Remember those in need

Make a difference Beatrice Tonhodzai- Ngodo
I have heard a couple of people already talking about how they want to celebrate this year’s festive season. Plans are afoot for some people to go away, gather around as a family, eat and drink like there is no tomorrow while others just cannot wait to rest. Some friends have already shown me their Christmas wish lists and these are quite extensive — boasting of all manner of things from the latest smartphones, iPads, handbags, cars, shopping trips, furniture and hairstyles — you name it.

For some, the Christmas wish they are praying for most is getting a job while those lucky enough to be employed are keeping their fingers crossed that their employers will be able to pay them their annual bonus.

With the hardships that most companies are going through, employees know that a 13th cheque may not be guaranteed.
Listening to all these discussions going on around me, I could not help but think back to a post I saw on someone’s WhatsApp status which read: “you can give without loving but you cannot love without giving.”

While I am not certain whether the statement is 100 percent correct, I can safely say it is definitely most profound.
At a personal level, it struck a chord within me and I found it to be true to an extent because when you love, you find that you must give; whether it is giving of oneself, time, gifts, you just want to share with the one you love.

This does not mean in any way, of course, this commercial aspect of relationships where one person may just be in there wanting to get and actually getting; because in that scenario it is quite clear that there is no love.

One person of either sex gives to get certain favours while the other expects to get things so they release certain favours.
It is simply some form of arrangement.

Once love comes into it, it becomes different because there is joy in spending the very little one has to make loved ones happy.
There is joy to give of one’s time, soul and spirit.

I think everybody knows the love of a mother and a father, which sees them do everything in their power to keep their children safe and happy.

A mother will fight like a lioness to defend her child.
She will go without shoes so her child can go to school.

The same with a father; who will spend the whole day at work without eating because for him, his family comes first.
A man will spend all his savings on the lady he loves just because to him love and giving are synonymous.

The same applies for a woman in love. She will look for that special something for the man who would have won her heart.
Which is why I got worried when I saw the manner of the Christmas wish lists some of my friends are compiling.
It seems the society we live in is becoming more and more materialistic and selfish.

People think about what they can get out of everybody and everyone around them.
The more expensive the gift is, the more one believes they are loved.

I thought you can see if one loves you because they will give of themselves and their time without complaining.
The other gifts and extras are an additional reinforcement of that love. Imagine if one showers you with gifts but is just not available for you. Rather cold, isn’t it?

Also, if we start to look at value as the pre-determinant of love, will we not see those who cannot afford expensive gifts relegated to the corner, seen as people who are not capable of loving.

If a man’s love is determined by giving; let us be certain we know what manner of giving we are talking about.
If one gives of their time rather than something of monetary value, does this mean they are not in love?

If everyone thinks of what they can get out of the next person, who then shall give to those who have no one? We all know there are widows, orphans, the sick, the jobless, the hungry and the lonely among us. Times are hard.

I wonder if I will see one wish list, which includes something as mundane as committing to spending a day with the sick in a hospital ward, visiting the rural areas and dishing out treats to the children in one’s village, giving away all those clothes that are literally gathering dust in your closet, giving away one of the many cars that are literally littering your yard, appreciating your house help with something special, sharing with a neighbour or workmate who is in trouble, giving a young person the chance to learn from you or just giving a motivational and empowering speech to those who need it in your area.

As this season of festivities, known as the season of giving, which for you and me, truly should read “season of spirit of wanting to be given” because truth be told, I also have my wish list, approaches why not change the model a little bit and include on our lists not just what we would like to get but also what we would like to give to those in our lives and those in need.

A male colleague of mine was telling me of how he broke up with his partner because she got him a “miserable sweater” as a Christmas gift when he had bought her a smartphone she had wanted for over a year, spending all his savings because he truly wanted to make her happy.

For him, a sweater from her was just a token, which she picked up so she could give something and therefore not feel bad.
But to him it was an empty gift coming from someone whose feelings for him were also empty.

He said if she had bought him a collection of his favourite music on a compilation CD, which he had hinted for a long while, he would have been happier because to him, that would have shown that she cared about his feelings.