SCHOOLBOYS MOLEST CHEVRONS AT QUEENS…The nation patiently watches as its cricket team becomes a meme of incompetence and an emoji of mediocrity

Guest Writer

WHAT happened at Queens Sports Club wasn’t just a defeat. It was a humiliation of catastrophic proportions. 

The Zimbabwe national cricket team, better known as the Chevrons, was mauled, crushed and publicly undressed by what was effectively a South African schoolboy side.

A Proteas team stripped of seven first-choice stars handed Zimbabwe their biggest Test losses in history. Not once. Twice. In Bulawayo. In front of home fans. The first Test was lost by 328 runs. The second by an innings and 236 runs. A back-to-back embarrassment that should leave anyone connected to Zimbabwe Cricket red-faced and begging for mercy.

This was not a cricket contest. It was a massacre. It was children robbing a broken store. It was a heart-crushing, hypertension-inducing and mind-numbing hell for fans, who deserve better.

South Africa’s Wiaan Mulder, scored 367 not out. That was just 23 runs shy of what Zimbabwe managed across two entire innings. Let that sink in. One man nearly outscored an entire team twice.

Zimbabwe’s combined scores were 170 and 220. The Proteas, made up of teenagers and backups, took 40 wickets in two matches. Meanwhile, Zimbabwe’s bowlers were reduced to ball retrievers. The Queens Sports Club pitch was a batting paradise for everyone except the home team. If you can’t bat on a flat wicket at home, what hope is there abroad?

Even worse, the visitors collected wickets with the efficiency of machines. Zimbabwe’s bowlers struggled. 

They couldn’t even crack open a South African tail that looked barely old enough to vote.

Selection chaos continues to be Zimbabwe Cricket’s terminal illness. Test spots are handed out like party favours, based on vibes, nepotism and club politics. Not performance.

Take Takudzwanashe Kaitano. The 32-year-old opener, who should be on the verge of retirement, bumbled to 52 runs in four innings. That includes two first-innings ducks. His Logan Cup average? A laughable 26. Meanwhile, Tanunurwa Makoni was sitting at home with a first-class average of 65, and Innocent Kaia had 50. Why were they overlooked?

Then there’s Dion Myers, yanked from obscurity as a backup for the injured Brian Bennett. The man was dropped months ago for poor form and proved the selectors right by scoring a combined 12 runs in two innings. He is not even an opener yet was shoved to the top of the order like a sacrificial lamb.

Wessly Madhevere is still being force-fed into the line-up like a failed experiment Zimbabwe Cricket refuses to end. His series average was 11.25. His overall Test average is 17 after 15 innings. Talent alone is not enough when numbers show you’re sinking.

Tafadzwa Tsiga was given the gloves despite a Logan Cup average of 26 and a Test average of 9.40. Why? Because someone somewhere thinks mediocrity deserves a second chance. Nyasha Mayavo, with a Logan average of 60.83 and comparable keeping stats, was ignored. Go figure.

Zimbabwe dropped Victor Nyauchi, who averages 21 with the ball for Mountaineers, for what was termed “tactical reasons.” That tactic? Bring in Kundai Matigimu, a player with five domestic wickets at an average of 37 and a batting average of 15. 

He delivered exactly what was expected. Two wickets and zero runs.

Meanwhile, spinner Vincent Masekesa, the only attacking option in the squad, was cast aside. Why are we playing in Zimbabwe if we’re scared to use spinners on our own turf?

Brad Evans and Luke Jongwe have better all-round numbers than Matigimu, yet they sat out. 

The head coach Justin Sammons tried to explain it away, saying he felt the team had the right balance. If this is right, we dread to imagine what wrong looks like.

The stench of nepotism and club bias, especially favouritism towards Takashinga players, is killing the game. Selections appear to have more to do with who you know than how many runs or wickets you have.

The situation demands urgent change.

Fix the mess:

Pick players on merit only. Logan Cup stats must matter. Performance is the only passport.

Clear out the deadwood. No more rewarding washed-up players with national contracts.

Overhaul the selectors. David Mutendera, whose playing stats are forgettable at best, cannot keep failing upward. Same with Elton Chigumbura, whose alleged nepotism is no longer a rumour but a pattern.

Empower domestic franchises. Let local coaches assist with Test prep, especially at venues like Queens where they know the turf better than anyone.

Zimbabwe’s Test future is in shambles. Since 2020, Zimbabwe has played 18 Tests and won only 2, 3 remains draw and on 13 Occasions they finished as a losing team.

The 2 Wins Came Against Afghanistan & Bangladesh.

South Africa’s second-string team exposed Zimbabwe as amateurs. If heads do not roll at Zimbabwe Cricket, we will keep getting bowled out by schoolboys and losing home games as if we’re permanent tourists in our own country.

This isn’t rebuilding. It’s rotting. And it’s happening in full view of a nation that deserves better.