Ruwa gangster family that could put Colombian drug lords to shame

WHAT began as a wildly inappropriate relationship ended like a low-budget gangster movie, complete with bricks, a family gang and a pit bull that did not know the script.

Stanley Munhungeyi (42) allegedly caught feelings for a 14-year-old girl in his Ruwa neighbourhood. A tragic mistake? Absolutely! But what followed was part soap opera, part heist and 100 percent mayhem.

According to the police, the girl had innocently gone to charge her phone at Munhungeyi’s house — a classic Zimbabwean love story starter pack. But her 35-year-old mother walked in, smelled teenage scandal and went full crime scene investigation: Ruwa.

Within hours, she returned with backup — two furious aunties.

They accused Stanley of dating the teen, smashed his head with a brick (standard issue in Ruwa disputes), and gave him the sort of beating that would make World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) stars jealous.

Not done yet, the ladies frog-marched the unlucky lover boy to their house, where the dad joined the action.

Then came the twist: “You have been dating our daughter? Now pay for the emotional damages, preferably in US dollars” (well, not exactly in these words).

Stanley, still nursing his brick-dented skull, mumbled that he had no cash, but some savings in the bank.

“They escorted the complainant to Msasa, where they forced him to withdraw US$100 and they took the money,” police have since confirmed.

After collecting their spoils, the family summoned even more relatives; this time with an uncle who brought a pit bull as their version of an enforcer. They then demanded him to withdraw more or let the dog decide his fate.

The canine, we imagine, was wagging its tail, wondering what it did to deserve this.

But when Stanley could not produce another dollar, they moved him to Damofalls Phase 2, where they held him hostage until Sunday.

They even told him to start calling his family for ransom, as if they had accidentally started a kidnapping business.

Police were eventually tipped off and stormed the hideout.

And the kidnappers scattered like airtime dealers at the sight of a council truck.

The girl’s parents were both eventually arrested.

Stanley was treated and discharged.

Yes, Stanley might have been wrong.

But the girl’s family? Natural-born vigilantes now moonlighting as extortionists — Zimbabwe’s first reported case of entrepreneurial romantic revenge, or so the allegations go.

They will now have their day in court.