
I have no idea what to do, as I know the boy will not step up and become a father figure to the baby, and my mother and father will be furious.
I have always taken my pill consistently, but I know things like this do happen.
I don’t want a baby at this point in my life, but I’m not the sort of person to get rid of one either.
Tete Joy says:
First of all, you need to go to your doctor, have another test done and get your pregnancy dated.
Do it now while it’s very early on.
Certain things can impact on the effectiveness of the Pill, such as vomiting and diarrhoea or certain medications – your doctor can give you more information.
You can have counselling over this. However, you have to tell your parents.
No, it’s not a perfect scenario and you didn’t want it to happen at this point in your life, but it has.
Also, don’t worry about what other people will think. Just focus on yourself – the people who matter will be supportive.
I’m sure your parents will be shocked and even devastated, but parents are also pretty good at stepping up and dealing with things, so don’t underestimate them.
*******************
Hubby turning children against me
Dear Tete Joy:
I divorced my husband four years ago after 20 years of marriage.
He was an emotional bully and was very controlling about things like my behaviour, how tidy the house was and how much money I spent.
But he was a good liar and appeared very charming and cheeky to everybody else.
After I left him, he started to turn the children (who are now 17, 19 and 22) against me.
Whenever they went to stay with him, he bought them expensive gifts and if I told them off, he would side with them.
He told them, and some of our mutual friends, that during our marriage, I spent lots of money, flirted with other men and always nagged him.
None of these things are true but slowly, over time, my children started to believe his version of events.
I never told them why I ended the marriage or the full extent of his behaviour because despite everything, he was their dad and I didn’t want to bad-mouth him.
But now I’m thinking I should have been more honest. I want to tell them what he was really like to be married to but I’m worried I’ll look petty.
Tete Joy says:
I think you should sit them down. Don’t slag him off, but say, “Let me explain my side of the story”.
Explain that of course he’s a great dad and he loves them, but that you have a side of the story that they need to know about.
Tell them exactly what did happen, and what didn’t happen, for example, you flirting with other men or being careless with money — and why you left.
You can do all this without criticising him unfairly, just state the facts.
Listen, kids aren’t stupid. Even if they believe one parent over the other for a while, they always figure out the truth.
They will also learn that when you tell them off or don’t buy them what they want, you’re doing it for the right reasons.
Even if they don’t realise it now, eventually they’ll realise you’re a great mum who is doing her best by them.
*******************
Love my girlfriend but craving sex with other women
Dear Tete Joy:
I love my girlfriend, but I often think about having sex with other women.
I feel like I’m not fully connected to her, like we haven’t got that spark.
I don’t want to end the relationship without trying to understand where we both stand, but it’s taking a toll on me.
I crave what she’s not giving me.
The thing is, I’m not too sure what that is!
Tete Joy says:
If you don’t know what it is, then you can’t expect her to know what to do.
However, I think what you’re talking about here is chemistry, that indefinable thing that causes fireworks between two people and makes everything just work.
I understand it’s difficult to end a relationship, especially when everything on the surface seems fine and you get along great as mates and care for each other.
But if you’re thinking about having sex with other women all the time, then it’s not okay.
You can try putting the spark back sexually, maybe things have become routine or perhaps it’s the fear of settling down and only having sex with one woman for the rest of your life.
Maybe, if you’re honest, you don’t quite feel ready for that.
I wouldn’t necessarily end things but have a break from each other, not so you can sow your oats, but to see what it’d be like to be on your own without her.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716 069 196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write to us remain anonymous
Online Reporter